(Closed) Does his prior divorce scare you?

posted 9 years ago in Encore
Post # 17
Hostess
11050 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@SoontobeMrsA: Doesn’t scare me in the slightest. I know how we both feel about each other. 😉

Post # 18
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It actually really doesn’t. People who go through divorces are usually pretty eager to NEVER go through one again, because they suck. I imagine most people who remarry do so only when they’re in a relationship that they realize is healthier/more satisfying than the one that ended in divorce, and they’re sure this marriage won’t end up in another divorce. I’m with other posters who say that those they know on their 2nd marriages are often extremely happy- after going through the miserableness that is a bad marriage and a divorce, those people seem that much better at pinpointing what exactly will make them happy this time around and, using their lessons learned, really seem to nail it the next time. (Not true for all of course, but in my experience, most.)

Post # 19
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

HIS TWO divorces do not scare me.

MY TWO divorces do not scare him!

Post # 20
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I’m the one who has been divorced, and I know it doesn’t scare him and it doesn’t scare me either!  I know that this time, I’m getting married for all the right reasons.  Last time was of the “shotgun” variety lol 🙂  This time I’m so in LOVE.  And I want to devote my life to this man and our family and our future.  I think that we should all be open about the past, and then move on from it.  I love people who have faith in love, no matter how many times they may have failed.  Just keep learning from your mistakes and don’t let history repeat itself! 

Post # 21
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

My now DH was possibly the crappiest husband ever. I could tell you stories! Sometimes when we discuss his first marriage, I can’t even believe that he is the same person. DH and his ex have a son and they now get along very well, but even she has said that she “wished she got the John that I did” (yeah that was awkward)

Post # 22
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We’ve both been divorced and it doesn’t bother us one bit.  We both know the reasons why the divorces happened and we both have sons from previous marriages.  

There’s also the fact that his best friends think we’re perfect for each other and get concerned when anything comes up between us.  Not a “oh, no, not again” thing but rather an “awww, so sorry, but it’ll work out” type way.  They’re really supportive of us both, which I’m really lucky to have. 🙂

Post # 23
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m the one who has been divorced, and it doesn’t scare my fiance at all. He understands why my marriage fell apart, because he knew me when I was married. My ex was neglectful, verbally and emotionally abusive, cheated severallll times, and became an alcoholic after we got married. Not to mention got booted out of the Army and landed some jail time after I left him, related to things he did while I lived with him. My fiance and I did not have an affair, and we were acquaintances while I was married. I got to know him a lot better after I got my divorce, and he helped me through the process of grieving my failed marriage. So he knows I am perfectly capable of being a loving, committed wife, and I’m in it for the long haul :]

Just now, he knows I’ve grown a spine and won’t let myself be degraded the way I was before.

Post # 24
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ll be the voice of dissent and say that, yes, my fiance’s prior divorce scares me. This is my first marriage, but his second marriage. Many different factors play into feeling uncomfortable with his divorce, but the biggest one is the fear that if he made the “wrong” choice once before, what’s to say he’s not making the wrong choice again? I’m sure that’s not the healthiest perspective, but I try not to focus on it and I can say honestly that it doesn’t really affect our relationship in any substantive way. However, I do think I wouldn’t have that fear if my fiance had not been married once before.

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