Post # 1
Sometimes I feel like I’m marrying into a different “class” than what my parents would like. I don’t tend to be very class conscious– I just don’t think of people in those terms, and it doesn’t even occur to me that my home environment feels a little different than his until there are sort of “Meet the Parents” moments. It isn’t a huge disparity– I mean, I’m not an heiress marrying a guy from the ghetto– but it still makes “meshing” the two families together a little tricky sometimes. The whole “interfaith” and “interracial” issues have been discussed and explored, but it seems like the subject of class is still taboo to talk about. Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any comments or advice? I’m just wondering… 🙂
Post # 3
Still too taboo, I guess.
Post # 4
I’m marrying into a different culture, but my family doesn’t have loads of money, and he certainly doesn’t either, so I’m afraid not – for me, at least!
Post # 5
I feel like that sometimes. My family was always pretty well off, until 3 years ago when my dad got laid off from his job. With this economy, unfortunately, he has never been able to find another job that pays even half as well as his last one. So nowadays, because of the unfortunate circumstances, my parents are struggling for money. However, my FI’s family is extremely wealthy. My parents have expressed their concerns to me, during our wedding planning. They feel absolutely terrible because they aren’t able to help out financially for our wedding. On the other hand, however, his parents gave us $3000, are paying for our entire rehearsal dinner, and are paying for our honeymoon to Hawaii. So, my parents are just feeling pretty low about the entire situation.. I wish they wouldn’t, but I can understand their frustation 🙁
Post # 6
I get that. Fis family arE well to do business owners. My dads people are from a very rural community in west virgina. My moms people are from Staten island
Mom and dads people do not mesh well and fis family is standoffish to my dads people.
Fis mom made a comment about how some people like truck drivers do not have a good work ethic, I informed her my dad is a trucks river and he works harder than anyone elce I know, including her!
She apologized but it still bothered me
Post # 7
Honestly, I feel like I’m marrying into a higher “class” if you wanna use that term. My family was always super poor and had to do without a lot and even though we’re better off now and Fiance and I are doing very well it’s still weird sometimes. FI’s parents aren’t super wealthy but definitely up there especially compared to my family! Luckily from the few times the families have met everyone gets along. Sorry I’m not much help!
Post # 8
I guess I sort of am… My family is reasonably wealthy and his family isn’t. It doesn’t really bother me. They’re good people.
The only time I felt it was an issue was with his dad’s side of the family (my Fiance barely knows these people). They did things like boast about the size of their latest bonus and give specific numbers as to what it was. That type of talk about money is not something I’m used to and it made me a bit uncomfortable. One of his uncles also made the comment “It must be nice to be rich!” upon hearing that we had taken a toll road to get there. Again, it just made me uncomfortable.
Post # 9
I’m not really marrying into a different ‘class’, but sometimes I feel that my family wouldn’t be good enough next to my FI’s family. FI’s mom gave us some antique furniture from the 1850’s this summer. I had to put my old dresser (also a sort of family heirloom of sorts in the back room). My plain, old hand me down dresser didn’t stand a match next to his families beautiful heirlooms.
Post # 10
I “married up”. My IL’s are solidly upper middle class; my family is not. It was actually a big wedding stressor for me, because they didn’t meet until two days before the wedding, and are just from such hugely different backgrounds. Luckily, my IL’s are very open, friendly and laid-back, and found common ground to talk about–raising goats, ironically (my parents raise them now, my IL’s raised a few when Darling Husband was a child).
No advice, sorry 🙁 I had to trust that it would be alright, and it was, but I’m aware that it’s not always so easy.
Post # 11
well im marrying someone of a different faith and culture, plus my family is upper middle class compared to my FIs family whose been through a war, poverty in their home country and now live check to check.
at first it was a bit different, seeing how some of the things i was used to they didnt have, his family is very budget conscious and my family is used to throwing money at something to resolve it.
we’re not savers at all. its been an adjustment in our relationship, hes cheap and im the spender.
Post # 12
Yes I can understand what you mean. My family is upper class, regarded highly in our SO-CAL community etc. Most of my family has been on the city council at some point, following in my grandpas footsteps who was mayor for two terms. Everyone knows who’s daughter I am, and I am marrying a middle class man, from a lower-middle class family. The beauty of it is that what my family lacked in love and outward sentiment, his is full of. I’m gaining the richness of their love and leaving the critical passing judgment people behind. Or at least 30 minutes away from me ha 🙂 It doesn’t bother me a bit. I have always been a very accepting and loving person, so to start my life without the “fridgid ones” is a breath of fresh air to me. My fiance feels that he got a princess to marry him, and is working so hard and interviewing for every promotion. I couldn’t ask for more, in fact, I haven’t been willing to date anyone from THIS community before him just because I don’t want another snot nosed mammas boy that will be grading me as a wife by how emmaculate I stay just to get the $ when he upgrades in 20 years. No thanks, I love my real man.
Post # 13
I’m kinda going both ways. His family has money… well, his dad makes money. VP of something retired, took another job overseas as VP of another company for a few years. Anyway… but they don’t spend money. We get reprimanded for spending money on… anything. We plan to buy them a set of dishes as a thank-you for the help they’re giving us with the wedding. They have a 3,000+ sq ft house (paid off) and don’t own a full set of dishes – it’s all from garage sales, etc.
So, in one respect, they have more than my family had for a long time (my parents own a small business and times were rough for a while, but are finally turning around). But yet we never talk about money because we spend more than they do.
Post # 14
Yes, I was raised in a more privilaged household than Darling Husband. Once, when we were first dating he mentioned that his family went to Red Lobster for a very special family dinner celebration. I was like…. really? No offense to those who frequent Red Lobster (I do enjoy the cheesy biscuits), but that does not say fine dining to me. However, Darling Husband is very ambitious and went to an excellent college and now makes more money than my parents combined.
Post # 15
I kind of feel like I’m “marrying up” too… I’m a first generation Canadian raised by a working class single mom. Needless to say I didn’t see her much growing up. Mr Rugbee got the traditional, suburban, stay-at-home-mom experience. Not a big jump but still noticible: When I look at his family & the kind of childhood he was able to have, I get a bit jealous sometimes but I’m glad my kids will be part of that family.
The only point we really don’t mesh on is this sense of urgency that (my family) & I tend to feel towards independance. From the moment I hit highschool my sisters & I were treated like adults. I had a job and moved out at 16, my sister did the same at 17. Mr Rugbee’s family has always allowed their kids to take their time: He only moved in with me after he finished undergrad because I pushed him. His brother lived at home until he was 26 & his sister, who is 6 months younger than me, still has a room at home, hasn’t finished any type of degree, & has been in school for as long as I have. I don’t really get it.
Post # 16
@MllePink: I just want to say that I love your pic! That painting is tied with Miranda, The Tempest for my favourite Waterhouse painting!