Does “killing them with kindness” really work?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t know if it “works” per se but it is fun to watch people be infuriated by your cheery responses. Being super pleasant to people was the only way I survived my brief stint in customer service.

Post # 4
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@coconutmellie: I do ! I do !

My Future Mother-In-Law at the time was making my life a living hell all because she wasn’t ready to give up her baby boy. Well, I wrote her a very dipolomatic email and assured her that her son is still her son, etc. I had every right to say “EFF YOU B*TCH!” Even my fiance at the time was shocked that I didn’t tell her off. EVEN SHE WAS SHOCKED I DIDN”T TELL HER OFF. She’s been kind to me ever since.

HOWEVER, Deep down, I have not forgiven her, hate her guts and wish she would move to Timbuktu so I never have to see her again, lol. I am just ITCHIN’ to yell at her for her past mistakes. So I am the one festering now. It kinda all backfired in a way. lol…

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hmmm I’m having trouble coming up with a specific instance in real life, but I think this method works best when the person in question is merely seeking attention. If you don’t engage them, they go elsewhere for the drama. I’m looking forward to seeing what other people have to say 🙂

Post # 6
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Practicing kindness helps us from succumbing and sinking down to the level of the people that distress us. It helps at work, in social situation, with family . . . 

Post # 7
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry to say that I’ve never had this work for me, at least not that I can remember. It’s impossible to make people see the error in their way. It really really is. lol

I also find that a lot of the people I’ve tried to kill with kindness then just get smug about it.  Like, they have been a bitch to me and now I’m being super nice to them and they feel like they’ve won or something (ahem FFMIL).

I’m sure that it does work on some people though. I find that taking the high road can be the best bet just because it does make the tension less. It also helps I’ve noticed to seperate yourself from the situation if you do take the high road. You know, “this person can be a living terror, but whatever. I’m just going to continue to be nice.”

Post # 8
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have to say no, even though I firmly believe in trying the kill them with kindness route.

Most people that are that rude and self centered won’t even stop to notice that you are kind and won’t even have a clue at how terrible they are.

Post # 9
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

A few years ago I was a counsellor for a weight loss centre. I had this woman client who had that rude attitude. She always saw someone else so one day when she had to see me, she would give one word answers, didn’t smile etc. I don’t think she liked me because I was so young (a 19 year old telling her how to lose weight?) I just smiled and smiled and said oh you’re doing a great job! I kept it up every time I saw her and slowly she came around and started to joke around with me. So I definitely think killing them with sweetness works, you just gotta keep doing it.

Post # 10
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Doesn’t really work for me.  I feel like acting fake and disgustingly sweet to people who don’t like you is kinda sad and just lowers your self esteem.  Just be nice/charming/funny, don’t rock the boat, and remember what your mom always told you: “They’re just jealous, honey”.

Post # 11
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

It works, you have to actually mean it though. You can’t be kind to their face and then mean behind their back, or be sarcastic with your kindness. It goes right along with that whole thing, if you wake up in the morning and say one positive thing about yourself, you will become more confident etc.

Post # 12
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I don’t think it ever made the other person realize they were wrong, but I also don’t think that was my point in doing it. I just don’t like conflicts.

Post # 13
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Pomapoo: Totally agree ! but I wanted to keep the peace for our wedding day so I killed with kindness. Refer to my post above at how it backfired 🙁

Post # 14
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I thought it was rude of my FMIL send me a ‘bill’ for how much a few Christmas pillows were going to cost her to make that my Fiance and I asked her to make for us last year.  I kindly told her that while we’d love to have the pillows for the holidays, we will pass on the expense.  I was very nice about it in the response and when we saw her over Thanksgiving this year, she just gave us two of her pillows that she had already made.  Sounds small, but I wanted to hit her when she sent me the breakdown for what a square of jute was going to cost and how much the pattern was for the cross stich for a pillow that should have been a gift.

Post # 15
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@mcnetn3: Wow. “Shaking my head”

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