Does he still want to get married?

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I just can’t see this as a relationship that’s ready to progress to marriage.

Time to move on and find someone you can see a bit more often.

Post # 17
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I say you stand your ground here. Tell him it is as we planned or it is over. Talk to him in person about this. Be firm but don’t be angry about it when you discuss. Something along the lines of, ” I want to be with a man who is a man of his word. You gave me your word that September worked and that you had spoken to your parents and they were on board. You gave me your word about the apartment and we put deposits down on the wedding.” We get married as planned and move forward with out lives and our plans or i am done completely. If you don’t want to marry me you need to speak up now. But I deserve to be with someone who wouldn’t lead me on and let me make these types of plans and then go back on his word. I can’t be with you if you cancel because I can’t be with a man whose word means nothing.” 

 

Trust me men are very attached to the idea of their word is their bond stuff. It is part of their identity, how they see themselves in the world. You telling him that you simply expect that when he tells you he will follow through that he then follows through is important to you. He is either in and needs to deal with his parents, or you are OUT 100%. If you let him extend the wedding to another time he will just do the same thing. If you let him get away with this behavior it won’t matter if you end it bc he will end it eventually bc he will have ZERO respect for a woman who lets someone treat her like that. 

You got this! 

Post # 18
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sorry you are going through this bee. i would be very upset he lied to me ide start to doubt my relationship espcially if he took time off to go to the wedding and honeymoon. 

either hes is with it or he is not. its good to know now you dont want marry a manboy

Post # 19
Member
6657 posts
Bee Keeper

Why does a 30 year old man need his parents’ permission to marry? 

Why does he think it’s okay to string you along and then want to postpone on such short notice after plans have been set and money has been spent?

Why do you want to marry someone who would put you in this position? 

You have a wedding date right around the corner and he’s already told you that he doesn’t want to keep it, ie he does not want to get married. Why do you need to ask us when you already have the answer from him? 

Post # 20
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

Why do his parents think he’s not ready, but also more importantly, why does that matter? 

It’s his life, he should be able to make his own choices.

Post # 21
Member
24 posts
Newbee

So sorry you are in this situation bee! Obviously you would never want to get married in this type of situation where he clearly isn’t 100% in. With that being said, how stuck are you? Can you reasonably cancel what you currently have already booked? If so I would encourage you to do so. I can totally understand how embarrassing this may be for you but it will be worse the longer you wait. Also those that love you will understand and hopefully be mindful regarding your situation. 

Now in regards to your SO. No one here can make assumptions on this guy. But what he did was not ok, if I was you the only way I would be on board is a situation where an open conversation was had between both of you and his parents. Because this isn’t going to change overnight and you need to know where you stand. Maybe moving in together would be in the best interest for your relationship if you decide this is something you want to continue to pursue. Doesn’t sound like from your post you are ready to leave this man which is fine, but just know your worth! Hope it all works out for you! 

Post # 22
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Wait, so you only see each other 6 times a year? How do you even know you want to marry this guy? You are living completely separate lives. One that he, obviously, is not ready to give up.

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