(Closed) Does he really love me?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think maybe it’s time for you to leave him and move on. He keeps hurting you and is unrepentant, thinks you’re the problem, etc. As much as it hurts (I’ve been in this situation myself), it seems like the relationship is just not a priority to him anymore. 🙁 Big hugs…stay strong.

Post # 4
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think you know the answer to this already…. seeing that you titled this post the way you did…

Post # 5
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh love. It seems like he in one way, took it as a fresh start for ye, after the break up, and while he was calling & texting you a lot while on his own, maybe he didn’t realise you’d need the texts, rather than enjoy them? If you know what I mean? Like he got you into the habit of hearing from him all the time, but he didn’t realise it was a requirement?

TBH if Fiance goes out without me, which is rare enough, really, I never contact him after – I wait for him to contact me. His sis haunts her fella when he goes out, and I wouldn’t want to be the girl they’re rolling their eyes about!

I just dunno if you can rebuild your trust in this guy. It seems to be very fragile.

Take care.

Post # 6
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think I dated this guy once…or his twin.

A guy friend of mine pointed out that this boyfriend just wanted a “girlfriend in a box.”  A what?  A girlfriend who is just sitting (figuratively, of course!) in a box on a shelf in a guy’s closet that he gets out when he needs a date for something, when he feels like spending time with her, or when he has no “better” plans.  The rest of the time, he puts her back in her “box” on your closet shelf.  And if she objects?  It’s her fault,  It’s all in her head.  She is too demanding.

Yeah…it’s an awful feeling.  I finally decided I was tired of being kept in that box on his closet shelf, only being taken out when it was convenient for HIM.

The happy ending?  I ended up marrying the guy friend who pointed this out to me. 🙂  You can bet he never treats me like that.

You are worth more than this.  You need to be a priority to him.  You do need to let him know that you don’t feel like you are.  If he can show you (with his actions, not just by words, then all is good.  If not, and your really aren’t a priority to him..do you really want to be with him?

Post # 7
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I have been in a long distance relationship with my fiance for several years (throughout college), and I never felt that way :/…just letting you know my take on it. However, I have seen girls feel the way you do, while being in a LDR, and it did not work. It aggravates the guy that he is feeling “nagged” and it is hurting the girl (you, in this case) that he is not available more often to talk. Is your heartache worth it? That is all you need to ask yourself.

Post # 9
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

When drinking comes before girlfriends, it is the worst feeling. On top of that you’re in a LDR, so it’s even worse. It’s only been one week at school and this is already happening. I think you may be in line for it to happen even more once he gets even more carried away with his drinking buddies. Be careful. Give it a few weeks to see if this is a one off thing or if it is a permanent change in him. If it doesn’t get any better, it never will.

Post # 10
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You shouldn’t ever have to wonder if someone you are with loves you. Time to move on!

Post # 11
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

If you have to ask someone else if he loves you then its probably not enough.

Post # 12
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m going to disagree with everyone just a little bit. Let me start by saying I totally understand exactly where you’re coming from. I’ve been there, done that, and I think I might have the t-shirt to prove it. I feel for you. Seriously.

But! There’s always a catch, right? You do need to cut this guy a little bit of a break. Yes, when he was super lonely he was talking to you constantly. But wouldn’t you rather him have a bit of a life than just sit around all day pining for you? I mean, think about it in that direction for a moment. Would you rather have him be miserable and lonely and get to talk to him all the time, or would you rather have him be happy and talk to him slightly less?

This next thing I say, I say with love. And with the admission that I was the same way. So it’s not a judgement on you at all. You’re being a bit clingy. He needs to have a life where he is and the two of you need to find a healthy balance between your own lives that you’re living right now and the relationship you are having together. That is easily said and not easily done. And I apologize because I know it’s not simple advice. But it’s honest advice.

And here’s what I would do (and finally did do, in the end) in your situation. Stop texting. Stop calling. Stop trying to get in touch with him. And I mean everywhere. No texts, no voicemails, no calls, no facebook messages, no email…. NADA. Just sit back and wait for him to miss you. Let him see what it is that he’s missing. Let him appreciate what you mean to him by making him feel it. If you don’t give him the space to miss you and see where you fit in his life, then this relationship is heading for splitsville for sure. Make him miss you. And if he doesn’t? Then you were right, move on. But if he does? Then you know that what you need to do is find the healthy balance between contact all the time and contact never at all.

Edited to add this little PS. In my case? The above advice worked. When I disappeared he missed all the texts and phone calls and we were able to work things out.

Post # 13
Member
8117 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

To add to what MsBrooklyn A posted, if you have to ask total strangers on a message board if he really loves you, I think you’ve got your answer.

Post # 14
Member
8117 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

The more I think about it, the more I think the OP may be asking the wrong question.  What does it matter if he loves her or not?  She clearly doesn’t feel loved & isn’t that what really matters?

Post # 16
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@mc77: In response to your most recent post, no, I do not think it’s normal to ever not feel loved by your SO. Maybe that’s just me. Sure, you may feel underappreciated, but never un-loved. I really hope you find the answers you’re looking for and everything works out for the best!

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