Post # 1
I don’t really know what the etiquette around this is… we’ve put together our initial guest list and basically separated it into two categories: our top priority people who we really want there; and then people that it would be nice to invite if there’s space and money. I’ve included all the partners/plus ones for our top priority people. But for the (for lack of a better term) ‘second tier’ people, do we have to extend plus ones to all of them too? We haven’t booked a caterer yet but based off quotes it’s going to be at least $75/person and while these are people who I do like and would want to celebrate with, if we also have to pay for all of their plus ones, then I would probably just not invite them at all.
I’ve never gone to a wedding where I didnt have a plus one so it seems like it would be really egregious to only extend it to some guests and not others. I feel like it would make more sense if it’s someone who wouldn’t know anyone else there and so could use the company, but I think they’re all classmates/coworkers etc so no one would really be on their own.
And also: if you aren’t going to give someone a plus one, how do you communicate that? Like “this invitation is for you and for you only”?
Post # 2
We took a pretty hard stance, and said if we have never met them, they can’t come. That said, we had a tiny wedding (under 30 people) and didn’t have the space for a bunch of random dates. We just put a note on the invitation saying that due to space constraints we are unable to allow plus ones, but we love everyone who is coming and would love if they got to know each other too. Everyone understood, and other than one cousin who broke up with her boyfriend (who was invited) and started dating someone new before the wedding, no one asked to bring anyone we weren’t expecting.
Post # 3
I think the official etiquette is you extend a plus 1 to those in a relationship, but you don’t have to give a plus 1 to every guest. Someone correct me if that’s wrong. It’s obviously extremely nice if you can afford to extend a plus 1 to every guest, but I don’t think it’s expected. We’re only giving plus 1’s to people in relationships and to our bridal party.
When you address the invites, you’ll either address both guests “Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith” or just to the individual guest – “Mr. John Doe”.
Post # 4
There is a common misconception here. Social units are invited together- whether you know one of both parties. This isn’t a plus one situation – it’s basic politeness.
Plus ones are for truly single people, and it’s my personal opinion that they should be given the opportunity to bring a guest for the evening. Who wants to go to a wedding alone? I certainly wouldn’t.
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
All couples were invited together. Our line was anyone who would know less than 5 other guests got a +1. We had a small wedding and couldn’t give everyone a +1.
Post # 6
Anyone in a relationship should be invited with their partner by name, not +1. As for single guests, it’s up to you but I do think it’s nice to extend a +1 to all adult guests but if your budget doesn’t fit it’s not considered rude not to give single guests a plus one.
Post # 7
A partner is not a plus one, it’s a partner and that person has to be invited. A plus one is when you have a single guest and you give them the option to bring someone of their choosing. You should first invite everyone’s partner and then see if you have space left over to let your VIPs bring a date. But partners of everyone, even low priority guests, are required. If you don’t want to invite a persons partner, it is perfectly fine to exclude the whole couple.
Post # 8
I don’t think there is a general rule here, it really varies per wedding. Our wedding is large, my fiance has a large family and due to budget constraint theres a ton of people we would have loved to invite but just can’t so with that being said we only included partners if we actually knew them and they knew us. I personally am not comfortable having absolute strangers at my wedding especially when we have not managed to invite family or friends! Do what feels right for you. I am ok with not inviting peoples partners if we don’t know them as far as I’m concerned I want to walk celebrate my day with people I love and will be in my life for the forseeable future. We have absolutely no plus 1’s at day but have extended it to evening guests.
Post # 9
There is an absolute rule that couples are invited together or not at all. You can’t ask someone to celebrate your relationship while you’re trivializing theirs. They are a couple if they say they are a couple; it’s not your decision.
Plus ones are guests, entirely optional.
Post # 10
jemmlove12 : there IS a general rule here – that’s exactly what etiquette is. What varies from wedding to wedding isn’t the rule, it’s whether people follow them.
arosen : OP, as others have said, all guests partners need to be included. You can’t invite someone but not invite their spouse, for instance. As for truly single guests – whether or not you choose to offer them a +1 is up to you. I’m of the mindset that one should do so (and also of the mindset that if you’re offered a +1 to an event, you should be judicial in accepting the +1 and shouldn’t bring a rando)
Post # 11
Plus ones are not a necessity by any means and shouldn’t be expected, however if you’re talking about people in a relationship then both members ignore the party should be invited unless the relationship is very new. (Aka after the invites have been printed) or there are extenuating circumstances (very on again off again relationship, never met distant cousins bf/gf)
Post # 12
cassandra7 : “You can’t ask someone to celebrate your relationship while you’re trivializing theirs”
Partners are not plus ones, they are a unit and should be a named person on the invite regardless of having met them or not.
Post # 13
I’m struggling with this same problem!!
Post # 14
catskillsinjune : I Guess we can agree to disagree. I understand your point of view but I feel like you can’t apply that to every single wedding. Not in this day and age when weddings are so different per person and so expensive.
Post # 15
I honestly don’t think there is a BAD way to do plus-ones, unless you decide to be a bitch and invite John Doe and not his wife, or Jane Doe and not her husband. Or fiances.
If they are not engaged or married, then it’s basically free range and most couples just do what works best for them. It’s typically encouraged (and just nice in general) to invite EVERY BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND EVER but that’s just not feasible for everyone, especially with guest limits.
It’s nice to invite the boyfriends and girlfriends of immediate family (your sister’s boyfriend of three months, for example or your fiance’s brother’s girlfriend of maybe six months) – it’s just a nice gesture and you will never regret doing that, even if they don’t get married or whatever.
The real problem comes when you have a cousin who has been dating a guy for an entire year and you have not seen this cousin in 6 years and therefore have never met her boyfriend. And, honestly, every couple does this differently.
For me, we are inviting all girlfriends and boyfriends, but we are not giving plus-ones to singles. We just don’t have the space and we’re already at 217 guests.