Post # 1
We’re having a wedding in a small town where everyone will have to travel about 10 hours to get there. So I guess you could say it’s a destination wedding. My Future Mother-In-Law has never been there, and I don’t expect her to visit the town until the wedding. I have been a few times, so I know what’s there.
She has said she’d pay for the rehearsal dinner, but does that mean she gets to plan where it is? I wouldn’t pick anything super expensive or anything like that, but I’m just thinking that since I’ve been there a few times, I know what might be good or not good.
Side note: My Future Mother-In-Law has not really participated much in the planning. I’ve emailed her a few of my ideas or things I’ve picked out, and she hardly ever responds. At one point I just kept getting my feelings hurt, so I stopped sending stuff, but then I got worried she’d tell her family that she has no idea what’s going on with the wedding because I haven’t involved her.
Anyways, so now that she’s agreed to pay for the rehearsal dinner, is it ok if I suggest where we have it or is that bad etiquette?
Post # 3
It woudnt hurt to talk to her and give her your imput.. but at the end of the day.. bc she is paying she gets to decide.
Post # 4
i didn’t vote because i don’t think there’s a hard rule, i’d just talk to her about it. i assumed my hubby and i would do all the planning even though my in-laws paid for our rd, but they were really into planning it and barely involved us at all. it was a little tense at first during the planning for it since i didn’t know what they wanted to do and wanted us to do, but then once we talked about it it got better.
Post # 5
Definitely talk to her – you could offer to give her ideas on places that may be good to look into. My Future Mother-In-Law wants to plan our rehearsal as a “surprise”.. which I’m not into. She also wanted it at the venue, but I commented to her, and to Fiance, and Fiance put his foot down on the idea to her (thankfully).
It’ll all depend on how much she wants to be involved. I’ve had friends that planned it at Future In-Laws paid, and in my case, they are paying, and want to plan the thing without me knowing anything.
Post # 6
My Future Mother-In-Law is also planning and paying for our rehearsal dinner, and I am also more familiar with the area than she is. Luckily she has been trying to be super active in the planning process. Sometimes too much so, haha. Anywho, I let her do her own research and she would contact me with some options that she found from time to time and ask my opinion. I think in your case it would not be inappropriate to suggest a few places to start or at least offer up your help to her in a “hey I know the area if you want any starting point suggestions” kind of way.
Post # 7
We’re getting married in my hometown, so while the Future In-Laws are paying for the rehearsal dinner, they really don’t know the town well at all. We took them to my parents house for a weekend earlier in wedding planning, so they could be a bit involved, and we all went out to dinner at the restaurant where Fiance and I figured we’d have the rehearsal dinner (it’s owned by a family friend, so we go there a lot). Future In-Laws loved it, and they gave us the go-ahead for planning it. Since then, we also picked out the menu (subject to their approval), and sat down with the owner to plan the event.
I agree that there’s no specific rule, but if your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t being that proactive, you should definitely ask her if she’d like you to find a place, or at least round up some options. It would also probably be nice if you offer to plan together, because it’s a nice bonding gesture. If she turns you down, at least you know you’ve tried.
Post # 8
This is all good advice. I guess I should just talk to her about it and see what she’s thinking.
I’m a planner. My wedding is just about finished and we’re 11 months out (from today!), so it freaks me out a little that she could possibly wait until the last minute to plan everything. I’m not thinking she has to have it planned by tomorrow or anything that soon, but I just like to be organized and have things figured out early so we’re not freaking out later.
Thanks for the advice. Hopefully the “talk” goes well!
Post # 9
@snoie: oh goodness. I definitely don’t want a surprise one either! Scary! lol