- 6 years ago
This is probably a question no-one will ever have a “definite” answer to, but some thoughts would help…..
When women have “nagged” for a proposal or made an ultimatum, do men really mean it when they propose? And does the marriage ever work out?
I ask because I know that I have nagged, fought, given ultimatums and done all the things I shouldn’t do, and now I’m not sure if I can even say “yes” IF he ever asks me.
In my situation he asked me once when we had been together a few months, but I said “no” because it wasn’t a real proposal (he did it spur of the moment without a ring after an arguement). We both agreed that a proposal should be special. He went out and bought a ring within a few weeks of this (this was mid 2010).
We spoke about marriage and our future a few times over the next few months, and both agreed that this was “it”. All of these conversations were mutual, relaxed conversations (no pressure, just regular couple talk). By mid 2011 I was getting anxious. He had the ring for a year, but no proposal. I started to get very naggy, we had arguments and I have made an ultimatum.
He made several timelines, none of which came through. His final timeline was supposed to be this month, but I have found out he wants me to wait just “2 or 3 more months” because he has planned something “special”. The full story of the lead up to this is in my last thread.
He has said he loves me and that I need to be “patient”. I have said that I feel like he is making excuses and that if he loved as much as he says he does he would have done it by now.
His response is that he only gets to do this once and that he feels it needs to be just as special for him (I agree with that point). I told him I want to leave him, he begged me and said that he knows he has broken several timeline promises but that he has had reason. His reason being that he works in a niche industry in which he cannot take time off without approval, and that he has applied for approval several times and been knocked back each time, but that the person in charge of approval has promised him time around June/July.
This is the same thing he said last time, and he also said last time that he would make “new” plans if he couldn’t get time off this March. He has begged me though to let hom have one more chance so it can be just as special for him.
I just don’t know if I believe him though. I know he loves me and I think he wants to marry me (I mean he once proposed of his own accord before we had even discussed marriage and despite the fact that I had said no still went and bought a ring). What I don’t believe is how much he wants to marry me. If he wanted me so badly he would just do it wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t care about plans, he would just decide that he couldn’t wait a second longer and propose? Maybe I’m just too caught up in fairytale thinking, and that men just aren’t like this.
Also, with my nagging, does he even want to do it? I always believe boy meets girl and it’s a whirlwind and he surprises her after about a year of dating. Because my partner didn’t do that, I don’t know if he really loves me anymore (I love him more than anything, but I want someone who loves me so much they just “know” and they don’t make me wait for a proposal, they just do it).
I’m so confused right now.