(Closed) Does it ever really work out?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

All i can say is that I hope that it does work out… as i’ve been nugging my boyfriend towards marital bliss with me.

Post # 4
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it would be one thing if he was ambivalent, but hes asked you to wait and you’re not being a very nice person about it at all.  He told you that he wants to do something special and you tell him you want to leave him?  I think that’s an awful thing to do.

You can either be patient and wait for the proposal or you can leave him.  Those are your two options.  You have ZERO control over this situation.

Do you really think he does not love you anymore?  What has he done that has given you the impression that he does not love you anymore?

Post # 7
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

50% is awfully high …..
“/

Post # 8
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think sometimes A LITTLE nagging works, but this seems like too much to me. He knows you want to get engaged and that it’s important (you’ve talked/nagged a little) but then he didn’t follow through. Now, as you said, your nagging is weakening the relationship. I would say set a timeline for yourself and follow it this time. 

Post # 9
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I waited four and a half years for my ring and I’m sure I nagged a few times.  IMO an ultimatum is ridiculous. It’s like telling a child you’re going to spank them but the kid knows you’ll never follow through.  

Don’t you want your marriage to be something you are both ready for and not something you pushed him in to? If you’re both on the same page, it will happen naturally and will be special because its HIM, not because it happened on a particular timeline.

Dont tell the man you love that you want to leave him… Why would he have any reason to make a special proposal to someone who wants to leave? But, if you do truly want out, do it now before he places a ring representing the rest of your life on your finger. 

Post # 11
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@beccybaby:  For the record, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling your SO that you’re thinking about leaving, if that’s the case.  It is what it is.  That’s not being mean– that’s being honest.

While excessive nagging isn’t a particularly endearing trait, I honestly think your SO brought much of it on himself by purchasing a ring with you KNOWING about it, then hanging on to it for so long.  It’s not fair for him to keep making timelines and promises and not following through.  You’re far more patient than I am, because if it’s one thing I cant take, it’s someone who can’t follow through on their word.  

That being said, if I’d made it to where you are now, I’d probably give him this one last chance to follow through & then if nothing happened, I’d be on my way.  Things like this are indicative of future disappointment & broken promises.

Post # 12
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that some men get nervous, or scared. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with a little push. That being said, ultimatums are tricky. Are you threatening that if he doesn’t propose, you will leave. So you have no problem walking away at any point? That could scare him a bit. I was a little crazy and gave an ultimatum after a year of dating. It was Feb, and we had been together a year. I told him if in 4 months we were not engaged, I was leaving the relationship to find someone that wanted to share a life with me, and wanted all of the things that I want in life. We were engaged a month later. When I gave the ultimatum, he was resistant telling me that he couldnt afford a ring (He makes a hefty income) we weren’t dating a long enough time ( I said that we were together a year and we both being in our 30’s are old enough to know if this is what we wanted or not).  As soon as he proposed he was laughing the next day about how he was being silly about not wanting to get engaged.  A year later we are still engaged, and getting married in Oct. We are both laughing about what it took to get engaged. Some guys just need a little push. My guy is vey shy and has low self esteem. He thought that we would get engaged, and I would break the engagement before we got married. I wouldn’t be scared if I were you. It will work out fine, and as my fiance says now he wanted to propose, and no amount of nagging would have forced him. If he doesnt want to do it, he just won’t. It realy is up to you with how long you want to wait. I said 4 months and I meant it.  

Post # 13
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I did a load of nagging, for quite a few years…

we started dating when i was 16 and he didn’t propose until i was almost 26, las year. I know this is still young, but i just needed his commitment, i needed the ring and the planning and taking a step forward in our relationship.

all nagging ended in huge fights about me saying i didn’t know what i was doing wrong and why all of my friends were being proposed to after 2 years and how i noticed they felt sorry for me. He would go on about how his commitment was 100% and he was going to mary me, but needed it to be the “right time”. that time never seemed to come

In the end he proposed when he was ready. it was nothing big and it did take me moving away for a job offer, and going into a LDR again (we has been in one before) to make him realise he could lose me.

i’m not sorry about the nagging… i think it’s impossible not to when you feel you’re hurt. but i don’t think it helped either. He just did it when  it was his moment, when he realised it was what he really wanted, when he was ready.

i must tell you, the moment he proposed, all the hurt feelings dissapeared and suddenly i didn’t care anymore how long i had waited. i even felt like i didn’t need to mary him as long as i could be with him forever, knowing he wanted that.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

For the record, I don’t think there isn’t anything “not nice” about telling him where he stands. He deserves to know, and the last thing anyone wants to hear is “oh, I didn’t know what you were thinking” Men and women think very differently, we all need to be very clear in expectations and communication or everything is a complete disaster. I think you did the right thing.

Post # 15
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Great question. I nagged for a ring once. I mean NAGGED. We never got married. Now I’m 33 & my SO is 40 next week & after a year + of dating I’m fighting that nag urge pretty hard. I did tell him that at our age we should know. And if he doesn’t know then maybe that’s the answer. He says he does want to marry me but hates feeling like I will leave in 6 months if he doesn’t make a move. But at 33, I don’t have time to sit and wait for him to get over his commitment issues & that’s the truth. I want to settle down & have kids & am way past the long term dating thing. 

That said I don’t have an answer for you. I know when I nagged my ex for a ring I really regretted it. He constantly brought it up. I look back & feel dumb. I don’t think you’re bring a nag, tho. You are allowed to have expectations & want them to be met. I’d give him a final chance but if he fails, you know he’s not serious aboutfaking you happy. 

Post # 16
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I once had a major nag session at my boyfriend and I felt so bad about it afterwards. I ended up telling him that I didnt want a proposal when I had nagged him to do it. I wanted him to do it because he wanted to marry me! I think your guy is dragging his feet definately, but it does sound like he wants ot surprise you and do it right so maybe just say sorry for all the wedding talk and that you love him.

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