(Closed) does BD'ing on a "schedule" ruin the fun?

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It definitely changes things but I do my best to not think about babies while we are having sex. I think it’s important to concentrate on what’s happening instead of ‘this could get us pregnant’. It’s so easy for it to become a task instead of special time with your SO.

If you can, don’t say ‘We need to have sex today’. Just attack him. If you SO is anything like my husband, he doesn’t need talked into it.

Post # 4
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think so. I think it can ruin the fun, but only if it’s like the way they portray it in the media where the wife is like “OMG I’m ovulating RIGHT NOW! We have to do it RIGHT NOW! AAHHHHHHH!!!” Otherwise, as long as you’re conscious of it and initiate naturally, then it’s not a big deal.l

 

Post # 5
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think it’s more fun. Sometimes Darling Husband and I need a bit of a kickstart for our sex life and TTC has been just what we needed. Just becasue you;re hoping it will make a baby doesnt mean it can’t be fun!

Post # 6
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It didn’t for us.  It was exciting because we were having sex for a purpose!  I never said we need to have sex now.  I would mention it the week before and say something silly like I need you to be rested and ready to go.  I don’t think you need to be on a schedule per se but maybe more focused on having sex during the window.  I planned to make a little sign or something for hubs to know when it was the “go week” but I got PG before I got it done.  Good luck!  You can have fun with it!

ETA:  Try not to get resentful if you don’t do it as many times as you wanted to during the window.  I think that can take the fun out of it.  There were a few times when Darling Husband was exhausted or stressed and I just let it go although I was thinking “WE’RE MISSING OUR WINDOW!”

Post # 8
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

For us, as soon as we started TTC, it put a whole new dynamic to BDing. It’s hard to explain. Going from preventing to get pregnant my whole adult life to trying to get pregnant was an adjustment. Not in a bad way, just because your mindset is so different I guess. 

We’ve been TTC 12 cycles now, (with a pregnancy in the 9th cycle followed by a miscarriage at the end of February). For the first few months of TTC, I kept my Darling Husband completely out of it. I didn’t tell him I was peeing on all of those OPKs and I just jumped him when the time was right. After a few months though he got more involved in the whole process and started to ask questions. So I decided to tell him when I was ovulating. Not like you see in the movies but I just let him know it was baby making time during those 5 or 6 days. I didn’t really find it made a difference in our BDing (him finishing, the enjoyment, etc). The month we got pregnant I was very open with him, (because after 9 months of no luck it got really hard to just keep it to myself) I remember one day that month I was sitting on the couch and he just randomly said “Alright, let’s do this” hahaha and so we literally just did it! I am convinced that is the BD that got me pregnant.

We never really have a BD ‘schedule’ so to speak, but when I knew I was close to ovulating, we would BD more; every day or every other day. So I don’t think it ruins the fun, it just like I said, puts a whole new dynamic on your sex life.

I think every couple is different. I would say just have fun and try to not think about it. Who am I kidding? It’s almost impossible to not think about it lol

Going forward I think I am going to continue to be open with him about when it is baby making time! 🙂

Good luck and have fun. My fingers are crossed that your stay here on the TTC boards is short and sweet! 

Post # 9
Member
8884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

For us it hasn’t changed anything. We are always “before bed” kind of people, unless it’s the weekend.  When my OPK is positive and he comes home from work I tell him it’s go time. The randomness of it turns him on lol

Post # 10
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly, most of the time we have a lot of fun with it, but mainly because we both want a baby and have a great sense of humor about it. Towards the end though (we BD daily during the fertile week, this month we BD daily for 12 days!), it gets a little rough.

Post # 11
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

To be honest, we have had to schedule it. We are in our 22nd cycle of trying and work extremely opposite schedules so sometimes when I get a peak on the CBEFM he has to come home from work on his lunch break to do the deed! It has been sort of exhausting.

Post # 12
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

For us, it didn’t make a difference – only change was me saying “if we’re definitely serious about  a baby, let’s have some sexytime right now.”  With that said…we got lucky our first month trying, so I only said it twice (two days in a row).  I could imagine it being different if you were very scheduled (every day or every other day within a week of O, for example) for a long time.

Post # 13
Member
4574 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think, in my experience, if Darling Husband knows he is on a schedule then yes, it can put a lot of pressure on him and ruin the fun, but I have noticed that if Darling Husband has no idea he is on a scheduled, things are just fine.  My Darling Husband used to be very involved and knew the scheduled and because he had that pressure on him, sometimes he couldnt perform;) but once I put him on the dark and knew nothing about my O time, things got better and he enjoys it as before :))) I think, us girls, can deal with “the scheduled BD” much better than man. 

Post # 14
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have to vote with YES, TTC takes the fun out of sex.  But, I’ve been TTC for 1+ years, so my story is different.  We were never sex everyday kind of people, so when I went off the pill, I knew that we needed to time it right.   Darling Husband wanted to be kept in the dark at first, so I’d just initiate sex during my fertile times.  However, as the months progressed, keeping Darling Husband is in the dark became more impossible.  There were times when I knew we had to BD, but Darling Husband was totally not in the mood.  Those were frustrating moments, and I’d end up letting the cat out of the bag saying something like, “we need to have sex right now!”  As you can imagine, mandatory sex is much more business-like than romantic.  Now, Darling Husband usually asks when I’m ovulating, and we try not to focus on it, but when you know you have to have sex, it’s still in the back of your mind even if you try not to think about it.  But even when sex is more business-like, that doesn’t mean it’s not fun.  It’s still special and amazing because its the two of you trying to make a baby! How cool is that! 

I hope you get your BFP right away!

Post # 15
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My husband is a total Type A personality, so he liked to have a schedule. LOL. We would plan out our BDing for the week and that worked for us. No it wasn’t spontaneous, but we had a goal and went for it. I guess it did take some of the fun out of it, but we didn’t mind. we kept the fun for the rest of the month! 

Post # 16
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

at first, it sucked because my Darling Husband felt like there was so much pressure on him. now that we’ve talked more, are on the same page, and are more understanding of the toll that TTC takes on each other… it’s actually works out for the better.

With DH’s knees the way they are, knowing when we need to BD he can try to take it easy on his knees for a day or two prior. So… our sex life has actually improved because of scheduling because he’s not in pain.

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