- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
I wasn’t sure whether to post this.. I’m a little embarressed but i’m hoping there are other people out there who have the same feelings.
I have food issues. I think about food often. I think about food even more when I am trying not to think about food.
I seem to have an “”all or nothing” approach to eating. I will either be really strict and eat perfect and workout daily or I will binge and sit down in front of the TV stuffing my face.
My weight yo-yo’s because of this. 138lbs is the lightest I have ever been and the heaviest is 190lbs. I’m currently at 158lbs after losing 20lbs this year.
I was doing really well losing weight and not binging but my weightloss started to slow down. I got impateint so increased exercise and cut calories. I was feeling really grumpy and havent had a period in a few months. I was so exhausted.
About a week ago I ended up having a binge. I decided to take some time off dieting and instead to maintain my weight and keep exercising until I started feeling better. That didn’t happen, instead I pretty much ate junk all day for the week. I did this in secret too as I was ashamed.
On Sunday I started afresh, and did really well up until yesterday. I really wanted a certain thing to eat, but instead of just having that in a recommended serving (or not having it at all) I ate that plus a whole lot of other stuff to the point I felt sick.
The idea of binging really excites me.. I plan what I am going to eat, purchase it and sit in front of the TV watching my favourite shows with all the food laid out in front of me. I only do this when Darling Husband is out and I hide all the evidence.
Today is a new day, I have healthy meals planned out and prepared and I had a personal training session this morning but I have this constant worry that I am going to binge again.
I have worked so hard to lose this weight, I dont want this to be a constant issue in my life.
I work in the city around lots of cafes and see people buying their lunch everyday, having coffee and muffins and eating whatever and I get so jealous that they can do that. I feel guilty if I have a coffee because of the dairy. I cant have a muffin because of all the sugar/carbs. I havent had a drink in 6 months because of the calories.
It’s just so frustrating that I cant just eat in moderation. I would love to be able to have just one biscuit instead of the whole packet (which I did twice last week.)