(Closed) Does having boundaries mean you don't trust?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

I trust my husband to have female friends and he trusts me to have male friends. It’s absolutely nbd.

Post # 18
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Whatever boundaries you and Fiance decide on together are fine. And I mean actually decide on together, not “I don’t feel comfortable with this so you need to abide by that.” Every relationship has different boundaries – as long as it’s working for both of you, you don’t have to worry! 

Post # 19
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I guess I feel like if your partner wants to include you it should be fine. If you’re invited and you’re tired/sick/lazy/PMSing/etc and don’t want to go…why should he have to cancel plans for that? (“You” here means general “you” By The Way.) Insisting on doing things with another woman one-on-one when you are free and available to be involved would be an issue even for me, and I’m quite liberal on opposite-sex friendships.

Post # 20
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Lh6:  I don’t know the answer but me and my fiancé have a generic rule for everything. Could you do ____ in front of the other one? If you are completely comfortable doing whatever it is (activity, text, email etc…) knowing the other wouldn’t have any issue watching it happen then its prob ok. 

I just had an old “friend” text me tonight- random wierd but if fiancé read it – it’s cool and on the up and up. I cannot control who texts my phone but can control the conversation and my responses.

Post # 20
Member
24 posts
Newbee

Perhaps I will sound old school but I do not believe in opposite-sex friendships at all. In my opinion, and based on logic, men will not lose their time developping close relationships with women if they do not have at least a slight attraction towards them, same goes for women, and I don’t see those ”friendships” really going far. Someone will eventually own up to the feelings they have for the other person, and it will end up ruining the so called ”friendship”. Also, if me and my man were to have opposite sex friends, which wouldn’t happen, they would more likely to be acquaintances: people we see all together as a group of friends, not just one on one. I would never in a million years let my man go out for dinner with another woman, even if he claims she is his ”friend”, and ESPECIALLY because you say your man has a history with that woman. It’s good that you’re trying to be ‘laid back’ and ‘chill’, but don’t confuse ‘relaxed’ with ‘naive’. This situation would make me very uncomfortable. To answer your question, you are right to believe in boundaries and you should put even more of them. Your guy going out for dinner with someone else ? That’s crazy. 

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