Post # 1
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
My mom is on my nerves and I just need to vent.
She can’t seem to take it seriously that we want to have a destination wedding. Fiance and I are planning on paying for all of it unless she wants to give some. Fiance has family issues, so its just going to be easier to have a destination wedding.
I feel like I can’t tell her anything about it.
When we were with family, my aunt asked me is we had a date and what we were thinking of doing. My mom says, “yeah… she wants to get married in Scotland… HA!”
Well, gee, mom…yeah I do, I have already contacted a planner and we’re narrowing down venues.
Tonight I asked her if she would like to see some of the venues we’re looking at… “no.”
I said, “um… why?”
“Because I’m not going” – supposedly “joking”.
Its just irritating… do you want to be involved in the wedding planning or not? Because this is what we’re doing and Fiance and I deserve more respect. When my Future Sister-In-Law is talking about her wedding plans its like “OH LET’S ALL SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT IT AND LISTEN.”
Even before, my mom asked me to bring up Future Sister-In-Law and my brother’s wedding to Future Sister-In-Law because Future Sister-In-Law was feeling like her friends weren’t excited enough.
My wedding is a few months after Future Sister-In-Law and brother’s.
Take your own advice, mother. I’m not going to keep waiting to make wedding plans.
Post # 3
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
Those mothers, I tell ya! I feel your frustration, my mother says she wants me to have the wedding I want, however with her guidelines! My Fiance and I are also the only ones paying so I feel it is really up to us. I keep telling her that what she wants and what I want is different but she says “mother knows best!” lol. I just let her think that and do my own thing on the side. I still want her to feel involved and her thoughts considered (even though sometimes that is REALLY tough). I think getting married is Scotland would be a total DREAM! How unforgettable!!! Think about it… its once in a life time. I say DO IT TO IT 🙂 Your mother will understand … may be not right away but she will get there once she understands how serious you are. I truly feel that you really have to zone in on what you and your Fiance wants to make this day special. Hope this helps, <3
Post # 4
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
Wow, I’m sorry that you have to go through this. That must be so horrible!
Maybe talk to your mum about this and tell her how hurtful she is being. Also, tell her that what your brother and Future Sister-In-Law want is what they want, and what you want is what you want, and that you are going through with the destination wedding because of that 
Post # 5
Member
8730 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Maybe through joking she is trying to tell you that she wont be able to afford the trip. People often use humour to express their true feelings/thoughts.
I would talk to her but at the end of the day you may need to decide what is more important to you- the wedding location or having your mum there.
Post # 6
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
@j_jaye: +1 I was thinking the same thing…
Post # 7
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
@LeosLady28:
@MissMfutureMrsB: Thanks both of you! Sometimes I guess moms can just be this way I guess…
@j_jaye: thanks for your input! I should’ve added in that it isn’t an issue… My parents both have good jobs and my dad makes a good bit… They definitely aren’t struggling financially at all. They just got a $30,000 sun room in that they had no trouble affording… Just to put it into perspective. If really felt that it was money I would change may mind, but my parents are more than able to afford it… Which makes it disappointing that my mom is acting how she is. Definitely a good thought though =/
Post # 8
Member
8730 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@YogaFaerie: Just because you think they can afford it doesn’t mean they want to afford it or if they really can afford. Parents keep a lot of things from their children, especially adult children.
Post # 9
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
@j_jaye: I know money is not the issue. If there is another one, she should tell me.
At first when I explained to her why we wanted a destination wedding (because of my FI’s family issues) my mom agreed that it was a good idea and said that she and my dad would not only pay for themselves to go but also my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law (FI’s sister).
And then she did a 180. Money isn’t the issue, though.
Post # 10
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
I would sit her down and tell her that it really hurts your feelings. A sister of mine does not mind being teased that way bi=ut I would be really upset. Hopefully she can see that you really want her support, not her half-assed humor.
Post # 11
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
Plain and simple sit her down and tell her matter-of-factly.
“I know you seem to think that my head is in the clouds and that the idea of ____ and I getting married in Scotland is laughable to you. However, I need you to understand that ____ and I are quite serious about this and whether you chose to mock it or not, we will be getting married in Scotland. So I need you to decide whether you are going to be actively interested in helping me plan and excited for what our wedding will be or are you going to spend the next upteen months yakking it up at our expense? I just need to know if I’m going to continue to have you involved in the planning process or not.”
Post # 12
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
@LovelyLaura: Yeah, I’m not sure how some people are able to handle that. When my mom is sincerely joking I don’t take it hard, but a lot of times when she is “joking” there is always hint of snark behind it. But I’m beginning to think that even if I wasn’t having a destination wedding that she wouldn’t really take it seriously…
@musicalrose: That’s really good. That was my immediate reaction to say “okay, well its your choice as to whether or not you want to be involved in the wedding planning” so what you said feels right. Its just hard for me to say things like that without the water works starting, haha. When I’m angry or upset or just have too much of a certain emotion its hard for me to not get all worked up..
