Post # 16
Unless he or you know a lot of jewellery experts, honestly rarely would people actually correctly estimate the cost / value of engagement rings they see, if they even care to guess that is. So I’m afraid his dropping big money on a ring that he perceives as more valuable might be pointless.
I’ve got a rather big gemstone ring with diamonds on the side, people gush over it all the time and plenty of people have commented on how expensive it must have been, when in reality, it’s half the price of a moderate sized diamond ring.
So to answer your question, he doesn’t have to like the ring but maybe just sell it to him about the money spent doesn’t equal perception.
Post # 17
I know this comment will not be well received, but I often read these threads and despair that women are still waiting for men to ask them to marry, expecting the man to pay for the ring on his own, thus having to consider the ring “a gift”….therefore meaning they have to hope that the poor guy will be able to afford and will like the same ring they do.
How does this make sense? Are you not going to be sharing your finances? Many of you are already living with your partners, sometimes you even have children…and still you are waiting for him to decide he’s ready to marry you, and he gets to pick the ring that YOU WILL BE WEARING??
It would be great if he likes the ring too, but it should be a shared thing, just like the rest of your life will (presumably) be.
Again, I know this won’t be popular, but it’s a mystery to me that women still live like this in 2019.
Post # 18
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I think everyone should pick their own rings within an agreed upon budget. You should love yours and he should love his.
Post # 19
I am definitely in the camp that the person wearing it should love it, but I also think that it’s a large and important purchase for the buyer and they should also be proud of it.
there are so many rings/designs/stones out there that you should be able to find a perfect compromise to make everyone happy.
Post # 20
You should love it. But he needs to be PROUD of it. A Male co worker of mine saw my ring after my fiance proposed and said, “Wow. I would be so proud of myself if i could get my girl a ring like that some day.”
It’s a symbol of love. Yes. But for him, he has worked hard to save the money to be able to afford to buy a ring. In his eyes, he would be proud to spend thousands of dollars on you. I think if you approach the conversation that way then you guys can meet in the middle.
Post # 21
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
An engagement ring is a gift that should reflect the recipients needs and wants. If she was buying him an engagement car, would she buy him a flashy new car because it makes her look
good or the one he wants… a cheaper vintage one that need work? Of course not, because a gift (even an expensive one) is about the recipient.
Post # 23
I asked my husband because I was curious about the guy’s perspective. He is on your side. It’s a ring purchased to make you happy and to show how well your guy knows you and how much he cares about you. He has to find a way to be happy with and proud of the kind of ring that makes you light up.
Post # 24
TheSanguineRose : what about colored diamonds? Have you looked at LeVian rings?
Post # 25
If it has to be that either you love it or he does, I think the emphasis should be on you loving the ring. I don’t think you should go with a ring that he hates (only because that doesn’t seem like a good tone to be doing anything related to your commitment to one another). My husband and I both had veto power so if there was anything that the other absolutely did not like, we could just veto and move on. But if he has his ego tied up in your ring (worrying about what others will say more than what YOU are saying) then you definitely shouldn’t cave on this.
My SO has very different taste from me and we ended up with a ring that primarily suited my own taste and lifestyle (as the person wearing it every day). We could have gone back and forth with power struggling over it and if I’d caved and gotten something he preferred, we’d be 4+ years on and he wouldn’t even care about the ring all that much (been there, done that, moved on) and I, as the person wearing it, would be displeased and probably wouldn’t wear it every day. I’d just wear my wedding band. I think it’s wiser for you to push for something you really love. My husband has heard me tell him over and over in the last several years how much I love my ring- I don’t think he would have preferred the other way around.
I would ask him what, specifically, he is concerned about other people saying/thinking? Is it about size? value? non traditional or unique design? something else. It could be a lot of fun to find a ring that suits his desire for something that clearly says “engagement ring” as well as your desire for something that also says “on a wearer who is unique and non-traditional and has her own fun and fabulous style.”
Post # 26
TheSanguineRose : Sadly I was in the same boat. I wanted a gem stone but my husband thought it would look as if he couldn’t afford a diamond. Up until our engagement, I never thought men cared about what the ring looked like. I ended up caving and got a Halo ring (rather than the blue topaz ring I really wanted) because it mattered a lot to my husband.
Post # 27
nykkee : I actually have! I love a lot of what they make but I’m just sort of meh about the brown diamonds. It’s probably partly because I’m a big fan of smoky quartz and in my mind I think, “Why not just get that? It looks similar and is cheaper.”
Ultimately I did have another talk with him and I asked him to tell me what he likes and dislikes about rings I show him so I can find more of a compromise ring. I even had him design one on Brilliant Earth to see what his taste is and I actually liked the setting he picked a lot, so there’s always the possibility of using a gemstone in that setting. I absolutely want him to be proud of it and he’s come to see my side a bit more so I’m confident we’ll be able to come up with a nice compromise. Your advice has really helped me feel a lot less crazy, so thank you!
Post # 28
TheSanguineRose : to me the point in a brown diamond over a smokey quartz , or any color of diamond over a different gemstone would be the durability, but it would also be the ideal compromise, he gets to know/say he bought you a diamond ring and you get the color you want. You’re welcome, you’re not crazy, lol.