(Closed) Does anyone make you feel bad that you’re waiting?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

“When you get married?  Are you engaged yet?”

AHHHH! I HATE THAT! It’s hard not to respond with, “No, I’m not engaged yet. But had you listened to me on other occassions you’d know it’s something we are pursuing and had you been listening to me NOW I was IN FACT referring to the FUTURE tense which indicates that I’m more than aware of the fact that I’m not at that stage currently.”

My mom is a huge negative nancy when it comes to engagements. I tell her we looked at rings for the 1st time. Her response, “All those big gaudy rings out there are just ugly. I don’t know why anyone would want to wear any stone on their finger. It just gets in the way.” Thanks mom. I tell her that he gave me a timeline. Her reponse? “Well, you could always propose because he probably won’t.” …. πŸ™

Sorry people are being so horrible about your excitement. What bit them and made them so pessimistic, lackluster and hopeless? Since when was it taboo to dream or love your partner? seriously? well, I’m excited that your relationship is so awesome that you can get excited about the future. Forget them.

Post # 5
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That’s so interesting, because I usually get the other side of the equation, people *too* hopeful for me!  I don’t even tell my mom we’re talking about it now, because she’ll get too excited, even though I really want her to change the planned family vacation to earlier, so it won’t be too close to my hoped for wedding dates!

…it’s like Goldilocks, needs to be juuuust right

Post # 6
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsKevyChevy: Exactly. If you didn’t want to get married you would have said no (if you were a decent person) and you wouldn’t be married/engaged. You might not have seen it coming and you might not have said you wanted to get married one day out loud…but saying yes when the question comes means you did want it. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I think people forget that sometimes. I’m sure there are plenty of married people out there who could attest to the confusion and stress of dating and being rejected and trying to find the “one” and then trying to figure out if he ever wanted to marry you because, let’s face it, you start this game as a novice. We don’t have all the answers. But just because you didn’t have to play too long or because you’ve already won doesn’t mean you need to put down those who are still in it.

I’m actually not angry today. I’m sure it sounds like it. πŸ™‚ But that type of attitude really rubs me the wrong way. Life is hard enough as it is. And we don’t need an audience of negative nancies putting us down every time we are happy. Blah! πŸ™‚ Do you have a picture of your Grandmother’s ring?

Post # 7
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@kay01: Spread the news. The answer is porridge. We’ve been getting it wrong all this time. We need engagement porridge. Not engagement chicken. Laughing

Post # 9
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

That’s gonna be beautiful when it’s all said and done. And it’s wonderful that your Grandmother will still be a part of your lives. Even if its a small way. You’ll definitely have to post a pic of what the finished product looks like. πŸ™‚

Question though: Why rhodium? Personal preference? Is it more durable? Just curious.

Post # 11
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t worry about them. If someone says “when you get married? Are you engaged yet?” wait until they say soemthing about babies. Ask if they are pregnant yet, if not, stop worrying about it.LOL

Post # 13
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

I would be so angry if that happened to me!  Like they wouldn’t be married if they hadn’t wanted to be. *eyeroll*

 

I don’t get those kinds of comments, but I think it’s because Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are so young.  It’s me who sometimes makes myself feel bad.  For instance, when my cousin got engaged this past Christmas when SO and I had been together for 16 months longer than he and his gf.  I know that they have a good 5 years on BF and I, but still.

 

Does anybody else worry that others don’t take their relationship with their Boyfriend or Best Friend seriously because they aren’t engaged yet?  I know that Boyfriend or Best Friend is invited to the previously mentioned cousin’s wedding now, but for awhile I wasn’t sure if he would be simply because we’re young, not engaged, and don’t live together… regardless of the fact that we’ll have been together nearly 3.5 years by the time the wedding rolls around this September and of the fact that we’ve spent the past 2 Christmases with each others families.

Post # 14
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I actually haven’t had anyone be mean about me waiting. The only time I’ve been asked, “OMG ARE YOU GUYS MARRIED YET?!” was in Mississippi by some guy the family knew. But I feel lucky that no one berates me about it. My mom does comiserate with me and sometimes will say, “I can’t wait til he proposes! It’s such an exciting time in your life!” but that’s pretty much it.

I’m sorry people give you a hard time! That sucks. πŸ™

Post # 15
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I knew we were going to get married, but I was never waiting for an engagement, actually it happened well before I thought it would. I really didn’t see it coming, but again, I knew we would eventually get married, but I was in no rush for it happen.

I think it was wrong for them to say those things. There is no reason you can’t talk about “when you get married”, especially when you know you will eventually. Some people don’t have a filter

Post # 16
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

I’ve never had anyone be mean, really. Most are just curious. One thing has annoyed me though. My boss said that he needs to hurry up already. I found that odd because she waited for 7 years and I know that she wasn’t happy about it.

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