Post # 1
My fiance broke up with me. He’s 26, I’m 24 and we’ve been together for a year and a half, friends since we were young teenagers. I blame myself for the way I handle conflict and how that completely goes against the way he does. I disrespected him, I embarrassed him, I hurt his ego. I tried to walk away from him while he was walking me to the taxi stand near his house but it ended up in a big public blow out all his neighbours could see and he walked away from me forever. He blocked me on all social media for a day, then unblocked me. He took half of the money of the joint account we opened for wedding expenses. He hasn’t called or messaged and neither have I since he yelled the words WE ARE DONE.
This is my worst nightmare. I exasperated the man I love till the point that he decided life was better without me. Till he gave up. I’ve lost him forever and I dont know if apologizing would even make a difference or make him hate me more. I will though but when I can peel myself out of bed. I recently lost my mother in death and this loss has just hit harder than any other break up because it feels compounded. I want my friend back but I guess he would probably say I would never change I would always be this nasty girl that yelled at him in the street. I loved him and I hate myself for what I did. I…I just hate me. Does he?
I dont want to apologize to get him back. He’s gone, that’s hopeless. I don’t want to do it to clear my conscience either, that’s selfish. I want to do it because how can I pray to God and reconcile myself to him and not do what he says is the right thing? I dont know what to do. Would apologizing now push him away further? It’s been three days no contact on either way in any form or fashion. How i acted wasn’t like me, it was ludicrous behaviour and I dont want to disrespect his decision to leave. I feel damned if I do damned if I dont. On one hand he may think that I think I’m right and that conduct was acceptable on my part and hate me more each day, on the other he may think my apology if offered is me manipulating him into coming back. I’m guilty, i’m ashamed and I feel hopeless. He help me deal with alot of grief during my mother’s illness and passing, when his family was having financial trouble I was ther, I supported him through art school, he supported me getting my diploma. And now it’s just all gone. Gone. I just didn’t think that this bad outweighed all the good. The arguments we can count on one hand vs the many ways we are compatible and showed love. But apparently he does.
And that’s my cross to bear.
This topic was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by mrsthomas2017.
This topic was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Mrs. Mouse.
Post # 2
Should you be yelling at a loved one in the street – no probably not. Is this the worst thing that could ever happen and is worth ending an engagement over – No, of course not.
Can I ask how old you both are as this seems like a pretty extreame reaction to one little tiff, it sounds like maybe neither of you are mature enough to be getting married in the first place. Maybe him walking away has done you a favour (even though it doesn’t feel like it right now).
Also, I am so very, very sorry to hear you lost your mother. x
Edited to add: Hating yourself is going to get you nowhere. Please love and respect yourself, it is the only way you can move forward.
Post # 3
If it were me I’d give it a few days until emotions aren’t so high and then reach out and see if he will meet you for coffee or something. Then just apologize sincerely, tell him you love him, and that you don’t want things to end but understand his decision. Then regardless of the outcome move forward. Forgive yourself and move on. If I were your fiancé I would want to know that you were sorry. It would mean something to me, and I think it will give you closure. Also, it may be beneficial to seek some counseling to address your loss and conflict style.
Post # 4
Dealing with your own bad temper is hard. I know, because I have bad temper and I can also yell at my SO, later regretting it. You have to try and improve yourself, there’s no other way. Until you actually realise that words HURT and you can never take them back, you won’t change. Your temper affected your relationship and possibly ended it, how does that make you feel?
I wouldn’t talk such hopeless nonsence though as in the post. Admitting your fault for real is what you need first. Now all you do is you feel self pitty. You really hurt him and disrespected him for fuck’s sake… If you really loved him, you would make yourself and him a promise to try and improve your way of dealing with conflict, apologise and try to get him back. You were the wrong one here, and the fact that he doesn’t call you or text to beg for you to apologise, doesn’t mean it’s over or he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. He just has some self respect and he doesn’t want to tolerate your behaviour like that. How would he?.. You not contacting him hurts him even more. I bet he’s really really hurting right now that you are just fine with him leaving. It just shows how stubborn you are and can’t even move a finger to fight for him after your mistake. Suck it up and go do something about your “worst nightmare”…
Post # 5
What in the world could you have been possibly yelling for him to end an engagement? Judging from the piece of information you’ve provided the fault isn’t just with you. You’ve just lost your mother, you’re clearly not in the best state mentally and if that one argument is what caused the end of your relationship, I would wonder why? Losing someone is hard and causes people to act erratically. You need to get yourself into grief counseling to help with the loss of your mother.
Also, you should apologize to him and explain that you love him but don’t expect to get back together. Otherwise, you need to forgive yourself. This isn’t 100% your fault. If he left you because of one tiff…maybe he’s not mature enough to get married.
Post # 6
I understand that this is an older post but you deleted the one I was going to comment on before I actually could. Honestly, I think you need to get off of WeddingBee and work on your relationship. You make posts (then delete them when you can’t handle the truth), argue with bees who are trying to open your eyes, and refuse any real advice that is thrown in your direction. What are you hoping to gain here? Validation? You’re not going to get that here. You’re going to get honest, third party, feedback that is apparently too hard to hear. If you can’t handle us bees giving you our honest opinions, leave the page and do something productive. You don’t want to leave him? Fine, don’t. That is your decision and you are the one who will have to live with it, but hanging around here looking for attention isn’t improving your relationship whatsoever.
Post # 7
Wait, was this post before or after she basically told a poster she’s never leaving him? lol
Post # 8
Is this the same OP that was giving Fiance silent treatment and then was pissed when Fiance did the same to her instead of trying to have her open up? Wasn’t she suppose to apologize to his family or something?
Post # 9
[content moderated for baiting]
Post # 10
Why do you keep making threads about this when you’re not willing to listen to the advice you’ve already been given?
Post # 11
Original post reads like a melodramatic personal journal entry.
Venting is acceptable in this forum, but it should be self-classified as such if there’s no true intention to read, let alone heed, advice given.
Post # 12
Hate is a strong word. It does sound like the relationship has run it’s course. Take from it what you can and learn your lesson.
Post # 13
This post was before lol. I went to comment on the other but it has been closed.
Yes! This is her. Apparently she did not get the answers she was looking for on the other post and the post was closed.
Post # 14
I say this from a place of kindness:
You don’t need to fix this relationship or pray for reconciliation. You need therapy. A lot of it. Once you deal with your own baggage and learn how to communicate respectfully and effectively, THEN you can think about yoking someone else into your life.