Post # 1
My name is, for example, Mary Jane Smith. I am called by my middle name, Jane. I am marrying a man with the last name Jones (for example).
I would honestly prefer to simply keep my maiden name. I really don’t like the way my middle name and his last name sound together. However, Fiance is not going for that at all. Therefore, I have decided to add his name onto the end of my full name. “Mary Jane Smith Jones”
I am wondering how this will work for the rest of my life. It has always been confusing enough to explain that I go by my middle name. When I am signing something for legal reasons, I have always signed “Mary J. Smith.”
Will I always have to go by ALL FOUR names now? Sounds exhausting. I’ve thought about dropping my first name, but I don’t really want to do that.
Anyone else in this situation?
Post # 3
You could make your name “Jane Mary Smith Jones?” I kept my maiden name and fiance doesn’t love it, but I wanted to keep it. I feel like adding his name would make it too long – since my name is 2 syllables and his is 3. Its a tough decision. Sorry that I’m not too much help.
Post # 4
@Miss Sorbet: What is your FI’s reason for you having to take his name? Because honestly, its ultimately your choice. You could always just go by his socially. If you do go about that way, then yeah, on forms you will have to go by all names.
Post # 5
You probably won’t like my answer, but I am in a similar situation and I am taking his name anyway. I have always hated the way my first name sounds with his last name (they rhyme! seriously) but my Fiance is very traditional and I know it would hurt his feelings immensely if I didn’t take his name. I also think it will be much easier when we have children, etc, for us to have the same last name.
Post # 6
I was somewhat in this same situation. In my situation though I go by my first and middle name so, with your example, people call me Mary Jane. I really wanted to keep my maiden name and add my husband’s name.
Soooo, I go down to Social Security office and was planning to make Mary Jane my first name (instead of first and middle), move maiden to middle and add new last. Well to do that I would need a court order. The only thing you can do when changing your name for marriage (with a marriage certificate) is move your maiden name to middle and add new last.
My name is now “Mary Jane Smith Jones”. I still go by Mary Jane socially and when I sign my name to anything it is Mary JS Jones.
Hope this helps somewhat!
Post # 7
Why doesn’t he want what would make you happiest? It’s not like he’s being asked to change something fundamental about himself upon marriage. If it’s to “feel like a family” or have the same name as the kids, why doesn’t he consider taking your name, hyphenating, or creating a new name?
Post # 8
You know what, I’m sorry for my previous comment. That was not the question you asked. To answer your question – on offcial forms you will probably need to always go by all four names, but informally you can just go by middle yourlast hislast.
Post # 9
He just seemed very hurt by the fact that I didn’t want to take his name. It’s not a THAT big of a deal to me, so I’m going to. I guess I’ll just get used to having a super long name…lol.
@MissDane: I have thought about signing my name as Mary JS Jones as well, so that is probably what I will do. Socially I will probably still go by Jane Smith (since that’s what people know me as) or Jane Smith Jones.
Post # 10
In my previous marriage I dropped my first name and simply confused everyone…even the credit reporting bureaus. LOL
Post # 11
@mightywombat: This was my reaction, too. If your preference is not a big deal to you and means a lot to him, then I understand doing something you don’t want to do to make him happy. But if it’s more than just a long name hassle, take some time to think about it. My fiance was a little upset at first when I told him I wasn’t taking his name (though I was probably less than diplomatic in informing him of my choice). He’s gotten used to it and would only ever want me to do what makes me happy.
As far as forms go, though (and besides having very strong opinions, I am also a form expert!) you will need both last names on everything and your paperwork will probably get filed under Smith in some places and Jones in others. You’re still able to go by whatever you want socially and on anything informal. Going by your legal middle name, you’re probably pretty used to some of this confusion already.