Post # 1
Hi everyone, I am in a strange situation and looking for some advice..
I’m in a serious relationship.. 5 and a half years now. We moved in together last year and things are going well. The usually small disagreements that everyone has but nothing major. My boyfriend is few years older than me so he alredy has a job. I am still in university and only work part time. As I work in the hospital I do long 12 hours shifts.. And sometimes sleepovers. Sometimes he would say something like we never have fun because I’m always studying or working. But never complained of anything else. In the past two months I noticed something new. One day I was using his phone to make a call.. When I hang up his browser was still open. I know I probably shouldn’t have looked but I did.. And checking his browser history I learned that he was checking local escorts website and watching porn. The porn part doesn’t concern me.. I guess a lot of men do it. But I was intrigued about the escorts, we live in a small town and everyone knows everyone.. Few weeks after I confronted him because everytime I was at work he would look at those websites (I didn’t see any calls made to them or texts..). He was angry and embarrassed I guess complained I’m looking though his phone and said he was just looking at them that’s it. Up to date he still does that.. And it’s bothering me.. I feel paranoid always checking now.. What should I do ???!!
Post # 2
I don’t think it’s normal to look at escorts. Porn is one thing, looking at escorts implies he’s at least looking for someone to cheat with, whether he has yet or not. I think if he’s doing this now, it’s only going to get worse unless he is willing to own up to the problem and commit to fixing it. Even then, it’s iffy.
Personally, I would never stay in a situation like this, but if you both really love each other and he wants to change, I think couples therapy is a must. It seems like he’s struggling with your work schedule and stuff, so maybe talking it out with a therapist may help you guys get to a better place.
Post # 3
Looking at porn is pretty normal, but escorts?! That’s deeply troubling. Nobody consistently “just looks”. The problematic part is that he’s repeatedly “just looking” and continues to do so even after you confronted him. That’s an enormous red flag and I wouldn’t be okay continuing such a relationship unless he (a) gave me a real answer as to what’s going on, and (b) agreed to couples therapy.
Maybe you coud do some more digging? See what else you can find. It’s not sneaky, it’s totally justified.
Post # 4
Porn is fine. Escorts? LOL… Fuck no.
Post # 5
Porn is fine, escorts- NO. Even looking at the wesbite is a hard no for me.
You say everyone knows everyone in your town, so he’s seeking out escorts in order to not have his cheating get out and get back to you? Maybe you haven’t seen any evidence that he’s reached out to these escorts, but he could have deleted it… or he’s working up the courage to actually contact them. What other reason would someone casually browse an escort site?
Post # 6
In my experience – this relationship may not work out – unless you discuss with him what his / your sexual needs are and figure out what can be done differently. At least the topic is already on the table. Figure out what the two of you can do to improve your sexual compatibility.
Post # 7
Sorry to break it to you but he could always use another phone to call the escorts to avoid the number coming up on his phone bill. One of my friends used to be one when she was single in college trying to pay her way on her own , She told me married guys would be the top customers It Is unfortunate and I’m sorry that you are going through this but the chances are pretty high that he already inquired without you knowing about it.
Post # 8
This is f*cked up. It’s not like you’re out partying and being irresponsible, you’re actually studying and working hard for a better future. Your bf is a untrustworthy cheating asshole by blaming you for being a hardworking responsible person. It is NOT your job to entertain your bf so that he doesn’t feel “bored” alone at night when you have to work. This guy is not someone you can build a future with. I guarantee you will continue to find that his cheating will escalate over time (if he hasn’t already yet) and he will get sneakier and smarter about hiding it from you.
Post # 9
Get std testing asap. Who knows who he’s meeting up with when you’re doing a “sleepover” shift. Like a PP said, he’s probably using a different phone to call or deleting his texts and calls to the escorts. I wouldn’t trust him at all if I found out he was checking out escorts. Get tested asap, and consider ending this relationship.
Post # 10
I think it is time to leave. This is fucked up. I wouldn’t believe anything he said anymore.
Post # 11
Leave and get an STD test. He’s probably cheating with escorts and definitely lying to you.
Also, he’s an asshole. Even if he wasn’t cheating, he still sounds like a jerk.
Post # 12
I wanted to point out that he doesn’t nesscarily need to be using a burner phone–he could just be downloading and deleting messaging apps.
Think Whatsapp, TextNow, or Kik.
The fact that he’s complaining about you being away from work makes me think he’s just a few degrees away from cheating and blaming you for it.
Post # 13
No one looks up hookers “just for fun”.
I mean, have you ever been on the toilet and thought to yourself “Hey! I should see what kind of escort services we have in the area.”
Post # 14
Leave him & get an STD test as soon as possible – this guy sounds like an absolute jerk & I definitely wouldn’t trust him if i found out he was messaging escorts.
So like i said definitely get tested immediately…it’s better to be safe than sorry!
Post # 15
As the saying goes, “Once is an accident. Twice is a Coincidence. Three times is a Habit.”
If you caught him looking at escorts multiple times, then he is either pursuing their services or incorporating their ads into some elaborate cheater masturbation fantasy, which I honestly wouldn’t be personally cool with either (call me a prude or a kinkshamer, but I’m not a fan of recurrent fantasies based on realistic cheating scenarios, e.g. with a local prostitute or a friend or a coworker etc).
Combining that with his defensiveness and continued visits to the sites, it doesn’t sound too promising that you will be able to trust him again, even if he’s not doing anything beyond visiting the sites. And if you don’t trust him, you will keep feeling the need to look through his phone, which will just eat away at you and the relationship.