Post # 1
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
My wedding is rapidly approaching (78 days!!) and I’m very excited but I feel like I sometimes have to tone down my excitement around my family due to previous trauma in the family.
My parents divorced when I was really young and the wounds never quite healed on either side. Being an only child, my wedding is becoming a bit of a lightening rod and I feel like even talking about the wedding digs us the past because it goes to places like my parents wedding, how their marriage didn’t work out, who’s to blame for that, who should be represented where in my ceremony, etc.
Lately, I’ve been quasi dreading the build up to the wedding with bridal showers et. al because I just feel awkward and like I’m being loaded up with guilt by other people.
I’ve lived my life up to now attempting to fly under the radar but when a girl gets married, she’s kind of the center of attention and suddenly I’m faced with parents and family being hurt if I don’t give equal spotlight to each of them. I find myself babysitting their own emotional drama instead of just genuinely letting my happiness shine through.
I did reach a point about a month ago where I had to lay down the law and say ‘GET OVER IT!’ but unfortunately, I came off angry and frustrated (because I was!)
Anyone have these feelings and have advice on how to breathe and just be happy? I’m nervous about the wedding day turning into one big stress monster for me.
Post # 3
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
Oh, I don’t you should feel guilty at all. My parents are divorced and I know they aren’t looking forward to being together for the wedding at all. But, I know that everyone is always happy for the bride and I bet they wouldn’t want you feeling this way.
Is there anyway you could talk to them, maybe alone or in a small group and let them know how you’re feeling? Don’t focus on what they are doing (while talking!) but tell them how hard this has been and you want everyone happy.
If sounds like it came out wrong the other time, and if you have had a chance to think more, it may go easier. You’ll feel better as everything comes up if it’s out.
Post # 4
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
I do, b/c my Future Father-In-Law makes me feel guilty that we’re spending $$$ on a wedding when he thinks we can go to city hall and get married. It’s my fault that his SON doesn’t want to do that.
Post # 5
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
I feel guilty that I have a Destination Wedding and my friends have to spend about 1000 just to get there :(. I also feel bad for all the money its costing. Not the same thing, but yes I feel guilty.
Post # 6
Member
3982 posts
Honey bee
I feel guilty about how expensive it is becoming. I never intended to have a 10 or 15 K wedding! I wish I could take some things back and start over, much cheaper. But, you shouldn’t feel guilt about you wedding at all! So their marriage didn’t work out. It isn’t fun but it happens. You have a chance to show that marriage CAN work if you find the right person for you. Enjoy every bit of it! Because this could (and hopefully will be) your only wedding!
Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
I do feel guilty about how expensive certain aspects of my wedding were. My parents are too generous with me sometimes and I definitely got swept away with things like expensive invitations and decor upgrades. My dress was expensive but I don’t regret that for one nanosecond, I think every bride should get the dress of her dreams if at all possible. Sometimes I wish we had done something smaller and more low key, but it is a struggle ultimately since our parents were the ones who wanted to throw a big wedding.
Post # 8
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with family guilt trips. They are the worst!! All you can do is know that YOU are doing the best you can to be thoughtful, kind, and fair. If they take offense to the way you do that, that’s THEIR problem.
I feel guilty about the money we’re spending. $12,000 seems like an insane amount to spend on a single day, especially when we’re both uncertain about the future. It’s our parents’ money and they really want to spend it on this wedding, but that doesn’t make me feel less guilty about it.
