(Closed) does anyone fight with their FI when they drink? VENT

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oh hun, I am so sorry, 

Did you start yelling at him first or did he yell at you?

If he yelled at you first then maybe it is more his problem when you drink, were you both be irrational or was it just one of you?

Post # 4
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Alcohol can really bring out the worst in people, unlike many other drugs it tends to make you aggressive and heighten your emotional swings.

Seeing your Fiance with his arm around another woman when you weren’t expecting it would be hurtful. But I also think it’s not necessarily a big deal – imagine it was the other way around: you’re in the bar with your Fiance and see someone who was a good friend/old boyfriend that you haven’t seen in years. Of course you’d want to go over and say hi, it would almost be rude not to acknowledge them. And look at it this way – your Fiance didn’t leave your side as long as you were together, it was only when you left your Fiance to go up on stage that he went to say hi to the other girl so he kept you company throughout the night.

Was there anything in the situation that made you feel your Fiance had ‘dishonest intentions’ in going up to the other girl? If not, I think you should let it go.

It sounds like the two of you should apologize for over-reacting last night, I’m sure both of you said things you shouldn’t have. Too much alchohol will really mess up your memory of the events and what was said. Take the first step, go give your Fiance a hug and start talking about what happened last night.

Good luck sweetie.

Post # 6
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I so hear you girl. I don’t know what it is about the bars but SOMEHOW the night always goes south. We are fine drinking at home when we have people over, or if we go to another place, but those bars are bad news bears sometimes. I am sorry you had to see that, I am sure it was extremely heart wrenching 🙁 I hope you guys make up so that the rest of your weekend isn’t spent being mad at each other.

Post # 7
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

When we first started dating, we were young (18&19) and would party with friends fairly often.  We realized pretty quickly that alcohol fueled arguments between us, especially when other people were around…so we mostly stopped drinking with each other for a while.

Now, we might get a bottle of wine or some beers, but neither of us really drink to get drunk anymore, but knowing that it wasn’t us really fighting, but the booze bringing it out, really helped us.

Good luck, hopefully today will be a better day for you both:)

Post # 8
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t feel that you have anything to feel bad for.  There was no excuse for him to have his arm around another girl – especially an ex.  It’s one thing to go over and say hi, but not without you either.  I would be furious especially if he got so defensive about it. He knows he was wrong.  I really hope he turns around and apologizes and makes it up to you somehow.

Post # 9
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Alcohol, especially if there is too much of it, can definitely bring the worse out and also completely help in small things being blown out of proportion.. I get super emotional if I’ve been drinking & get upset.. Me & the fiance actually haven’t had a drop to drink since September simply because of that. We had 2 pretty big fights back to back over absolutely stupid things and just decided having a few too many drinks out definitely wasn’t worth putting a strain on our relationship.

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Aw that sucks!  Once when we were drinking, this girl from my bf’s high school came in and he told her how big her boobs got right in front pf me (which probably pissed me off more than usual since I have A cups).  Ummmm…awkward.  Ya he heard about that one later on. 

Anyways, we have kind of decided that we either need to drink together or neither of us drinks.  When only one of us drinks, the other one becomes extremely annoyed with that person.  We’ve kind of figured it out and avoid it now.  Maybe for you, it’s the other way around. 

I don’t think it’s anything specific to just you, as others have said alcohol can bring out some weird stuff.

Post # 11
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Alcohol lowers inhibitions, which results in one of two things: people think and say things they wouldn’t normally think or say, or they finally let out the things they do think when sober but have the self-control to actually say.  The trick is figuring out which it is for you guys.  Are you fighting because you restrain yourself from arguing about things like this when you’re sober, or is the alcohol actually turning you bad somehow?  The latter seems a bit unlikely, to me – it’s not magic potion, after all.  On the other hand, it also seems unlikely that he would put his arm around an ex right in front of you while stone cold sober, so it might even be a mix of both.

I don’t think you should worry about it.  Maybe just drink less when you go out, so you don’t end up drunk and angry.  Everyone is a different kind of drunk, and it looks like you guys had the bad luck of both being angry ones. >:D 

Post # 12
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ugh I hate that. We have the tendency to fight more when we drink as well and it really sucks. If the exact situation happened to us that happened to you I could guarantee we would fight about it! I think sometimes you have to go into a night of drinking with the mindset of “we will not get into a fight tonight” and actually make the conscious effort not to. It may have been better to simply discuss (calmly) with your Fiance how you were feeling the next day when you were sober. Of course when you are drunk your mind does not think logically, it just does what it wants to do. Have you talked to him about it now that you are sober?

Post # 14
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I kinda get crazy when I drink. Not crazy like, mean or violent, but jealous. Im not sure why…cause I’m not usually that way. I also dont like getting drunk cause I hate the way I feel the next morning. All of these things rolled together make me not want to drink that much lol

I totally understand though, and I’m glad yall worked it out 😀

Post # 15
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I personally think that alcohol amplifies any mood you’re in and allows you to say things that you normally hold in. I think that the fact you argue every time you drink together says that there is something that one or both of you are holding back. I think there is probably there worth discussing, if nothing else, working out a plan to not get in huge fights or what to do when you do aruge when you’re both intoxicated.

Post # 16
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

neither of us drink alcohol but i wouldnt be happy if i turned around and found my husband with his arms around another woman and her to him

i also would not accept someone that is suppose to love me screaming in my face and yelling at me – thats not now grown ups communicate

if this behaviour is repeatative when you go out and drink then i suggest you tone down the booze

 

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