(Closed) Does FMIL get to demand her own guest list?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

She hasn’t sent the addresses so you can assume that she has changed her mind

Post # 3
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Hate to say it but it is a bit your fault, you should not have asked for a guest list if you did not want to invite her guests. By yanking it back from her would not exactly give her a better reaction to you.

Your Fiance needs to talk to his mother. 

 

Post # 5
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Im siding with you Fiance. If he doesnt know or meet them, why are they coming to the wedding? And you guys are paying, not your Future Mother-In-Law. Now she plays game, just give up bee. Not worth it.

Post # 7
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

athenalex:  

Glad to see that you realize your part in this. If this had been me, I’d apologize to the Fiance, hope he laughs it off, and then enjoy the remainder of our engagement.

Happy nuptials, Bee!

 

 

Post # 8
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

just lie  to her and tell her that the dates are expired and since she hasn’t given you the address you can’t sent them out anymore. I don’t agree with lying but in this case you might have to.I agree with your Fiance

My mother in law asked me to send out invitions to her family and extended for the sake of invition, since we are having our wedding in Vancouver canada and they all live in hawaii they won’t fly down to our wedding. But i have to invite them as a guesture , 

Post # 9
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I can see where you were coming from by extending the olive branch but if you Fiance doesn’t want them there then they don’t get invited. If it was the other way round, I think you’d be annoyed that your Fiance had gone ahead and asked anyway. If your Mother-In-Law hasn’t handed in the list by your deadline then don’t send invites, especially if you guys are footing the bill for the whole thing.

 

Congrats on the wedding!

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  rwilkinson.
Post # 10
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

Let your fiance handle it from here on out.

Also – I say kudos to you for extending that olive branch.  Whether or not she’s suspicious of your motives, I think it’s brilliant either way.  🙂  

Post # 11
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Oh boy. This is totally my wheelhouse. My Future Mother-In-Law is a narcissist, a control freak, and a psychopath. I tried for years to extend olive branches. These women see kindness as WEAKNESS. don’t try to play good cop/bad cop. Let your Fiance say no to any and all of her foolishness and leave it at that. Nothing good comes from appeasing these women. The last thing your Mother-In-Law needs is to think her tantrums are effective. Good luck!!! 

Post # 12
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PP’s, let your fiance handle it! 

Post # 13
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

applepie15:  Reminds me of mine. Mine is narcissistic, histrionic, and passive-agressive. She plays favorites, with her kids/grandkids and guess whose family is on the bottom wrung, of her ladder of importance? Yet, we’re the 1st ones she calls to make demands, or ask for help. She only sees the others if she pays for them to go to a $$$ resort near her. Wish I was kidding.

 

My Mother-In-Law wrote a couple of nasty e-mails, to my daughter (the bride) the week before her RSVPs were due, demanding she invite a family of distant/estranged relatives. 1. There were no invitations left. 2. Who sends out invitations a week before the due date? 3. We didn’t even have their address. 4. Their kids wouldn’t have been invited anyway. And past history has shown they don’t attend weddings without them. 5. My husbandr had told her repeatedly they wouldn’t be invited. 6. She was the first to leave the reception and had a sourpuss all night. I almost yelled, “don’t let the door hit your ass, on the way out!”

Post # 15
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

2XMOB:  yes sadly I can relate and I know it doesnt get any easier. Stay strong. There are lots of DIL out there who share your pain!

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