(Closed) Does anyone feel they are pressured to spend too much time with in-laws?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

I don’t have to spend a lot of time with them because we do not live in the same city but I do understand how you feel…

Post # 4
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I’m in the same boat as Sharron04.  But even if we lived in the same city, my husband wouldn’t really want to spend that much time with his parents.  Have you tried explaining to your fella that you’d like to try to spend more time with friends?  If you’re worried about hurting his feelings, you could always phrase it like you are missing some quality time with X, Y and Z.  Naturally by bumping up time with others, your time with the Future In-Laws will decrease.  I would think he’d understand.

But you also might have to be flexible with your bf.  Sometimes you might have to each agree to do your own thing.

Post # 5
Member
225 posts
Helper bee

Hmm – I grew up very close to my family and now live about 10-12 hours away from them, so when I have time to make it home, I like to spend a lot of time with my actual family.  I just spent about a week up North visiting family, and really only spent time with friends for about a day total.  Mr. Bananas’ family lives a lot closer, though, about 2 hours away, so we see them a lot more often.  Sometimes they passive aggressively manipulate us to try to get us to hang out with them all weekend when we visit (when we usually divide the time between family and friends evenly) and it can definitely be frustrating.

Post # 6
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I totally understand.  But I love that we are both really close to our families.  Sometimes, my Mother-In-Law drives me up a wall and I hate that we live 5 minutes away from them, but you take the good with the bad. And I find the balance to be mostly good.

Post # 7
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i understand where you’re coming from. both of our families liv in the same town, so i’m pressured a lot. i got ticked this year b/c we spent every holiday this year w/ HIS family….what happened to splitting it up? ughh…i’m getting angry just thinking about it! his family will get angry at us if we even thin about spending holiday’s with my family…gurr>(

Post # 8
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know how you feel! Imagine my surprise when I realized how common it is for Swedes to visit their folks at least once every 2-weeks, for about of 8-hours each visit Surprised No TV as a distraction … I’ve never in my life spent this much quality time with people ever! I love them, they are the sweetest in-laws a girl can ever hope for, and we do get along well, but it was tough the first couple of visits.

Post # 9
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I feel this way sometimes… I’m curious – how much time do people think is too much time? What’s the right amount of time?

Post # 10
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m on the other side of this discussion.  I love spending time with my parents.  I usually go over once a week after work, while my fiance is out at his guy’s night.  We also typically will go over at least once a month on a weekend day.  Honestly, I could probably go over even more often than we do!

I also wonder whether my fiance gets annoyed at how much time we spend with my parents, but whenever I ask him, he reassures me that he also likes spending time with them too.  I guess I’m lucky that they get along.

However, sometimes he’ll make a comment that he’s a little familied-out and he would like to take a little break from hanging out with parents for a little bit.  Usually just him making that comment is enough for me to scale back on us hanging out with them during the month.

Post # 11
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We see my parents once, maybe three times a year if they/we travel a lot. We see his parents AT LEAST once a week for 3-10 hours. They call all the time. My Fiance talks to his brother online every single day. They are a very close family. I’ve grown use to it, but it was a lot to get use to! I sometimes still get upset because a “quick in-and-out visit” with them is never that, its a multi-hour affair. Mostly i don’t mind because we watch all our tv out there (they have cable and record our shows for us) and they feed us whatever we want and often buy us things for us or the house and we used to do all our laundry out there before we moved to a place with free laundry. I spend more time in a month with my Future In-Laws then I’ve spent with my family since I was a child.

Post # 13
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

Both my Fiance and I’s families are in our city, so we have plenty of opportunity to visit. However, my Fiance doesn’t tend to visit his family much, while I am very close to mine. He get very frustrated with me when I even want him to spend time during the holidays with my family.

We had a problem in the beginning of our relationship, because his mom showed up unannounced almost daily. Now, I’m happy with seeing her maybe once a week. And the same with my family. But we also compromise and go our separate ways sometimes.

But, I do understand how you feel from past experience. I try not to give my Fiance a hard time, because I know how it feels to spend ALL my time with my SO’s family instead of friends. It does suck after a while.

Post # 14
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@lynnabby- how close is very close? We’re only 15-30 minutes away (depending on how bad traffic is). Future Mother-In-Law is already freaking out about how far away we’re going to be for grad school (other side of the country). I have been told that we are Forbidden to move out of the area in fact. *sigh* My parents were all “you’re 18, get the @#%#$^ out of the house, find a job, and go to school!” and his are all “live with us, go to school, you don’t have to work! Never leave!” Totally different experiences with our parents.

Post # 15
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I feel you.  My Future Mother-In-Law has expressed to both of us how much she would like to see us more.  And for the  most part i do see them pretty often.  I feel like I can handle once a week, like on weekends.  Don’t get me wrong, I like them all, and love that my FH is so close to his family like I am with mine but like you said I like to hang out with my friends and family too.  So I guess my answer once a weekend. 

Post # 16
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Lately, we’ve been spending more time with his family. And it makes me a little bit sad, cause they live so close and mine are so far away… and our families are so, so different that it’s a little startling to have to change my idea of how family should be.

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