(Closed) Does anyone else work opposite shifts of SO/FI/DH? And are you okay with it?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
4857 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We have the same situation. It’s kind of lame sometimes… but honestly no it’s not a huge deal. 

Post # 3
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Bellagio, Las Vegas

My Fiance is an attorney and he works until 9 or 9:30 p.m. sometimes. I am a RN at a clinic, so I have regular day hours. Sometimes I fall asleep before he gets home if he’s working really late. Usually I see him for an hour or two before bed each night. I suppose it’s better than many other situations that could arise.

Post # 4
36 posts

We have the same as you. He works nights and me days. When I come home from work he left for work thirty minutes before I got home. When he comes home I’m asleep. I think it’s good for us because we fight less and can’t wait to see each other on his day off so this schedule makes us miss one another a lot! Lol I like it too because I have my me time personal time to myself. I think it’s different for each couple. Now if we had a family I know this would not work for us. 

Post # 5
766 posts
Busy bee

During the week, I work days and my Fiance works nights and I think it sucks. He gets home at 1am and sometimes I will wait up just to say hello and see him for a few minutes before bed. We are both off on the weekends, however, so we really enjoy time together. When we were on the same schedule, I loved being able to come home after work, talk and have dinner. Weekdays get pretty lonely but I know he’s not on this shift forever. And it really does make us appreciate the time we have together more. It’s definitely not ideal and I wouldn’t want it to be this way for years. 

Post # 6
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

Willow90:  Darling Husband is a police officer and works 5p-3a, and I work a fairly flexible schedule (real estate) but mostly during what most people consider business hours. I go to bed before him 4-5 nights per week, and he just gets extra sleep/goes to bed early on his weekend while I stay up late (compromise).

Our sleep times overlap, which is important to us, because snuggling (even asleep) is a bonding activity for us. I really enjoy the nights we go to bed together, but we’ve gone through periods without those, and we were fine. It’s all about being flexible. 

Post # 7
437 posts
Helper bee

We did it for about a year and it was fine. We always made it a thing for us to have a date night and I think that helped.

Post # 8
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m a LPN that works 7-7P.  He’s a correctional officer working 8A-4P.  I see him before he leaves for 5-10min and he sees me before I leave.  It’s been like this for almost 2 years.  I completely understand about the sleep times.  Since I work all night, I sleep all day, even on my days off.  He says he sometimes wishes I would stay up more on my days off. We are fine as of right now.  We’re talking about having a little person soon so I’ll for sure start looking for a 8a-5p job. 

Post # 9
953 posts
Busy bee

We just got to an ok schedule. 

Fi was working 5pm-3am and I was working 7 am -3pm and I also work 7-11 3x a week. 

Our schedules conflicted so much we didn’t have one day off together unless we took them off.  We did ok. 

Now he is in school and I dropped my weekend shifts and amalgamated three of my days to be 12 hours (but seperated by 4 hours, gives me time to get my daughter make dinner and go to work again)

So now we have weekends together..Yay!  And we are going to bed together….meh. Now I can’t hog the entire bed. Now we have to agree on what to watch at night.  Ah the things we give up for love…lol  at least now I’m not woken up at 3:30 every morning when he comes in. SOO many times I’d get screwed for sleep just because he came in. I’m a super light sleeper and have trouble falling asleep. My dogs get so excited when someone comes home it always wakes me. 

Post # 10
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I work 9-5 and he works shifts that are not on a roster so basically one night he works all night the next day he works the afternoon.

The changing times makes him akways tired and it makes it hard for us to do anything or get anything done that needs the both of us.

He also is doing part time study so its 3x as hard.

We are a prettu co depnedant couple so being apart and not having much one on one quality time makes us both pretty sad. Before he got this job we did everything together. Now we still do when we can bit thats not that often. Sometimes i womt actually see him for 3 or 4 days because when i get jome hes left and when i leave he gets home.

Post # 11
8866 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Willow90:  It was useful when the kids were young because it meant we didn’t have to put them in daycare for 10 or 12 hours a day. Plus my husband could take them to doctor’s appointments and stuff so neither of us had to miss work time for that. Now that they’re older, it’s a bummer. We’re used to it though, so it would be an adjustment if suddenly we were home together in the evenings.

Post # 12
6448 posts
Bee Keeper

Willow90:  My husband and I have worked opposite shifts since we met and continue so until our daughter goes into daycare.  

Has it been ideal? No.  

Is it doable?  Yes.

will it be forever?  No.

But it is hard.  He works Tuesday-Saturday morning, while I work Monday-Friday days.  So we have Saturday evening, Sunday day and evening, and Monday evening together.  While it’s not the best, it’s enough time to enjoy until it’s over.

Post # 13
109 posts
Blushing bee

My shifts vary but now I’m always working weekends, and I often have to work 12:30 pm-9 pm while she has to leave by 6:30 and doesn’t get home till 5, and she has weekends off. The hardest part is that we don’t have any days off together anymore. If we had just one day a week where we could actually do an activity, I would be so much happier. We’re short staffed at the moment so shift-switching and vacation days are off the table at the moment.

Unfortunately I can’t even finish planning the proposal yet because we just don’t have off at the same time!

Post # 14
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We work opposite schedules fairly often. I’m an ER doc so I work about 12 shifts a month, most of which are evenings/nights. He’s a marine and generally has an 8-5 schedule now. We don’t like it when I work nights but its not everyday so we deal. We’re looking forward to when he retires and has a more flexible schedule to keep hours with me. Sometimes he already will stay up until 3 and 4am on a weekend to go to bed with me when I get home from work.

For us going to bed together is really important because we shower together and have time to talk and wind down together. Also I think it definitely helps ensure a healthy sex life. 

But frankly if you’re fine with it then who cares what other people say. I’m sure you adapt and ensure you maintain closeness and intimacy in other ways and at other times per day, so it works for you.


Post # 15
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We mostly work opposite shifts: I work 8-4.30 weekdays and he usually either works roughly 2-10pm or 4-midnight. So the amount of waking time we have together can be limited. However I do work in a school so have regular holidays (such as now) so we do see each other more then. It can be tough but at the moment it’s what works best for us: we both like our alone time (especially my husband) so this gives us both a chance to achieve it. 

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