(Closed) Does it ever really happen when you are actively 'trying' and not 'relaxed'?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 16
14 posts
  • Wedding: May 2015

Took us 8 cycles and we were definitely not relaxed! By the end neither one of us even wanted to have sex on the days we needed to…but we sucked it up and once we started we did end up enjoying ourselves, but the process felt like a huge chore. 

I was using digital OPKs and even more stressed since I only got three positives in the entire eight months we were trying. I also ovulated way later than I expected (positive OPK on day 16 of a generally 25-26 day cycle on the month we got pregnant) so I was stressing, even as that baby was implanting, that my luteal phase wasn’t long enough for things to work. 

It’s definitely science and a little luck – but I don’t believe for a second relaxing gives you better odds. 

Post # 17
4028 posts
Honey bee

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Sunshine09 :  I think there’s a lot more to it and to boil it down to actively trying or relaxed just doesn’t explain it. For example, someone can be relaxed about TTC but fully aware of when they ovulate and have success. Someone can be relaxed but not a clue about their cycle and won’t get pregnant. Someone can also be actively trying, aware, but still relaxed about it and get pregnant. My point is, active is not really the opposite of relaxed. You can be low stress while actively trying and you can be highly stressed while doing nothing besides BDing, they’re just not mutually exclusive and the whole effort is not that simple. 

Personally, I did IUI twice to get pregnant. The first time I had a lot of hope and energy and stress added in and it failed. The second IUI came after a break from treatments and while I was working harder to take care of myself physically and mentally, and I got pregnant. Was it the IUI all on its own, or was my mental state part of the reason I was successful? Who the hell knows, but the point is, it all happens the way its going to happen and when people say to relax, I think its more of a way to say “chill out, it will happen eventually” which is a slap in the face to anyone who needs more assistance.

Post # 18
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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Sunshine09 :  We were definitely trying both times I got pregnant.

Post # 19
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

There was a bee on here a few months ago asking if it ever happened on the first try bc she was so anxious she didn’t think she could handle months of TTC. She was temping, using OPKs, not drinking alcohol or caffeine, the works. Everyone told her to chill or she’d be so stressed she’d delay ovulation a d get burn out etc. well she didn’t chill and she got pregnant her first cycle trying.

Post # 20
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

With my first we were actively trying and it was becoming a pretty stressful part of our relationship. We only tried for four months but my husband pretty much felt imasculated after I didn’t get pregnant the first month. I was temping, charting, using opks, in a couple threads here for ttc…

I am currently pregnant with my second and this was the total opposite. My husband and I weren’t trying but also not protecting against since we knew we would be trying again soon after and I didn’t want to go back on the pill for just a year. So the pregnancy was a bit of a surprise with no planning except knowing that it could happen. 

So, it works both ways! If you want to be very into the charting and all then great. If you want to take a break and just ‘relax’ then great. I was happy I charted because I did get an idea of when would be my average ovulation time each month. 

Post # 21
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Definitely actively trying. Temping, taking supplements, checking cervix and fluid. Got BFP on my first cycle. 

Post # 22
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We were actively trying, but I wasn’t charting, temping, or checking CM. I used OPK’s one month, but couldn’t get the hang of them. I got pregnant our 3rd month of trying. My baby is due in a week!! 

Post # 23
300 posts
Helper bee

I was trying very actively and obsessively straight from the beginning (ie. did everything to increase our chances (nutrients), opks etc) and it was all I was thinking about and it wasn’t ‘fun’. Nonetheless, i got pregnant twice on the first time so I don’t believe that it happens when you just relax. Whilst you may be less stressed then, it doesn’t even make sense from a medical point of view.

Post # 24
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

So it took us 2.5 years to get pregnant and I think I did every variation of relaxed vs trying. The first year was definitely active trying. The new we moved onto fertility treatments. After 3 failed IUIS we took a six month break before IVF. During this time I was totally relaxed, especially the first 3 months. We just had sex when we wanted to (which helped our sex life get back on track!) and I didn’t do OPK or chart. It took 2 rounds of IVF to get pregnant so obviously it had little to do with my state of mind. Like a PP said I hate the ‘just relax’ advice as it puts so much pressure and blame on.

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