(Closed) Does anyone get jealous of their FI ex?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’ve never been at all jealous because as you said–he picked me, not her! What are you jealous about, exactly?

Post # 4
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think I know what you mean, in a way. Mine was married once before, and even though kind of like Mrs. Grape said it, he left her and then later picked me, sometimes I feel jealous of the time they had together. At the same time, I know this is strange to say, but I also feel sympathetic for her because of how it ended.

You’re totally not a freakshow!

Post # 6
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

When we were first dating, I used to. Mostly because he had only slept with one girl before, but he’d only completed the task once before she broke up with him. While I knew that he had only slept with one girl in his life when we got together, I did not know that he lost his virginity to her only, and did not accrue a skill set to work with.

When 6 months went by, and he did not make any serious “moves” on me, I started to get upset. I wondered what was wrong with me, and why he didn’t want to go past a certain point, or why he shut down our romantic moments before they went too far. It was a confidence killer for me, but had he just told me what was going on, I wouldn’t have anguished so much over it. But I was quite consumed with “What made her so special? What’s wrong with me?”

After some serious talks, I found out that him getting dumped by this girl before he had a “next time” with her seriously damaged his mo-jo. It was a relief that it was a him thing and not a me thing. But we worked on it together. Until we actually managed to finally “be” together, I was insanely jealous of her, and didn’t even want to hear her name, because she had the best of my boyfriend (now fiancee), but then robbed him of his confidence.  I think it was more of me being angry with her for hurting him so badly. But that’s been years ago, and we get on quite well now. He still has his bedroom quirks, but it’s been fun teaching him.

Too Much Information, I know… But you aren’t a freak. I think every girl in some small way or another thinks disdainfully about their partner’s exes from time to time.

Post # 7
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@AirForceFiance: Ouch! When Darling Husband and I first got together, he slipped up and called me by his ex’s name twice (our names start with the same letter though, so I can understand it). Try to think of it this way–she had what, ten months with him? You get the rest of your life!

Post # 8
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@AirForceFiance: I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t understand when people get upset about past relationships. Is he still talking to her? Did you find out he was hiding it from you? 

I wouldn’t be upset. He chose you and they weren’t even together a year. 

Post # 9
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I understand what you mean…I’m not jealous of my FI’s ex, but she was his only serious gf before me, and they broke up a year before we got together. I guess the thing that I think about the most is wondering if he misses her, thinks about her, etc. When you’re with someone and it was serious, they were a big part of your life so it’s hard not to think about things like that when it comes to your Fiance and his ex. I think it’s perfectly normal, and you’re not alone. I posted recently about running into my FI’s ex…I didn’t run into her, but he did and that was the fisrt time since they broke up 4-5 years ago. So, I’m just waiting to run into her. I kind of just want to show off you know? Kind of show her what SHE’S missing now since she broke it off with him, it’s not that I would ever cause anything or be jealous of who she is, because he loves me, it’s just that woman factor that kicks in I guess that says “this is mine, beware” or something like that. lol! It’s hard to explain, but totally know where you’re coming from.

Post # 10
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I used to be super super jealous of the ex before me. They had only been broke up 6 months before he met me. His sister has her on her facebook and then all of a sudden he had her on his. I have a very open communication relationship with my FH and I bluntly told him I didnt like it. I explained an ex is an ex for a reason when you get rid of one of them its for a good reason so why would you still be friends with her. Well he informs me that she like to start stuff by telling his family horrible stories about him. (His sister that she talks to is only 13) I used to stalk the shit out of her page…through his account…because we have that trusting relationship we know each other passwords to everything. Now dont get me wrong I trust my man I just wanted to make sure she wasnt saying shit about me and he just having it go in one ear and out another….know what I mean? Now we have talked and talked about this situation a long time and what it comes down to is:

yes he picked me and gave me the ring, he also told me that I am his longest relationship then any of the other ones…so in the end…..this makes my jealousy go away.

Plus I know how he feels about cheating and he knows how I feel about it too!

In the end….He comes home to me each night. We respect each other by telling each other what are plans are, where we are going, and who we are out with. If plans change because hey they do….we just text or call and tell the other person what the new game plan is!

Its normal to be leary of the exes. You obviously know you got a good one…and well they know they lost a good one and may or may not want to try and get him back….but have faith and communicate with your partner!

Post # 11
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

I get jealous sometimes only because she was his first and it would be nice if we had shared that together.  BUT in every other aspect, I’m completely not jealous.  Her life is a trainwreck and I’m glad I’m not her.

Post # 12
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I know how you feel. My husband was with a girlfriend for ~4 years right before he met me. They were on and off the majority of the time but that doesn’t really matter because so long as he always went back to her it was still 4 years total. She was also the one to take his virginity and that pisses me off. I lost my virginity to my husband and that’s just what I wanted, but it saddens me that I she will forever have what I can never have of my husband.

I know he’s my husband, I know I have a lifetime with him, etc. but I still despise her. Yes it takes two to tango but it’s easier for me to channel all my anger on her–someone I won’t interact with and can’t start a fight with. Overall things between me and my husband are great, but whenever I hear her name (not from him but anywhere, it’s a common enough name) or think about the situation a part of me seethes with anger and pain. Yeah not exactly healthy but it is what it is. Hope you deal with it better.

Post # 13
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

For the first year of our relationship, I did feel jealous of the time they had together. I also used to feel like I was experiencing so many firsts with him, but he had done it all before. I don’t feel that way anymore though. When I told him how I felt, he said ‘All those things are firsts for me as well, because it’s the first time I do them with you’.

We moved in together a year ago, after 16 months of dating, whereas he never moved in with her despite dating her for 4 years. So moving in together was a first for him as well. Neither of us have been married before, so when we get married that will also be a new experience for us both… Basically, after moving in with him, I realised that we have experienced, and will continue to experience, so many firsts together.

He told me after 10 months of dating that I’m the love of his life.

I also know that he was absolutely miserable with her for the last year and a half they were dating, and the relationship ended because neither of them were happy. He also said recently that he can’t understand why he put up with her crap for as long as he did.

Also, they broke up 3 1/2 years ago, and he hasn’t kept in touch with her, which makes me feel better about it. As our relationship has progressed, the jealousy has gradually disappeared.

Post # 14
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Her and I are actually really good friends (and only met after her and Fiance broke up). We get together and go shopping and just hang out now – his family thinks it’s a bit odd, but Fiance doesn’t care (he does work with her family still).

Actually, she’s invited to our wedding too, and she is going to help out with things for it. She even helped with picking out my dress, bridesmaid dresses, and other things I needed.

It’s a strange relationship, and I hear that for a lot of people, but it works for us. Before her and her last boyfriend broke up, we used to all hang out together as well.

Post # 15
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yes, absolutely.  Fi used to date a complete nympho before me.  🙁

Post # 16
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Hell yes!

Here is my first WB thread ever, and it’s related to exes!

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/second-wife-second-best

Hope you find some useful morsels in that.

But things have sure changed for me.  You CAN get past it. 

 I live in the house they selected and purchased and am a step-mum to the dog they chose together and bought. 

I have to deal with lots and lots of stuff that was once shared between him and her every single day. Camping stuff, our canoe, etc etc etc.  

 I still occassionally get mail in her name. Since I am power of attourney while Fiance is deployed, I will call one of our services, say, telephone and they will ask me if G. F is still on the account. I know FH has tried to take her name off everything, but sometimes stuff slips through the cracks, no biggie!  

My PERSONAL favorite EX thing was when Fiance went to add me to his Costco account he couldn’t b/c she was the primary account holder.  Mmmkay.  BUT that account was linked to HIS CC and he has been paying the bill all along. Meaning she hasn’t paid for the 2 years they’ve been legally separated.  So while at Costco the accounts person swung the screen around so we could see that she had added her new bf’s name to the account and had been using it all along!  Fiance and I open a new account and ask ex for the fees for the current year.  She says she won’t pay since she hasn’t used it since they split up. *bbbbbbaaannnn* wrong girl, we saw your billing history! lolol!  BUSTED! We never got the money back.  Thats okay. She has left a bunch of Army issued stuff (which she had the nerve to ask for in the same email where she lied about using the Costco card)  in the back of the basement that she will never get back. Have fun paying the Army back for that very expensive stuff when you are asked to return it!!

Time really does help this. And I ended up getting some couselling offered to me when I found out Fiance was being deployed and the doc and I have talked alot about the jealousy stuff too.  So therapy might be an option for you!

Sorry for such a long post.

Hope Ive helped a little.

 

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