(Closed) Does it really take this long to get over being betrayed?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

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Sunfire :  “Hugs.  I’ve been there.  Somehow it hurts even more when you finally realize you were in love with someone who didn’t even really exist.”

Ditto. The pain of it not working out is compounded by the pain of having your memories tainted by this knowledge. 

Don’t be hard on yourself OP, in fact you need to be very good to yourself. Because not only did this POS break your heart & taint your memories, he damaged your self-esteem immensely by making you feel second-rate, settled for. But you’re not second-rate OP, you deserve so much better than that. And he conned you, leading a double life with callous disregard as to how cruelly unfair this was to you, and this has damaged your trust. This is a lot for any person to handle and there is no set time that you should be ‘over’ such a betrayal, all you can do is focus on self-care and rebuilding your life and perhaps returning to the therapist, even just a sympathetic ear can be beneficial. 

Now for some blunt talk regarding this POS: Yes, if there was any justice karma would have bitten a big juicy chunk right out of his ass for the way he treated you. But here he is, enjoying career and relationship success, seemingly without remorse. And I sympathize with how awful you must feel when you read or hear updates about his shiny happy new life. But please remember this is only a facade of a shiny happy life, they might seem like a happy successful couple, but that’s all this is, a flimsy superficial facade.

Because he’s ugly beneath that shiny happy surface- an ugly soul, a cold heart, a remorseless, selfish game player. So really, what kind of a prize has this girl won? If I discovered my partner had broken another girl’s heart to be with me, had planned and calculated to cheat with me, had strung her along with empty promises only to cruelly betray her…..well I would wonder what the fuck kind of person could do this and that would be a dealbreaker for me, even if I was the girl he chose. So this woman is either utterly unaware of this snake-in-the-grass’s true character or else, if she knew he was with you and cheating on you, knew the lies he was filling your head with, and went along with it and is now playing happy shiny couple with him, well then her character is pretty flawed and twisted too. Either way, there is no chance this is a fairy tale relationship, not even close. Nothing to envy here and someday you’ll think of a lifetime with this uber-douche as a bullet you dodged. And you’ll have moved on to a truly happy and genuine life, not just the facade they have. 

Post # 17
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I am so sorry. You are not alone, and there is nothing abnormal about your grieving process. I was married for 10 years to the love of my life. I wanted children, he didn’t, and I made the decision to forgoe having kids to be with him. I supported him while he was getting his career off the ground. In my late 30’s, he said he was no longer sexually attracted to me and wasn’t meant to be a married man. A year after our divorce, he was married to a younger woman and trying for kids. By then I was 39 and had gone through cancer in my early 30’s so my chances for children were far diminished. I am now with the real love of my life and we are we trying to get pregnant (I am 42). I’m so much happier with my life and my ex and I are cordial, but I don’t wish him happiness.

Your ex is cruel and used you while he was waiting around for someone else. When you see his successes, let it motivate you to live your life in the best possible way and build a wonderful future for yourself.

Post # 18
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My husband was cheated on by his ex wife and kicked out and had everything taken from him. (He literally only was able to take some clothes) He was heartbroken because he had a son and as soon as he left, the other man moved it. It’s a tough situation that nobody wants to go through. but this WILL only make you stronger. 2 and a half months later or so my husband and I met on through an online dating site, then on FB. We have now been together for almost 2 and a half years. & married for a year and 2 months. And although my husband says he wishes things would have been done differently for his sons sake, he is happy and would go through all of it again to be with me. My point to sharing this story is that their is hope of meeting your soul mate. You might not see it now but this is only going to make you a better person and stronger. It’s okay to be sad and hurt. You wanna cry? Go ahead. but once you are done wipe your tears and remind yourself that YOU ARE STRONG! You don’t need a partner to make you happy or feel loved. And when the time is right you will meet that right person who will love and treat you the way you deserve. Because sweety, YOU DESERVE ALL THE LOVE THIS WORLD HAS TO OFFER

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