(Closed) Does anyone else's FI have delusions of grandeur for the wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Can he DIY? ‘Cause if he wants that stuff, he can have it if he can make it. Other than that, I suggest making a budget in Excel and showing him what these things are costing, then compare it to how much you guys have been/will be able to save for it. Dunno if he’s like my SO, but dude loves Excel. We use a budgeter to clear up all money squabbles now. I’m sure you have, but talk more about what’s important to both of you, and, mainly, why. He wants to do it “right”, but there is, of course, no such thing as “right”, just right for you two and your guests.

I would feel weird getting married by a stranger, but I can also see how someone could feel the opposite. Perhaps a family friend of yours could do it, someone he doesn’t know and who has more age/inferred authority to them.

Great negotiating jobs!

Post # 4
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I feel this way a little, I don’t think FI’s ideas are crazy or unattainable.  But to come out in the green does require some planning and forethought.  He’s not so much into that…but I keep on him and truly he has come to see things my way.  He has become much more organized and is very loyal to our wedding budget spreadsheet.

I’m very organized and could have this all settled on my own but we’re planning this together so it takes comprimise and working to eachother’s strengths. 

I’m actually really grateful Fiance is excited about wedding stuff and DJ’s and food and not the “whatever you want” guy other’s talk about.

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, my fiance initially wanted a big fat Italian wedding with all the trimmings when all I wanted to do was a) elope or, b) go to the courthouse. In the end, I told him I didn’t want any of the things he wanted in a wedding, so if he was happy to organise it and pay for everything (I would pay for my dress, bridesmaids’ dresses, officiant and half of the photographer – because they were the only parts of the wedding I really cared about). After a few weeks of fiance looking at venues and prices, he came back to me saying “Your parents have a pretty nice backyard…how about we do it there?”

Post # 6
Member
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LadyElva:  Aaaagghh me too!

FH definitely wanted a huge 150 person wedding (that’s huge to me) somewhere fancy with fancy food and fancy clothes, he wanted “his moment” in the sun in a way… way more than than I ever did. I like the idea of a big crazy party but I’m not willing to pay for it. We met in the middle kind of, but it was really hard to get him to even be satisfied with that and not sulk that he wasn’t going to have his rock star day. (ESPECIALLY since he wanted this rock star day sooooo badly but wasn’t willing to put in basically any extra work!)

Post # 8
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Ah, yes, the expectations of what a new job might pay. SO had that too a couple years ago. It wasn’t wedding related then, but he did want to go on a specific vacation based on what he might get paid. I talked him into planning the vacation we could afford if he didn’t get a raise, by tempting him that we could upgrade smaller stuff when the time came, or not if we couldn’t. He didn’t feel as strongly about that as a he or yours do about the wedding, though. Still, promising to upgrade stuff if you do have more money then might work. Stick to the smaller guest number and venue, but let him go crazy with fancier suits, groomsmen gifts, maybe a hipper DJ/live band, add a videographer, things that would make him feel like a “rock star” (lol @Bebealways), but that don’t blow any of your contracts with wiser choices?

Post # 9
Member
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Omgbunnies:  Preeeecisely that!!! He also has cousins who are a lot richer than his immediate family and have these opulent “event of the decade” weddings everyone talks about for ages and I think he feels nobody’s ever talked about HIM like that… I think he really wants some people in his family, who I admit aren’t always super respectful to him, to feel like he’s “made it” in life and is strong and responsible.

I never realized until this wedding planning just how much it hurts him that certain people seem to refuse to admit that he’s a great guy who’s made a lot of good decisions. (Possibly because his success and happiness is occasionally related to directly contradicting their advice.)

We’ve come to what we think is the perfect compromise — a rock-star-ish event, in our own nerdy, offbeat way, but for no more people than we can afford. (50 or less) And since we’re visiting our home country for the wedding, we’ll spend our extra time there hanging with friends and family, including some who might have missed the wedding itself. I think it works out!

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