(Closed) Does it seem like some couples hate each other?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
2890 posts
Sugar bee

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jaylynn:  I think it they act like that in public, they most certainly act this way (or even worst) behind closed doors. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love each other, though. To me, it seems they lack proper communication skills and emotional maturity. However, if they also show behaviours like calling names or being condescending to each other, then it becomes unhealthy because there’s a lack of respect and I don’t think you truly love someone if you don’t show them respect first and foremost.

Post # 47
5362 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

The only couple I can think of is my FI’s aunt and uncle. After every family gathering we always say to each other “they just seem like they hate one another” and his aunt has said before she wants to divorce him. But I think she’s the biggest problem. I couldn’t imagine living like that. Of course me and Fiance are sarcastic to each other, not in public, but we are also lovey dovey. 

Post # 48
296 posts
Helper bee

I think couples like this usually DON’T divorce, that’s why the feel trapped and end up so bitter. Like my Future Father-In-Law always insults my Future Mother-In-Law, saying things like “you haven’t read a book in your entire life” or “why does it take you so long to climb that stair? You’re old” (she was wearing high heels). She disrespects him too, but in a more passive aggressive way, rolling her eyes, making comments behind his back -which makes me uncomfortable- and proudly saying that she “doesn’t pay attention to him”. But when they learnt that my parents were divorced, he said “only crazy people get divorced” and “why would you cheat and break up your family” (yeah,not the case) and she had this pity face and was like “well, some people are really unlucky”. Yeah, they were unlucky. They didn’t have a happy and successful marriage like you. Ugh. Please. My parents loved each other, and when it didn’t work out they decided to split up. Not ideal, but they respected each other before and after. I doubt the couples we’re talking about EVER loved each other. I mean, can you love someone and then end up like that? 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by  melissamaria.
Post # 49
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My husband and I likely seem like we hate each other. It’s just our personalities. 

Post # 50
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yes, We’ve known a few couples like this! Some are divorced now. I just don’t think it’s right to be mean or cut your spouse down. Imagine this… if they bicker and fight and treat eachother like $hit in front of everyone I wonder how bad it is when no one’s watching? Sends up huge red flags! Huge!!! I can’t be around couples like this, I politely leave/walk away. I don’t like drama, ever. I don’t have time for that crap.

Post # 51
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My Fiance and I probably fall into this category. We know this and it’s kind of a source of humor for us. We have several higher stress issues in our lives (not our relationship necessarily, but in our lives) and sometimes it gets the better of us. BUT we are 100% secure in our relationship. We know each other at our worst, and our best, and we willingly take all of it. We don’t let a fight, big or small, be the source of insecurity or long-lasting anger. We can get mad, work through it, and move past it more easily than some couples that I know who gloss over things to just not fight. And we also feel like we’re ready to walk into a marriage knowing that we can handle these types of things without it hurting us. We are also both really sarcastic types of people, and can sometimes seem to be high maintenance. We take equal care of each other so while I might be whiny sometimes for “another drink, will you get my stuff out of the car, I don’t want to walk that far…pouty face” we know it’s not coming from a mean or super selfish place,. It’s just that we do things for each other and we wouldn’t if we didn’t want to. It’s hard to describe, but I’ve been in relationships that were really bad (and people thought were good), and ones that appeared also good but were empty messes, and this is such a different thing than those were. Don’t judge people too quickly! 🙂

Post # 52
95 posts
Worker bee

Yeah, you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Some older family members were like this – really mean and nasty to each other in public. But usually that was just their personality to begin with. :p And some of them, during intimate family gatherings, would actually be serious and say how in-love with each other they are.

I have friends who are like this but I can’t say the same for them. They just hate being alone. They’d rather be miserable and in a relationship, than be happy outside of a relationship. I think that’s a very sad existence to lead.

Post # 53
311 posts
Helper bee

Some people seem to think that if you say hurtful things fighting, all is forgiven if you make up later.  DH and I don’t fight, really at all, but on occasion we can be sort of sarcastic. One night when we were out drinking and playing games with friends and I was taunting DH (sort of an inside joke) one woman turned to her BF and said in a stage whisper “I’m so glad we have a HEALTHY relationship” which just killed us. 

That being said we have a few friends who are engaged that get into epic fights and talk about the horrible, hurtful things that are said, or they will bring up issues in their relationship when we’re out in a group and try and shame their partner.  Don’t get it. 

Post # 54
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Museum

Yes! FI’s friends – all married – have the weirdest relationships with their wives, whom they’re all afraid of. They lie and hide things from each other, they bicker, they constantly shoot passive-aggressive comments at each other, roll their eyes… I’m so glad Fiance is not like that!

Post # 55
34 posts
  • Wedding: August 2015

We call those people marriage counseling! Lol Whenever we feel like our relationship might not be were it should be…like those days when you wake up in the morning, roll over and look at your spouse/SO snoring and druling and wonder why am I with him?? Lol I will suggest we go to the bar and visit our “marriage counselors” who show exactly how to NOT act and how happy we really are with each other. No lie, 2 hours there and we are both saying how much we love each other, our life and how lucky we are to have found each other! These marriage counselors are bar flys who sit at opposite sides of the bar, and dis each other and fight and argue EVERY DAY at the bar. They yell profanities across the bar at each other and inevitably she starts crying and wants everybody to feel sorry for her… and then he storms out of the bar.

Post # 56
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!

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jaylynn:  we don’t know one couple (including his friends..where only 1 of his friends are in an actual relationship) that isn’t miserable. or makes themselves look miserable. i would never ever ever fight with Fiance in front of other people OR on social media. never. if we have a disagreement, it is handled between us, in private. i almost think its where they were raised and the social aspect of it. they think it’s okay to fight and bicker and roll eyes and cuss at eachother. no biggie. where as i would be mortified. 

we have a very old school relationship in just about every way. the worst comments we get (and have since stopped hanging out with them) are the ones that the men (or women say another version, but something quite similar) say “why can’t you get me a drink and serve my dinner to me too!” uh. awkward! 

Post # 57
285 posts
Helper bee

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jaylynn:  I’m kinda a serious/unemotional person in public. At home, Fiance and I are super lovey dovey, probably to the point it would sicken others. When I’m out with my Fiance, I feel awkward being too sweet with him, because that’s not a side of myself I reveal to others, even close friends or family.  So sometimes, I can come off as a little cold with him in group setting, even though that’s not at all a reflection of our relationship. We don’t say mean things to each other in public, but we might bicker a little or even pretend to annoyed. It’s like we overcompensate, so as to give away how actually disgustingly affectionate we are with one another at home. 

It sounds weird… but I feel shy about showing how in love I am with my Fiance. All this to say… don’t judge on appearances!

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