Post # 1
Is there anyone out there who was like I am – terrified at the prospect of all the heartache, sorrow, anxiety and anger that is coming down the road? My in-laws my Fiance and myself cause anxiety at best and rage at worst. It’s his family, and he just wishes they would go away.
Is anyone on the other side? Is anyone a sensitive thin-skinned fish like me who was able to weather the storm? Does it get better?
Just some background – I’ve never been able to live with my Fiance – we’ve been long distance for 70% of our 10 year relationship. I like to think that when he moves to be with me things will be better and the families will fade away.
Any survivors of hell?!
Post # 3
I survived it. The marriage didn’t, but that was for other reasons…
I think it’s VERY important for you and Fiance to present a united front – you two will have to talk about things that might happen, things they might say, ways they might react, etc. If you are prepared, it is amazing what you can handle. Also, you’ll feel more confident handling them if you and Fi are prepared. You’re tougher than you think!
The other thing is to remember that you cannot reason with unreasonable people. You won’t change your in-laws and he can’t change his parents, but you can change the way they affect you. You can change your reactions.
Buy the book: Toxic Parents – it is great for ways to deal with manipulation and bad relationships within family.
Best of luck.
Post # 4
No, it won’t get better unless you change your reaction. You can’t change people; so change your reaction. Let it go. Really. Find a relative to confide in; either yours or his. It’s good coffee conversation; but the reality is there will always be drama. I’m not sure what the issues are; but does it really matter? If people can’t be nice from the get-go; when they’re up to their waists, I doubt it’ll get better. Try talking to the family’s rabbi, minister, priest and see if they can give you any direction on how to cope.
Don’t spend your time worry about this. Let it roll off your back. Life is too short. Find people you like and enjoy that company. Best of luck.
Post # 5
I have a lot of struggles with my in-laws. There is one issue in particular that I try not to bring up, but that my Mother-In-Law ALWAYS mentions because she’s just sure she can get me to change my mind. My husband is somewere in the middle with his beliefs, but even when he disagrees with me, he knows it is important to stand up to his mother and tell her not to fight with me.
Aside from that, though, I do think that things improve. I try really hard to be respectful of my Mother-In-Law, even though she disagrees with me. Our relationship has gotten a lot better since we got married and moved to the same town as her.
Post # 6
I think sometimes you also just develop a tolerance to them. Things that used to bother me just roll off my back now (well mostly).