I feel this. I always wanted children, lots of them (at least 4). I wanted so badly to be a wife and mother. The older I got, the less I wanted to be a mother. When I met my husband, I still wanted kids, but it wasn’t as much of a driving desire, and I wanted less (around 2). My husband also wanted kids, but wasn’t in a rush, and wanted only 1 or 2.
After we got married, I was so enjoying our time together, that I started to change my mind and not want them at all. I’d seen some couples with kids and how they struggled and from an outside perspective, seemed to regret it. And I’d seen how kids seem to distance the couple from each other.
I think part of it was that when I was younger, I envisioned motherhood like my mom did it. But she was a stay at home mom, and only got a part time job when we were older. Once I got settled into my career, and enjoyed living with my husband on two incomes, I realized I didn’t want to be a stay at home mom. Then I started to think there’s no point in having kids if they’re essentially being raised by other people (day care, camps, school) etc, while DH and I work.
My husband was confused and saddened by my shift in thinking, and still wanted kids. I then told myself and him I was okay with adopting, but didn’t want to have any biologically, and have to lose out at work and take maternity leave. DH still wanted the whole experience of pregnancy and biological children. I struggled for a year with this. And then, yes, I started to change my mind again. Started to believe I could do this, but I’m still not happy with the thought of other people essentially raising our kids, but I know that that’s what I have to offer, because I’m unwilling to quit my career.
We’ve now been married just over two years, and we just started TTC last month. I still have some little doubts, but for some reason, somehow, I now really want children, and I feel twinges of disappointment when others announce they’re pregnant.
I’m not saying having kids is the right or wrong thing. I do think that people who are resolute in not wanting kids are unlikely to change their minds (nor should they feel the pressure to!), but for me I’ve run the gamut on how I feel about it.