Post # 31
I’m not convinced that there’s a significant relationship. There are just so many other potential sources of stress that have nothing to do with your relationship with your partner. How much else is going on in your life at the same time? Can you easily afford the wedding you want or is it going to be a struggle requiring lots of compromises? Do you and your families live in the same area or will someone have to travel? Etc., etc., etc.
Post # 32
The majority of my friends have been married less than 2 years so it’s hard to say whether or not having stressful wedding planning has been indicative of their marriages.
One of my friends and her husband will celebrate their first anniversary in a week or so. Wedding planning was so stressful for them because of the interference of their families. They got earfuls of who they had to invite, and who was expected to be in the bridal party, etc. It caused her and her husband to fight. One day they sat down and said f*ck it. They decided to have a destination wedding in Hawaii, inviting just the parents and siblings, and a reception at home a few days after they returned. They originally got even more stress when they decided to do it this way, but they stood their ground – together – and said this was it. Fortunately, their families did come around and they had a great reception. Their marriage has been pretty smooth sailing (from the outside and from what she has told me) because they were able to handle the conflicts and realize that the constant fighting about wedding details was having an affect on their relationship.
Her one bit of advice to me, as a newly engaged gal, is realize that the wedding is just one day. Sometimes we (in the general sense) tend to lose sight of that.
My Fiance and I had some major deal breaker topics that we had to deal with early on in our relationship. It was how we handled these that I realized we were a great team. We started talking about wedding planning before we officially got engaged and while I know things won’t always go smoothly, we have been able to hear each other out on our different opinions and able to compromise. We got the big things like the type of wedding and date out of the way and we feel good about it. He’s kind of letting me take it over from here, not because he’s a pushover, but he trusts my judgment and doesn’t care about some of the less important details.
I think you always need to be able to deal with conflict, whether it comes from wedding planning or something else and that is more indicative of how successful a couple’s marriage is.
Post # 33
From what I’ve gleaned from friends, there’s very little correlation. There’s this idea that an engagement is fluffy bunnies and rainbows 24/7, and that glosses over the fact that you’re bringing together two people, neither of whom likely have event planning experience, to plan a major event. Also, there’s family and money stuff that inevitably comes up.
Wedding planning has not been easy for me and my fiancé. We had different ideas about what each of us wanted from a wedding, who would contribute, and what strings and expectations those contributions would come with. We have managed to come together and compromise, choosing to work with each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
We’ve planned cross-country moves, dealt with sick parents, job changes, and all the stuff that comes with an actual marriage. We come together really well on that stuff! While planning the wedding has sucked, I think we’re good.
Post # 34
Interesting premise. Easy wedding planning certainly can be a predictor of compatibility, but it doesn’t guarantee it. Darling Husband and I had minimal disagreements with the wedding planning because we’re both easygoing and had similar vision for our marriage, and that continues into our everyday lives. However, I can see how a couple could have “easy wedding planning” if one party is apathetic and defers everything to the other party. That doesn’t demonstrate working together.
Post # 35
This entire theory is mostly based on what society deems a compatible couple/good communication style/outward presentation of sympatico. My husband and I had a great time planning our elopment. Although from the outside you’dve thought it would end up in an AVO being taken out on one or both of us. We had so many issues crop up though our own inability to decide on one course of action over another. Grass was always greener for us. But these disagreements were really us spit-balling. We’re great talkers and debators (we were both top debators in highschool) and love to come at things from aallll angles. We also egg one another on to bigger and grander ideas, so our lives can be quite the production at times. It sounds awfully stressful to people who don’t shout or gesticulate like crazy people, or talk abruptly.
Post # 36
peoniesandpitbulls : I agree in one sense. I can’t imagine fighting with dh over floral arrangements or food, we had zero conflict during wedding planning and have very little conflict as a couple. It was still stressful because of my parents, his family, etc. and I think that’s true for many couples. But yeah, when I see posts about couples who can’t agree on anything with wedding planning it does make me wonder how they’ll deal with real compromises.
Post # 37
I really don’t think the ease of wedding planning=compatibility. My fiancé and I have an easy time wedding planning because he actually doesn’t have too many opinions about it. What I mean is he cares about who’s invited, where it is, planning what his boys are wearing, photography but food? The date of the wedding? Beach versus the gazebo? Please he isn’t at all concerned. Forget it lol. I’m the pickiest person and I am a perfectionist, A type personality, he is in a way but wedding planning isn’t on the list. He’s excited to just be married. Obviously he has input but I don’t think wedding planning means we are and aren’t compatible.
Couples should really figure that out before splashing out thousands of dollars. Usually you know deep down. If you fight all the time. You don’t trust him=not compatible. Weddings are very stressful and I’ve seen very level headed people lose their shit over wedding planning. So many people have so many opinions and it stops being about the couple and about pleasing people.
I don’t think if a couple fights over wedding planning mean they aren’t meant to be. Most of the time if they are fighting it isn’t over the seating list, it’s over family.
Post # 38
peoniesandpitbulls : think I would agree with your co-worker. Weddings are stressful and difficult to plan. How a couple overcomes challenges speaks volumes of them. Easy may be don’t mean compatible, but how it is done is important!
ETA: It doesn’t mean I didn’t want to kill my hubby a few time throughout the planning, but we made through it together. And yes, he survived!
Post # 40
My Fiance and I have agreed on everything so far – mainly with shaking up tradition! But then I don’t think agreeing we’d rather have live music than a DJ means we’re compatible…
He did have to have a talking to last weekend because he thought all the details (flowers etc) were up to me and my department! I was really mad. Maybe he was just being nice and didn’t want to mess with my vision but I want us to share everything so it came across as lazy.
Post # 41
2bmarried2017 : I am with you on this one! My fiancé & I had extremely different tastes and had to compromise on all big wedding decisions! Planning our wedding was stressful and I didn’t enjoy most of the process at all. As a couple we rarely fight so disagreeing on so many things was extremely different experience for us and we had to really learn to listen but also hear each other out. My fiancé was amazing and really wanted everything perfect for me and when I realized that things started get easier.
Post # 42
Post # 43
I don’t think so at all. My parents have been married for 34 years, and my mom’s told me that wedding planning was the most they’ve ever fought. They’re super compatible and have a great marriage.
Wedding planning is stressful. My finace and I have argued about it, mainly due to stress around how much money we’re spending. The actual wedding planning (deciding on details) has been fairly easy. I think it’s normal to fight a bit during stressful times, as I’ve seen during other periods of our lives (sick parents, moves, new jobs, etc).