(Closed) Does having an intimate ceremony or getting married at city hall mean no gifts?

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

 

PatientlyWaitn:  

If I’m not invited to anything, I wouldn’t expect to be expected to give a gift for anything.

Just my $0.02.

Post # 3
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Same. Your close family and friends might still give you something out of the good nature of their heart, but I wouldn’t recommend having a registry for an event people are not even invited to…

Post # 4
Member
4009 posts
Honey bee

Yeah, that most likely means no gifts. I did a registry for my baby even though I’m not having a baby shower, and I have not gotten many gifts at all. For a wedding it’s even more so the case (I imagine), since you’re not hosting an event for them to feel the need to give a gift. Maybe some close family will give a gift since they’ll know all about your marriage, but I can’t imagine you’d have people lining up to purchase off your registry.

P.S. Gift registries are typically NOT mentioned on invitiations as that’s considered poor etiquette. People know to give gifts, because they’re going to an event or there is a shower to attend.

Post # 5
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t think it would be appropriate to make a wedding registry but your close relatives will more than likely still give you a gift if they know you’re getting married, it just depends on your family. For extended family I wouldn’t expect anything since you’re not hosting a celebration for your marriage. 

Post # 6
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I am doing the same thing and would not expect anyone to give us any gifts. That’s a tradeoff you make (and one that is well worth it my opinion). 

Post # 7
Member
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

PatientlyWaitn:  How would I go about “asking” our friends and family for gifts

You wouldn’t. That would be rude, to put it nicely. If your friends and family that are attending the wedding ask if you have a registry just simply say “I didn’t feel the need to make one due to the small guest list and to feel free to gift anything you’d like”. You’ll likely get money and gift cards. As far as gifts from people not attending the wedding? I wouldn’t expect any.

Post # 8
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

You might get some gifts.  We’re having a small wedding with just family and bridal party and have received a few gifts already from people who are not invited (parents friends, my fiance’s boss).  I am guessing that some of our friends might get us something small and sentimental but would be very surprised if we receive registry gifts or any kind of larger gifts from friends who are not invited to our wedding.

 

But you definitely cannot ask people.  Well you can, but you’re more likely to end up with fewer friends and the same amount of kitchen and home stuff.

Post # 9
Member
4556 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I only give a gift if I’m invited to a wedding or I’m good friends with the bride or groom, but wasn’t invited for a good reason (e.g., small family-only wedding, became friends close before wedding, etc.).

You can’t ask for gifts in any polite way – if people want to gift you anyway, they will, but I wouldn’t expect many (if any) gifts if you’re not having a wedding.

Post # 10
Member
907 posts
Busy bee

If you’re not going to shell out for a formal wedding, you will not get many gifts, nor should you. Asking for presents from people who were not invited to an event is rather rude, and comes off as very greedy and gift-grabby. If someone asked me for a wedding present when I was not invited to their ceremony and hosted at their reception, I would probably not be a friend of theirs for much longer. 

Post # 11
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We had a very small wedding and threw a party when we got home from the honeymoon. 

We didn’t have a registry and the invitations to party clearly stated no gift or cards required. 

We got gifts from the close family who attended our wedding and we received over 20 bottles of Champagne from friends, but then lots of us would bring Champagne to any party. 

i don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for or even encourage gifts in the situation you describe. 

Post # 12
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, it means no gifts.

Post # 13
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

We “eloped” with only 6 guests.  We did an announcement only a couple weeks before via email/social media and included a very small line that said “registered at Target.”  Our close friends and family still wanted to get us gifts so we went ahead and registered.  We eneded up getting almost everything on our registry.  It was made clear that the reason we had a tiny wedding was due to cost and our recent new jobs limiting our time.  Everyone was still happy for us, understood why we didn’t have a big event and invite everyone, and still sent gifts.  

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