(Closed) Does is get better with MIL after marriage or kids?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

No.

No.

Most times, yes.

Sorry, but marriage and kids don’t make it better.  most times, it makes it worse.  Best case scenario?  It stays the same.  If you’re REALLY REALLY lucky, it gets better, but I wouldn’t advise holding your breath unless she’s REALLY REALLY REAAAAALLLLY old school.

You and your FI/hubby need to discuss this together, then take it to her.  🙁 Sorry you gotta deal with this.

Post # 3
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

As far as I know it doesn’t change until she decides to stop acting so selfish.

I don’t have a very good relationship with my Mother-In-Law and she acts the same way as yours alot…. I’ve done all I know how and Darling Husband agrees… I just keep loving her regardless of how she acts and hopefully she’ll have a change of heart sooner as opposed to later.

sigh.. ((hugs))

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my mother is the Mother-In-Law from hell and i would say no, shes judgemental, abusive and passive agressive and no,  it doesnt get any better

for my family it started with my mom feeling slighted over my sisters husband behaviour at dinner one night and now its at the point that my mother hasnt spoken to her own daughter and grandsons for almost 10yrs

for me, i avoid speaking to my mom and my husband sees her once per year  and he is her fav son in law (which amuses my hubby no end)  – oh, she lives less than 10mins drive from all of us

Post # 5
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JaneDomani:

Learn Dutch. Then at least you’ll know what she’s saying about you.

Post # 6
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Elvis: <– I agree. It should be shocking the day that you respond in Dutch! Not rudely just a “yea… I know what you’re doing” kinda thing

I would LOVE to have an opportunity like this with the Mother-In-Law…. if she did what your does. lol

Post # 7
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My relationship with my in-laws got a lot better once we had a kid, but every situation is different.  Why does she say she hates you?

Post # 8
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I guess it depends on the woman?  FMIL HATED me!  When Fiance and I started dating, he was 22 and I was 25.  He’s also the youngest of 4 boys and was a bit of a Mamas boy.  Our first Thanksgiving together, Fiance and I did all of the cooking for his family, 2 other brothers didn’t help and the oldest showed up with his psycho ex just as we were almost finished.  His mother sung that psycho’s praises even after she went into my bag and stole my bank card and cash out of my wallet. (FMIL isn’t all there but that really hurt!) 

I’m not sure exactly what changed, but somewhere around the 3 year mark, I won her over. It could have been the way I treated Fiance, being supportive and still pushing him to get thru school. It could have been the time when he was away at school and I went by myself to visit her in the hospital. Maybe she just saw how much I loved her son.

Post # 9
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

So far, no…

Post # 12
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@JaneDomani: I have to say tha not learning the language is not the reasons above… if anything learn for your future children. You should encourage your husband to teach your kids (assuming you are having them) his language. It helps EVERYONE to know another language and to learn it young, even better.

If you know the basics, and I am not talking fluently, you can help your kids and not be left out when they do know the language.  And he bonus is to show your Mother-In-Law that you love your husband that much to learn his cultures and mother’s native language.

Post # 13
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I personally don’t think it’s gonna get better. Right now, I’ve decided to not give a shit. I try to treat people how I’d like to be treated by realize some people are just selfish bastards! My marriage is between me and my husband, screw the rest. I’m not going to let anyone ruin what we have, period. And I’m tired of trying. If someone doesn’t like you for imaginary reasons: 1) you can’t make them and 2) why would you choose to like them? <– My most recent lesson

What’s with these MILs that are used to all the attention and can’t help themselves but be ugly? They should make a reality TV show with them all and give prizes to the most judgmental, passive aggressive, and number one pretender! 

OP, I don’t blame you for not learning dutch. I’ve stopped over in Amsterdam enough … it’s not the prettiest language! 

Post # 14
Member
7586 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Honestly, for me it’s gotten worse. I have just decided to cut her out of my life and stop worrying about why she does what she does to me. It’s border line abusive. I’m done and over it. Darling Husband can continue whatever relationship he would like to have with her. I never stand in his way, I only ask that he not force me into any situations that make me uncomfortable and he has agreed.

Post # 15
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@Vitsippa I agree that you don’t have to like them, but they are your DH’s or FI’s mother so unless he agrees with you, he wants to have contact and a relationship with them. Therefore, it IS your job to be as pleasant as possible (within reason) to keep a managable relationship.

Of course that means you can bow out of parties, but you can’t refuse your SO to go.

And trying to convice someone how horrible their family is, if they dont agree, is not going to be good for your own relationship.

 

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