(Closed) Does anyone else wonder why..

posted 6 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 4
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t know; I don’t see the sense either. They have to know what kind of asnwers they are going to get by posting: He is physically and emotionally abusive… we fight all of the time and he won’t stop cheating on me. Should I leave him?

Maybe it’s more to get support than advice.

Post # 6
1115 posts
Bumble bee

…sometimes you’re just in denial that someone could be that dense?

I mean, denial is one of the stages of grief isn’t it? It hurts to see someone sacrifice themselves and put themselves through so much when they could do better. 

Post # 7
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

@lia22:  Sometimes, when you’re in the situation, it is easy to feel like you are overreacting. For example my post about my procedure that I just had done, I needed confirmation that what happened to me was wrong, or if I was just being emotional. In retrospect, it seems very obvious that something was done wrong to me, but in the moment, I needed to check myself and make sure I wasn’t throwing a hissy fit.

Some of the emotional posts gets reponses like, “Yes, you are overreacting.” So it’s just to get an unbiased opinion, I think.

Post # 9
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Because although they know it’s irrational, they keep a shred of hope that if THEY post on top of everything else, it will be the straw that changes the OP’s mind :-/

Post # 10
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m TOTALLY guilty of this, haha. 

I think for me, it’s that by the time the OP makes it clear that she’s not going to take the advice, I’m already really emotionally invested in the person’s story so it’s really tough to just walk away from that without at least trying something else. I’ve been a part of numerous threads where the OP actually does end up taking the advice (certainly not the majority, but enough), so there’s always a little part of me that always has hope. But mostly it’s that there’s generally a fair amount of back-and-forth that happens before it becomes clear that the OP isn’t going to see reason, so I actually care about the person and their well-being enough to ignore the rational part of my brain that says “Give it up. It will be good for your blood pressure.”

Post # 11
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know what you mean. But sometimes I really emotionally identify with the topic or post and want to share some perspective. The OP may not listen now, but hopefully at some point down the road the light bulb will go on in her head and she’ll stand up for herself.

Post # 12
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think that they just want to feel heard.

It’s not the same to just go and look up another post and read what responses they got.

Everyone feels that their story is unique and wants to be heard. Even if some of us find it annoying and repetitive.

Post # 13
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Alot of the time, abused women [physical or emotional], are scared. Not that he might hunt them down and hurt them, but they are so emotionally scared they feel unpretty, unwanted, worthless, ectect, and feel that they don’t deserve, or will not be able to find another mate. This is the case at least 90% of the time. The rest of the time probably has to do with money, children, or other reasons.

I knew a lady who was a stay at home mom, her husband would come home and beat her everynight – she stayed so she didn’t have to work! She made it sound like that was the price she paid!

Wow! Sometimes, they start making excuses or reasoning as to why they are treated that way. Maybe the burnt the meatloaf, or forgot to lock the back door.

I think its all very mental more than anything, ladies who are abused in anyway need a place to vent, and I guess this is it.

Post # 14
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lia22:  Unless you’ve been in a situation like that you really can’t judge.  It’s much harder to see it all when you’re in the relationship. And, if the relationship is emotionally abusive it makes it that much harder to see what is happening and to leave.

I was always the girl giving my friends in bad relationships great advice, telling them to leave, they deserved better, etc. It was always so clear to me.  I was shocked when I found myself in the midst of that situation and unable to take my own advice that I had doled out so easily for years.   

Everyone needs to learn for themselves and sometimes that is the hard way – staying for a long time after you should have left. 

Post # 15
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@lia22:  Sometimes it is just nice to hear things from other people. Also, even if it seems like every response is the same, there is variation. If it was just a chorus of cookie cutter crickets I would agree but every now and then someone says something novel and helpful.

That person usualy gets attacked by the crickets but that doesn’t mean someone isn’t helped by their opinion.

Post # 16
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Agreed! It’s pretty frustrating when there are like 5 pages of comments on a post and with the exception of a few comments they all say the SAME thing! and then a random “oh everything is fine now, he said he would never do it again” after a while of lurking by the poster. If she didn’t want our advice and wouldn’t follow it why ask?!?

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