(Closed) Does it seem like men move on faster than women after a breakup?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No I don’t think men move on faster necessarily.  After a break up, I’m typically over it and moved on after 2-3 weeks.  Sometimes I’ll hit the dating scene again to meet new people and other times I’m just content being single but not sitting around crying missing the person.  A break up signals it wasn’t the right relationships – why would I want to waste my time in the wrong relationship?  Time to get back on the horse and see what else is out there. Not saying you have to jump into a relationship right awaym but it’s nice to get out and meet new people and have some fun, good food and company with new people.  I’ve met some of my closest friends from dating (guys and girls through the guys I’ve gone on dates with that never led anywhere after a break up).

Post # 5
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

I feel your pain.  My ex started to date his new girl one week later. Obviously he had scoped her out before he was done with me.  I am guessing that there was cheating, and that was the catalyst to end things. I do not know her, but H A T E her, homewrecking whore. We have been broken up two months and like your ex, mine doesn’t seem to be hurting at all, whereas I feel like I am dying.  I have no idea how they can move on so quickly.  it makes me feel horrible and replaceable, like losing me made no differece at all.   Feel free to PM me anytime because Im sure we are going through the same things. 

Post # 6
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I’ve noticed the opposite, personally.

Men have real trouble getting over relationships, however, they may start dating or at least sleeping around, faster than women, thinking this will help them get over it. And it doesn’t. Women have to watch out not get a guy on the rebound, because if the rebound woman ends up really liking the man, she’s likely in for a world of hurt. Try as he might, his thoughts and feelings will constantly keep going back to his ex. Watch out when a guy in his rebound relationship gets drunk… this is a situation that is usually a disaster. He talks more, is more honest with himself, and may do things such as curl up under a table and cry (Oh yes, I’ve been the rebound woman, let me tell you, that’s an ugly sight under your coffee table right there), or of course the classic drunk text or drunk phone call.

Women’s approach is more slow-and-steady, commiserating with friends, Ben and Jerrys, and trashy TV, and like the turtle vs. the hare, they genuinely get over the relationship, heal, and move on, faster, in general. Often by the time they date again, they are really ready for that relationship and their ex is just a page in their autobiography in their heart by then.

Of course there are exceptions to this. Just a general trend I’ve noticed.

 

Post # 8
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This reminds me of a thread about a gal who’s boyfriend/fi/dh <can’t remember got teary eyed and wacky when he saw an ex from many years back.

In my experience, and not a generalization, it takes me longer to move on with my life.  My exes moved on quicker…but over the years and as we’ve stayed friend there’s this tinge of bitter and anger on their part.  Whereas I’m over it completely, can see the good the bad, and for me that painful time spent alone was important because it forced me to have to open my own window to let the light in…so to speak.  I had to want to be happy and to go get it…which takes strength. 

Post # 10
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Men are like the little boy in the home alone movie. He realizes his whole family left him behind and at first he has a field day! He watches bad movies and eats a big bowl full of ice cream, he raids his sister’s room and jumps on his bed, and then, a few days later, he reeeaaalllyyy starts missing mom and dad. 

In my experience, all boys are like this. Their internal “now I’m bored and miss her” mechanism has a different timeline. Most guys I’ve broken up with end up acting on that feeling, or I’ll run into them several years later and be like “I felt really bad for doing that and I was going to call you that summer but I felt like a jerk…”

So keeping that in mind, this is what I’d do: get my hair done, work out, get myself some new clothes, live up the single life and don’t expect him to come running back. If he sees you’re happy without him it’ll probably make him miss you.

Post # 11
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

I think if you really and truly love a person it’s harder to move on then if you just had someone else waiting in the wings.  TBH if you have someone waiting in the wings then you couldn’t really give a crap about the person you where with at the time.  In that sense I think women do typically hold out longer then men do since we tend to give relationships our all.  I’m sorry for the pain you are going through, I hope things turn out for the better for you.

Post # 12
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

man or woman, i think it may take longer for the person who didn’t make the breakup decision. 

obviously the person doing the breakup has thought about it and has mentally prepared for it.  the receiver often gets blindsided and it takes a while for the shock to sink in.  there is a whole grieving process that they need to go through to obtain acceptance before moving on.

Post # 13
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

@SnowInApril:  i will be alone on NYE as well.  We were going camping in OUR spot…now he is taking her.  It is really shitty. 

But let’s both look on the bright side, we both could have married the cheating-and-hiding-it scum.  

Post # 14
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are processing. He is avoiding it with an annoyingly younger girl. Grr! It doesn’t mean you meant nothing to him. I do think its easier in the short term if you have someone in the wings. I went straight from one relationship to another once and at first we were all over each other (not in front of mutual friends though! Ew!). But, the rebound relationship couldn’t survive. He knew I wasn’t ready and it hurt him a great deal. I also hurt my ex a lot too of course. All in all I felt like a selfish, confused, cruel person and it took my friends telling me I looked unhappy for me to end it. That’s not to say your ex has as much of a conscience or self awareness. πŸ™

of course you will miss him! Breakups suck! For most of us, there’s no way around that pain, guy or girl. Take good care of yourself.

Post # 15
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SnowInApril:  First of all, I’m glad you came back to the Bee! πŸ™‚  Secondly, I wouldn’t let it bother you in the slightest that he gave the new girl your Christmas gift because it only goes to show that he’s still cheap and he doesn’t have any more respect for her than he had for YOU.  If he really thought anything of this girl, he at least could have bought her a Christmas gift that he picked out for HER instead of just giving her this old gift he had lying around that he bought with someone else in mind.  Honestly, I would be highly insulted if my husband ever gave me anything that he bought for his ex.  I wouldn’t want anything that was supposed to be hers.  In short, your ex is going to treat this girl every bit as badly as he treated you.  He obviously hasn’t learned anything from his relationship with you and the fact that he just jumped into this new relationship with no time in between only goes to show how emotionally immature he is.  He’s showing off and he’s enjoying the excitement of this new relationship, but trust me, the novelty WILL wear off, and when it does, look out!

I’m so sorry for what you have to go through this Christmas, though.  I know the holidays are a horrible time to be single, but on the bride side of things, at least you can get a fresh start in the new year. πŸ™‚  Perhaps this year (when you are ready to move on, that is) you will meet the love of your life!

Post # 16
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bluehydrangeas: *hugs* I’m glad to see you back as well and a lot of what I said to the OP also applies to you. πŸ™‚  Merry Christmas to you both (and all the other bees) and feel free to PM me any time you need a friend.

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