(Closed) Does it seem like some couples hate each other?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I would say my Fiance and I are somewhere in the middle.

We would never argue in public or do anything to make anyone uncomfortable. But our friends tell us all the time; we are WEIRD. The reason for this is that we were friends(/bandmates) first and boyfriend-girlfriend second. Our relationship was based on aggressive playful behavior, teasing each other for our faults, etc. We were basically like two dude friends that fell in love and liked it that way. We aren’t romantic, but we love each other deeply to an emotional level where we feel we are always honest. We KNOW each other, our true selves. I know what chicks he thinks are hot and he knows when I wax my upper lip. We aren’t normal, and I couldn’t have it any other way.

I plan to say this in my vows; “We aren’t perfect, this relationship isn’t perfect. But I’d rather be real with you, than fairytale with anyone else.”

It’s really a hard thing to explain, but I hope I kind of got my point across 🙂 I am not sure we are exactly like what you’re talking about, but maybe a little.

Post # 32
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I think it’s just about the couple’s perceptions. We all know people who are crazily blunt and often offend people, but it’s just that they don’t have the filter that the rest of us do, and maybe a higher level of tolerance for accepting that kind of talk. Maybe they even prefer some amount of sarcasm. I don’t think it necessarily means that they love any less, or have more dysfunctional relationships.

Unless they’re being abusive. That’s obviously a different case.

 

Post # 33
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

This reminds me of an old couple that had been married for over 60 years and the woman talked to and treated the man really bad. He was smiling the whole time and would crack jokes and she would be cussing him out. She even said she cant wait for him to die lol  It was very awkward to watch but i guess they love it. 

Post # 34
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I feel like I’m surronded by the opposite: couples who don’t even act like they give a care about each other, lol. There’s no eye contact to even have eye rolling. At least if couples are fighting I think there may be passion, but I see too many couples that don’t even seem like couples…

Post # 35
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

It also depends on in what environment you see the couple the most. 

I’m sure the co ed soccer team we play on thinks we hate each other because we’re always yelling at each other on the field, lol. Pass the ball! Take the shot! You should have got that in, etc. We’re very competitive when it comes to that sport.

Now, anyone who sees us lounging around would think we’re in love.

Post # 36
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Yes, my ex and I were like this and I know several couples like this personally and know for a fact they aren’t very happy. Teasing and not being super lovey dovey is one thing, but arguing, fighting, being disrespectful to each other in public and especially talking smack about them or humiliating them in front of others is not a happy relationship. 

Post # 37
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

I sometimes think to myself when I say something to my Fiance or when he says something to me “Man, if anyone were listening to this conversation they’d think we hate each other.” But for us insults and mean comments are the way that we joke with each other. I would never insult him for something that were actually true, but I have said that hes lazy, or mean, or has a unibrow or whatever. He likewise says things to me like I’m high maintence, or calls me Peggy Bundy or talks about my mustache. 

If any of those things were true or something that we really felt, then yeah that would be incredibly mean and hurtful. But for us thats stuff that we find funny because of how NOT true it is. 

But yeah if anyone listened to it they’d think we were on the road to a breakup

Post # 38
Member
779 posts
Busy bee

It depends what you mean. It’s one thing when you see couples who are constantly in screaming matches, calling each other awful names and whatnot. That’s just bad. But if you’re just talking about couples who can be snarky, sarcastic and teasing, then that’s just the dynamic of some couples. I’m like that. If I don’t know someone that well, I’m always nice and polite. But if we’re close friends or lovers, then I’m obviously not going to be like that, I’m just going to be myself.

I love and respect my partner very much. I am kind and generous and will make sacrifices. However, if he says something ignorant or just plain wrong, of course I’m going to call him out on it. There’s no question. And I will definitely tease him about certain things. It’s like, I love him but sometimes I just want to punch him. I don’t, though. We don’t really fight and we definitely never scream or call each other names. We can definitely be tender with one another, but there’s no way you’ll catch us gazing lovingly into each others’ eyes whilst holding hands and skipping into the sunset. That’s just not the kind of people we are. We know that we love each other and we prove it by spending quality time together, being faithful and putting each others’ needs first.

Post # 39
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Hahahah! Fiance and I are totally like this. But we do it in a loving way. We bicker over stupid stuff as jokes. We constantly call each other names, never actually hurtful though. Our friends constantly roll their eye at our ‘arguments’ saying we do it a litmus but both of us know it’s nothing serious.

 

But after readingt comments perhaps that’s not what you meant.

Post # 40
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Yes I do. In fact I went to a wedding once where the groom and bride barely interacted with each other. It was pretty obvious to me and everyone else that he was just marrying her for her job and money and she was just marrying him to be married, but they went through with it anyway. Fast forward three years later and they are now divorced.

Post # 41
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee

Fiance and I have this conversation all the time! Whenever we’re out with friends, inevitably at least one couple ends up in a fight. Name calling, crying, sulking. The kinds of arguments we don’t have at all, not even in the privacy of our own home. It’s always awkward.

One couple in particular, the husband without fail always complains about how little house work his wife does and it always results in a really heated argument. I don’t get it all!

Post # 42
Member
4108 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Luckily, I don’t see this with my friends. I don’t think I could hang out with couples who yell, swear, and just generally be mean to each other in public. I’m guilty of snapping at Fiance in front of friends or rolling my eyes, but I really try not to. Fiance and I are very sarcastic with one another and we are definitely not overly touchy-feely, so at times I know people must think we hate each other. We bicker, we fight over stupid stuff, we get angry, but honestly we don’t really do it in front of friends and family. In private, sure, it’s a free for all sometimes, but I would never talk down to my Fiance in front of other people. I can only remember one time that I actually snapped and he snapped back to the point that I saw our friends exchange glances–and to be fair, we were playing UNO and he just hit me with a draw four when I had UNO, so…

Post # 43
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

I think SO and I are a little like this but there’s a big difference between being picky-playful with each other and being hateful. We are often picking at each other in public and have called each other names in jest, but it’s just us trying to be affectionate in a way that others can still socialize with and aren’t put off by. It usually makes others laugh and makes us laugh, too. Behind closed doors we are 90% mush. We have only lapsed into actual disagreement in front of others one or twice and we always handle it later in private.

Post # 44
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

My ex husband and I were like this.In the first 2 or 3 years of our relationship it was due to immaturity,different personalities and being unable to communicate in an healthy way.As soon as we moved in together and for our whole marriage,he got more and more emotionally and psychologically abusive in private,and I started to use the public bickering and arguing as a defense.I would have never had the courage to retort that way when we were alone,and I hoped that the people we had around would notice the way he treated me and say something.In the last year of our marriage,I started to do it even at home…I was hoping that he would finally hit me,after treating to so many times,so that I would finally have a “valid” reason to leave,as no one else knew how abusive he was (he is the classic “good guy” and people would never believe him to be able to hurt anyone) and in my mind walking out just because he was being “and bit mean sometimes”,as a counselor once told me,would have been like saying I failed and it was my fault for being too sensitive.

So really,you never know what’s behind that kind of behavior.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by  Comealongpond.
Post # 45
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee

It seems to me that most of my friends are still made in love. We’ve only been with our SO’s about 5-6 years on average though, so maybe we haven’t gotten to that point? I think that many people get married because they constantly envision the “good parts” of marriage- all the attention for the wedding, the pregnancy and new baby, the white dress and the party, all the things on the side that people want (an excuse to spoil themselves and be spoiled). They lose sight of the hardships that marriage and children (if they go that route) bring and then when reality hits, they panic and split, just to do all the fun stuff all over again with someone new. 

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