Post # 1
Just a little background, my Future Sister-In-Law has known me for 8 years and has sometimes been kind of nice but other times has been very catty and mean towards me. She is 27. About six months ago (pre-engagement) my fiancé’s family was doing a joined gift for fiancé’s bday (I was surprising him with a vacation already) but they asked me to buy it on my card and would pay me back so I did. It was a last minute thing they decided so it didnt get there on time for his bday. On his bday Future Sister-In-Law said she would give me the money asap but she NEEDED to buy a king size bed first, imo not a need but i said no problem. After three months i texted her politely asking for the money she owed me and she sent a whole paragraph cursing me out saying shes not giving me the money. She refused to apologize for how she spoke to me and had her mom give me the money pretending it was from her (mom clearly tried to forge her daughter’s handwriting on the envelope). I didnt see her before we got engaged and then after we did she texted me saying congratulations. That weekend we had a dinner with both of our families and she acted excited and said she would help with the engagement party. I asked her once for help and she ignored me so i didnt ask again. She didnt offer to help at all and then showed up to the engagement party wearing ripped skinny jeans with a boyfriend we’ve never met and she didnt ask to bring. She is constantly very rude to everyone, doesnt care about anyone but herself, and is always negative, even her own family says it. She didnt give us a gift for the party (not that i expect anyone to give gifts but all of my siblings and all other guests did) and I figured it was because she didnt have the money but then she came home a week later to the house my Fiance and her own and let their family live in (parents had bad credit so the two siblings bought the house) without talking about it first with a $1500 dog. Meanwhile we need her approval to turn the basement into an apartment “because its her house too”.
At the moment I have my two sisters, two cousins and 3 best friends. I’m also contemplating adding my other 2 best friends who have been helping so much with EVERYTHING. I know its a large party, but feel these girls are all very important to me.
Do I need to ask Future Sister-In-Law too? My mom says I should, my sisters say shes a total bitch to me so why would I.
Post # 2
No, your bridal party is whoever you want. Don’t add anyone who wouldn’t be a positive influence on your big day.
ETA: I’m sorry that your Future Sister-In-Law seems difficult to work with!
Post # 3
No, pick those who are closest to you. Being related does not obligate someone to be their bridesmaid. Also, if she hasnt treated you well in the past, a wedding is not going to make that better or bring you closer together. If anything, it’ll only make things worse.
If your Fiance wants her to be involved, he can ask her to stand on his side as a groomswomen.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Hell no – even if she hadn’t behaved the way she has, there’s nothing that says she has to be in your bridal party. I didn’t have my Future Sister-In-Law in mine, nor was I in the bridal party when my brother got married.
Post # 5
What does your Fiance think about it? Also, are you of a cultural background or heritage where it’s “expected” for the Future Sister-In-Law to be involved in the wedding party?
There’s no “rules” dictacting who NEEDS to be in your wedding party. It sounds like she’s been totally rude and terrible to you, so I wouldn’t include her. HOWEVER, if you could foresee things changing in the future, maybe there’s a way to involve her somehow. Perhaps she could do a reading at the church, be a guest book attendant, etc. I would see what you fiance says about it – his opinion is also important.
Post # 6
No. If you do you are sending a message that behavior is OK and she can continue for the rest of your lives. She is likely to cause all kinds of issues, drama and stress…read many of these other posts with nightmare bridesmaids. It is a lot easier dealing with someone who doesnt behave if they are not in the wedding party and don’t have as much percieved control.
Post # 7
No. You don’t have to and if you don’t get along well it is better for everyone not to.
Post # 8
soontobeskaats : I read your post, but didn’t even need to to answer this. Your bridal party is WHOEVER you want. Got two biological sisters but only like 1 of them? Only ask the 1. Got 5 friends but only want 2 of them? Only ask the 2. It’s completely up to you. Your bridal party should be a support system.
I personally am not having a bridal party for the very reason that it would cause too much drama and my friends will be there for me regardless of if they stand at the altar with me. My Future Sister-In-Law threw a hissy fit when she found out she couldn’t walk down the aisle. Oh well.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for your help! I was leaning in the direction of not including her but just wanted the opinions of some other brides! Thans so much!