(Closed) Does living with roommates prepare you for living with an SO?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

There is a difference.

With roomates you don’t have to worry about keeping a relationship beyond making sure rent and bills are paid on time. When they are bothering you, you can lock yourself in your room and wait it out. You still have your own space. And while it would be nice to be super close friends with your roomates it isn’t always necessary.

But you can’t do those same things when you are living with your FI/husband. You have to maintain two relationships: being roomates and being eachothers SO. His space is your space and vica versa. 

I don’t know, there is a lot more to it but it is hard to explain without being in the two situations. Hope my semi-advice helped a little!

Post # 4
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Totally different! I find it’s a lot easier to keep open communication with my Fiance when something is bothering me and to be honest with each other than it was for me with a roommate. I used to get irritated a lot with my last roommate about cleaning but not say anything because it was TOTALLY my issue, but with my Fiance, we can actually talk about how I’m feeling and work through it instead of me just being steaming mad ;). Of course, sometimes that’s not a good thing, because it meas I feel free to nag! 😉

Post # 5
Member
4381 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

For me living with my fiance is NOTHING like living with roommates. I’ve had roommates that I’ve hated, roommates that I was friends with before (and then later hated), and roommates that  I’ve been friends with (but still would have rather been alone). I am not a roommate person at all, yet I have LOVED everything about living with my fiance.

I dunno, it’s just different. It’s such a great feeling waking up and going to sleep with him every night. For me, living with a SO is a totally different category than living with just a roommate. Especially because your SO will be all up in your bidness, cause I doubt with roommates many people sleep in the same bed. lol.

 

Hope this was helpful? I’m not sure if it was. lol. But yeah, living together with SOs for me has just been effortless, as compared to rommates.

Post # 6
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We haven’t lived together, exactly, but I’ve seen what it’ll be like and I am SO excited (we’re waiting til we get married too). I never get tired of being around him whereas I would get SO tired of my roommates, especially one of them that made me craaaaaazy! She’d watch Japanese movies and paint her nails while drinking… goodness, I don’t even know what. Boy drinks a beer while reading something related to philosophy while watching something stupid like the Hangover, but it’s alot more tolerable.

Post # 7
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Completely different: you have to put up with your husband. You can’t just wait it out until you can move. You have to negotiate things instead of hoping they’ll reach a natural end. It’s fun and more intimate. There’s a closeness that doesn’t end by going into your separate room and shutting the door, or taking a walk. The permanence of it is strikingly different. The combination of an emotional relationship with a cohabitation relationship also changes things. 

Post # 8
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I think I would specify living with a best friend and not a randome Craigslist roomate. In which case, I lived with two of my best friends before living with Fiance and I think it is very similar. Fiance and I havea two bedroom apartment so when one of us needs alone time there is enough space much like I had my own room to retreat to when I needed to be apart from my roomates. There is less of mine and yours and more of ours so things like furniture and stuff need to be agreed upon and such but I think living with friends def. prepared me for living with Fiance. I already knew my bad habits (not washing dishes promptly) and which chores I liked doing more than others. Fiance also had a roomate throughout college who he was friends with but their friendship all but ended when he moved out a year before their 5 year lease finished. I think it would have been harder if we both moved straight from our parents homes in together.

Post # 9
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I have to chime in with the other posters who have said that living with your SO is different from living with a roommate. I’m a private person and liked that when I was in college I could go to my room to be alone if I needed to and when I left to go somewhere I didn’t always have to explain to my roommate where I was going or when I expected to be back. I ate what I felt like eating for dinner and didn’t have to worry that another person would be eating the food and may not want KD for the third night in a row, lol…

That said, weirdly enough I find it easier living with my husband than I did living with my roommates. Maybe because we fit well together and he usually gets it when I need my space.

Your original question was about whether living with a roommate prepares you for living with your SO – although it’s not the same, I think it prepares you in the sense that you can’t just do what you want to all the time, that you have to consider other people and their needs. 

Post # 10
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Way different!

Post # 11
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I never technically had a roomate. In college, I was lucky enough to always have a single (except freshment year where I had a two room single…so yes, technically we had different rooms)

I would HATE to live around other people as I am a very private and introverted person…so I was lucky to never to have to deal with them.

But living with my Fiance is so easy. I think its like a totally different thing. Everything is comfortable from the start 🙂

Post # 12
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Having roommates is really different. Just like you would have to get use to a new roommate except that you decided to spend the rest of your life together. I would personnaly never wait after getting married to live with someone just because that proximity is really a test for a lot of couple.

Post # 13
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Way different.

Roommates – individuals working on their individual lives, living together in the short term until life takes them in different directions.

SOs – individuals working on their lives and future together.

Post # 14
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

AGH roommates were the worst. I ended up hating almost every one I ever had! But I still like my Fiance Smile 

Post # 15
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think living with my parents and siblings all my life has prepared me better than rooming would. They’re my family, so no matter what their quirks are, they’re still going to be there through everything, and we’ll have to deal with our problems at the end of the day. My parents set a great example for what it takes to keep a family together. Roommates, on the other hand, are people you don’t have to deal with forever so the commitment and compromising skills are lacking.

I’m also waiting until marriage to live with my man, when we can start our life together on the right foot; as a family emotionally, spiritually, and legally. We’re very much alike so I’m not worried about the transition being all that difficult. It may be the same way for you. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

I lived with two roomates then by myself then with my BF. All experiences were so completely different.

Living with roomates is so much easier than living with your boyfriend and living by yourself is the best. Living with your boyfriend comes a whole new realm of responsibilities,

I wish you luck.

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