Post # 1
Member
21 posts
Newbee
I’m posting anon because if DH ever found out i posted this, he’d kill me. He doesn’t know my account, but he probably could figure it out.
DH and I are TTC. I can’t help but start to think about when the little one gets here. His mother is very…interesting. I actually find it hard to believe that she was the one who raised DH.
The thought of her alone with my baby scares me. I have never seen her with children, so maybe I’m wrong and she’s actually very good with them. But I have serious doubts that she would be responsible enough to care for a baby. I could NEVER mention this to DH. But she managed at some point, and DH is perfect. Which is the weird thing.
Now, I’m wondering if anyone feels the same way about anyone in their family. Will MIL expect to have one-on-one time with the baby? Is that unusual when the baby is young? She’d probably be okay with a 1 year old. But I have my doubts about a newborn.
Post # 2
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I would never leave our baby (when we have one) with my MIL. She has a hard enough time taking care of herself, she had a stroke and has difficulty walking and getting around. Also, she smokes like a chimney so the baby wouldn’t be allowed in the house. I’ve never even entered her house and don’t plan to.
If she visited me (unlikely), or we were at DH’s aunt’s house, MIL could hold the baby if DH or I was there.
Post # 3
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
Don’t feel bad..I had the same anxieties over my own Mom.
I do allow her to look after my DD for short amounts of time now that my DD is older (2.5), but I still worry. She tends to be.. a little absent minded sometimes, or thinks the worst things are a good idea…and it scares the ever living jeepers out of me.
My DD LOVES her though..so it is tough. I find that short timeframes of her being looked after by my mom are fine. I can deal with that.
I know how tough of a situation this is. I wish there was a better solution!
Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
Don’t feel bad for feeling this way. Honestly I dont’ 100% trust anyone looking after DS without us there, but at some point you have to leave him with people and you don’t always get your top pick. I’ve found what helps is spending time with them first to watch the interaction and talk about safety precautions, etc. I find that everyone we’ve left him with clearly goes overboard making sure he’s alright and of course no one is gonig to do things exactly how you want them done, but at the end of the day all that matters is that he survives the day 🙂
Post # 5
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
For some reason my mom let her MIL look after me all day every weekday for a couple months after my brother was born (I was almost 2). Now that I’m grown up I realize just how good a thing it was that her boyfriend was usually the one home, as she really isn’t a responsible person.
Personally I wouldn’t let my MIL have alone time with my baby because I’m scared of her. She is honestly an insane terrifying person.
Post # 6
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Yep & I won’t put it on the internet who it is… But there are people in mine and/or FI’s life I wouldn’t trust my kid alone with.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by LMD.
Post # 7
Member
21 posts
Newbee
moderndaisy: This is a REALLY good idea. I never thought about observing how she is while we’re there.
Luckily, MIL loves her job and said she doesn’t plan to retire for a long time. My mom on the other hand, hates her job and will retire the second she’s able to. So my parents will most likely be the go-to babysitters. I just hope MIL doesn’t get jealous and want her own one on one time, or even worse, retire.
I would completely trust my mom with a baby. But I’ve also seen her with babies as we have a lot of babies on my side of the family. Plus, she raised me and I know she was good at it.
Post # 8
Member
2974 posts
Sugar bee
i just found out i’m pregnant with our first, but even before i found out, i was iffy about having my mother in law and one of my sisters in law taking care of any kids we may have, especially when they’re babies/toddlers. i wouldn’t have a problem if it was for a few hours here and there, but i wouldn’t want them to be the regular baby sitters. it’s not because i think they’re irresponsible or anything, it’s just that from what i’ve observed they don’t seem to interact with the babies enough. my sister in law and her family live with my in laws at the moment. my sister in law’s youngest is a year old and she’s just kind of…there. they make sure she’s fed and changed and everyting, but they’ve never really talked to to her or played with her or tried to teach her anything and it makes me so sad. like, at least turn on sesame street or something, lol. maybe that sounds silly, but i just feel like if my kids spent several hours with them everyday they’d have mush for brains.
Post # 9
Member
8646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
The truth is, if someone is irresponsible, looking after a one year old can be just as dangerous or more. I would not leave a child alone with anyone with whom I didn’t have 100% confidence at any age. You will have a better opportunity to observe after you have a baby.
Just because you think she’s irresponsible in some areas of her life doesn’t necessarily mean she can’t be trusted with a baby, although it very well might mean exactly that.
Also, people can change dramatically. Yes, she raised your H, but it’s also very possible she may have issues now that she didn’t have then.
Post # 10
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
Absolutely. DH is adamant that his mother will not be allowed to babysit, and I 100% agree with that. I don’t even trust her to pet-sit for us, we ask DH’s brother to do it after she almost killed our cats. We asked her to watch our cats for a week while we went camping with the other side of his family, and at the time we didn’t have a car, so we caught a ride with them.
We called the second day to see how they were doing and found out she went on vacation (WE had to call HER to find that out) and wouldn’t be back until after we were! DEAD MIDDLE of summer, with heat in the 80’s and 90’s. We had to get someone to make a 3 hour round-trip drive to take us home. They still had some food and water, but it was sweltering. If we didn’t happen to call and find out, they would have died.
Anyone who can do that (unapologetically I might add) is not responsible enough to look after a child. But it’s so much more than that. It’s mostly how she treated DH and his siblings growing up (and even now), and the fact that she gets drunk and high often. She got drunk and high even when they were kids, so how could I trust her to be sober in case of emergency?
And the stories she tells… She’s 100% convinced she was once hypnotized by sasquatch (I so badly wish I was joking). She’s convinced her mother (sweetest woman ever, by the way) came over, purposely placed a knife in her drawer, and somehow telepathically convinced her to hit her child on the hand with it. No. Nope. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t trust her to babysit while I ran out to the car and back.
I would trust almost anyone else in his family, though. I would probably trust my mother, even– she’s got problems, but she is at least able to hide them.
Post # 11
Member
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
We are fortunate enough to have some really wonderful, intelligent, trustworthy parents and friend’s in our lives. But there are certainly some people who’s parenting styles I don’t agree with and I wouldn’t want them watching my son for long period’s of time or frequently. Bad habits!
Post # 12
Member
21 posts
Newbee
firefliesinthesky: That’s crazy!! I can’t believe that happened! I’m so glad you found out and were able to go back home. That should not have happened.
weddingmaven: I guess I feel like they are less “fragile” at one year. I don’t know if I would trust MIL to hold the baby properly, be gentle, etc. But quite honestly, I would rather her not EVER be alone with my children. I just feel like it’s unrealistic, especially if I can’t be honest with DH about my concerns. I realize that she could be totally different around a baby. She’s very responsible with the important things in life, finances, cooking, work, etc so I really am hoping that “babies” fall under that. It’s her personal life where she’s really bizarre and a totally different person who makes me wonder and scared about leaving her alone with my kids.
Post # 13
Member
8646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
AnonHoney: Yes, an infant is more fragile. But with a toddler, one has to have eyes in back their head at all times. I can’t tell you how many stories of accidents, and near misses I’ve heard in that age group.
Post # 14
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
Having concerns is normal and fair, but this is really something you’d have to air with your husband. Better now than the first time MIL says, “I want to watch the baby!” and he finds that you’re repeatedly saying “No,” but not giving a reason. Does anyone else in the family have kids? Is there an opportunity for you to see her with kids in the future?
My best advice is just to slowly increase the amount of supervised time she has with the baby. She MAY surprise you.
Post # 15
Member
840 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
AnonHoney: Totally understand. MIL watches my SIL’s kids all the time so I know that she’s going to expect to watch my kids a lot. DH already said he doesn’t want her watching them. I was so relieved because I certainly did not want to have to bring it up to him! It’s not that she’s incompetent at all, it’s just that she is a very negative person and doesn’t have the same values we have. We just don’t want her to be a stong influence in our kids’ lives.
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