Does he put his family before you? Is that okay? (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Does he understand that YOU become his family?  I dont understand why he would even get married then.  He should feel free to marry his mom or sister.  

I have no advice for you but i can vent to the heavens with you!  That is a NASTY thing for him to say.  He’d better have said in the heat of the moment and not really mean it.  I dont even know what I would do :  (((HUGS)))

Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You know how I feel from the other thread. I have left men for less than this 🙁

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Sorry, but this would be a deal breaker for me. YOU are his family, and once you get married, YOUR FAMILY comes first.  I am so blessed that this was never ever an issue with us and our families, but if it were, I woudln’t have married him.

Post # 6
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, just wow. There is no way I’d be even remotely ok with that attitude.  Maybe he said that in anger…but even so…that’s no excuse.

No, just no.  Is that really what you want?  To always be second?  You deserve someone who will put you first (as you will put him first).

Post # 7
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m not advising you to do this, I am just telling you what I would do if my husband ever said that to me. I’d leave. I agree that I am his family now, the one that he should back first.

That said, there is something that I know sort of comes before me, but I don’t think my husband realizes it or does it intentionally. He is in line to take over the family ranch, which will make us beau-coup bucks, so he is very concerned about doing right by his job. Sometimes I get the shaft, but I bring it up, and he works hard to try and make me happy, so I don’t nag him about it. It isn’t an intentional slight. But if he said, ” -blank- comes first,” I’d be over it. No, I come first until there are children, and then we share priority, just like he comes first in my life.

Post # 8
Member
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Whaaaaaa? To answer the title of your post “No and NOOO”. I would try and have a conversation when things aren’t heated and see if he really feels that way but if he does that is a ginormous red flag.

Post # 9
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

This is definitely a deal breaker for me. Get married means you’re creating a new nuclear family. You HAVE to be his top priority. No matter what. 

Post # 10
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I just wrote a post on a tpoic similiar ro this. My Fiance is always on the phone with his mother (about three times a day), and jumps to his families every need. On the other hand, I get tough love!! I understand your frustrations and wish you luck. I plan on addressing this topic with my Fiance this weekend.

Post # 11
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hon, if this has been goin going on for 5.5 years, then get ready for 30 more years if you marry him.

I am really actually very upset for you. If his family hates you so much and they come first in his life, don’t even give him a chance to see you leave. Leave while he’s at work. You deserve better!!

Post # 12
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I guess I would have to ask how he puts his family before you. ALL the time?

For my husband and I we are definitely each others #1 priority. But sometimes life takes you in directions in which family HAS to come first. But even with that it was a mutual decision that we made together. If that makes any sense.

If he really puts his family before you all the time and especially on the important things then I think a serious discussion needs to be had.

Post # 13
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

NO and NO. There’s been times (rarely) that he has, but the closer we get to being married the more he puts me first.. because he realizes that WE’RE a team and a family unit in itself.

Post # 14
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Uhm….not okay.  And it’ll only continue (and get worse) if you do get married.

Post # 15
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

And when you threatened to call off the wedding he said “we’ll  take it one step at a time” instead of “no! I love you!”???

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