Post # 1
People keep telling me men don’t really like to get involved in the planning process…but i’m getting really stressed out and everytime I ask for help or his opinion all I get is “whatever you want honey”…urrggh… I wish he would say this in other aspects of life!! but not when I actually want his help… with 7 weeks to go..i’m feeling very alone in this journey 🙁
Does anyone else feel like this… or is it pretty normal for them to be like this?
Post # 3
I think you need to talk to him and tell him you are feeling overwhelmed. I believe that he will understand, just have a list prepared of things that he can help with and I am sure that he will step up. Some guys just think this is something they are not supposed to help with, they think they are doing the right thing by just staying out of it.
Post # 4
I felt like this too…I agree with tksjewelry…a lot of men think women don’t even WANT their opinions because they are just conditioned to think it’s the bride’s day so go with what she wants.
Post # 5
I feel like this sometimes. Usually when I need to go pick something up or want him to help I get no interest from him. I talked to him about it and he said he was sorry and if I needed his help not to hesitate to ask. But still I ask him or tell him stuff about the wedding and he still never really pays attention. He’s always telling me it’s my day and I can do whatever but he doesn’t understand, I want him to help with most things.
I just think with all the DIY he doesn’t care as much as I do. Now that much of the big stuff is taken care of he’s not to keen to work on the minor details.
Post # 6
@hanzabelle: I’m doing most of the planning for sure, but I told my Fiance at the very beginning, that whenever I asked his opinion on something, he was not allowed to say “Whatever you want” or “Whatever makes you happy.” I played it as a joke, but it worked.
Post # 7
I am going to share with you the alternative in hope it will help: a fiance involved in every decision.
I get really frustrated because I know certain ideas will work out, but my fiance sometimes can’t see the bigger picture of how things work in our theme or vision. he has an opinion on EVERYTHING. This can get extremely stressful when I am trying to navigate vendors and put everything together, and I look back remembering conversations with my sister that I wish he would check out from this a little so I can actually make decisions.
I know this sounds terrible, but I almost wish I had your situation.
Post # 8
@hanzabelle: I think he just wants to make you happy when he says “whatever you want”. I felt very alone at the start of this process and that was always Danny’s answer, too. Then finally I kinda flipped out and was like “I NEED HELP! JUST GIVE ME A DAMN OPINION ONCE IN AWHILE!!!” and he’s been helping me as much as he can ever since. (he works a lot.) it sucks because he works all the time, my family and half my bridal party is hours away in NY, and the other half of my party is hours away in VB! So I have to go places alone, try on dresses alone, UGH! It’s sad, really.
I would just talk to him and tell him how you feel and that you’re feeling overwhelmed.
And remember, you’re not alone! You always have us bees! ^_~
Post # 9
I tend to agree that wedding planning is something men don’t want to get involved in. I think most men stay out of it because they think their involvement will cause arguments. So maybe pick a couple things he can do on his own (like the music/entertainment/DJ) and let him have total control over that. Or theme the wedding around something you both share together (travel seems to be a popular one) and see if he would be more interested in helping out with that. (slideshow perhaps?)
I don’t think guys know what it takes to put on a wedding. If you store/track your stuff online, it might help to give him the link and share that information with him. So you can show him the timeline and say, “This is what needs to get done this week, would you help me with X?” Or get his opinion on things you’ve narrowed it down to. “I don’t know which one of these three vendors we should go with, can you help me choose?”
Maybe you can ask him to take charge of the guest list (helping track down addresses, etc.) and help you with tracking the invitations and thank you notes. Or help put together the programs. Try to find out if his family has some cultural expectation or history that would be nice to include.
I don’t think men find the DIY stuff very “fun”. I know one groom who helped with invitations and programs, but I think it was on the printing side of things and not necessarily the assembly.
Post # 10
I am definitely with you on this. I just wrote a post about it as well! Try having a talk with him about it and let him know how important it is to you. Also, keep using this site! Another bee reminded me that that is what the site is all about!!
Post # 11
I had a similar problem, and with no family here (and only one close friend) I had a hard time with stuff. I alleviated my stress 2 ways: 1. I hired a wedding planner for day of coordinator, and she also served as my person to run stuff by (and help me make decisions). 2. I assigned him to specific tasks, mainly ones I didn’t want to do or ones I coudl trust him with.
Theses two things definitely made it better, but yeah in the end, I still ended up planning my wedding on my own.
Post # 12
I understand how you feel and I think honesty is the best policy.
I entered into my planning with the idea that I didn’t want any input from my Fiance and he was thrilled with that idea. I also found myself wanting his opinions and thoughts as time went on. I have told him that a little more effort would be appreciated even if he could care less about the cake design (he had BIG opinions on cake flavor, go figure). He is trying to be a bit more involved and I appreciate that.
Like I said just talk to him, no harm in that.
Post # 13
I don’t feel like I’m planning alone, I feel like I’m marrying my mom 🙂 we do all the planning together!
Honestly I kind of like that he’s not super involved. I am a total control freak and I like having my way. I’m also psychotic about getting things done in advance, so I liek to work on my own schedule. Waiting around for him drives me nuts.
It does get stressful sometimes, for example, tuxes. We need to get them soon and he keeps putting it off, adn I’m trying desperately not to take matters over. My advice is not to get upset about it, just explain the situation to him and remember you probably have differnet ways of approaching a project. I would give him certain things to do or use him a sa sounding board when you’re trying to decide between options.
Post # 14
Yes, and I like it that way! I embrace it. I try to include him before any “decision” I make, but if he seems to ignore it or shut down or evade it, all the more fun for me is how I look at it =)
Post # 15
Thanks for all your advice… maybe I should just be grateful I get so much choice… I tried talking to him about it and that I valued his opinion and he just said I want whatever you want… I’ve tried doing the list thing too, but he just leaves it till the last minute and then I end up doing it.
Post # 16
I’m feeling like that and i have just under a year to go… your not alone