I was 100% kidding with my cooties comment and clearly my attempt at injecting humor failed. I can own that I misread the room, as I’ve been supportive of your situation, ellagrace, since participating in this thread.
However, I do stand by uncle’s friend as the introduction for my kids because that is how things work in my (decidedly not eurocentric / americentric) family. There’s a lot of weirdness around romantic relationships in my family and culture so it’s something we pick our battles on.
For example, my siblings and I weren’t allowed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend until we graduated from college. For other examples, I could go into my brother’s long term girlfriend who swore up and down she’d marry him and he thought they were going to get married, until it turned out she was promised to another man (arranged marriage) or my sister’s 4.5 year boyfriend who we all thought they were going to get married and that I treated like a brother but it didn’t work out.
Family is something super serious in my family, so for every sibling relationship that goes 4.5 years and doesn’t work out is like having a death in the family. My family is also uber-Catholic, to the point of preferring long distance marriage to divorce.
In terms of kids, we don’t dumb down our talking to kids, but we don’t want to trigger our kids’ curiosity if we can help it. Using the boyfriend / girlfriend word is something that could trigger the birds and the bees discussion before we’re ready. It works for our family because none of my siblings currently have SOs that they’ve introduced to family anyhow.
I’m sorry if you found it insulting and demeaning, because I’m not insulting or judging you. I’m just sharing what works for us, given my family’s cultural and religious background. Just because it’s what works for us doesn’t mean that it works for you.
I find it interesting that you’ve latched on to the more colorful parts of my responses, instead of focusing on the positive and supportive parts of my responses. As you’ve stated your position of wanting to wait for the wedding, that you have your FI’s support, and the support of most of FI’s family, all of which is really great! There are many who are engaged or married WITHOUT that level of support, so you are much better off than NOT having that support. Why not focus on deepening your relationship with those who support you, instead of focusing on those who dgaf?
If you look for insults and judgement, you’ll find them where none exist. You sound like an awesome person, which is why I’m sharing my story with you. If you can’t accept that different families are different, your behaviors are insulting and demeaning as well.