(Closed) Does mom need to call RSVP slackers?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Bah, I had my Future Mother-In-Law call up her family. Her family, her awkward conversation. I wasn’t going to call up these people and introduce myself (i had never met them), then hound them for an rsvp invite. It’s SO much work to do all by yourself. My Mother-In-Law offered to make the phone calls…she liked catching up with her cousins and friends. Then i’m not stuck on the phone all night. I don’t have time! Gah! Or, split it up amongst your bridesmaisd. That’s another one i considered. In the end she offered so I let her handle it tho.

I didn’t care enough to call up all these people. I sent out email reminders a la The Knot to our friends (who promptly rsvp’d) and then let her call them. I didn’t have any of their phone #’s anyways.

If they don’t have the courtesy to rsvp, they don’t get fed in my book. Undecided

Post # 4
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I called or contacted our friends (there were actually only a few), asked my Mother-In-Law to check on a few on her side of the family, and my mother called her rsvp failing friends.  I think it only appropriate that each call their own. And while I like ESJ’s thought of, “you dont reply, you dont eat”… I also know that in reality they would be fed, we’d be scrambling to find a place for them and paying extra.  It was worth the calls, and its worth talking it through with your mother so that she calls her friends.

Post # 5
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We divvied it up about equally.  My mom was in charge of tracking down our family & family friends, Future Mother-In-Law was in charge of their side, and I emailed all of our friends.  Since your mom thinks it’s not her job, I’d ask her nicely if she could help you out with this lingering project.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m not calling people I don’t know for RSVPs, I’m leaving that up to my Mom and my FMIL!  You have enough to do!!  I say, give them a few days after the deadline, then ask her to call them.  If she refuses, just tell her that you’ll have to assume they are not coming!  Thats my plan and it will kick into gear on Wednesday!

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree. I think the moms. or other close relatives usually help out with this stuff, to lighten the bride’s load.  It seems fair to me.  I suppose you could just not call them, and tell your mom you assuemthey won’t be coming, and will not make a place for them. Then the friends can be embarrassed for not RSVPing.  And your mom can be embarrassed for the mix up at the reception.  If she only invited 10 people, how many need to be called?  It can’t be that big of deal.

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

For us it worked out well b/c everyone who rsvp’d yes was on “the list” that we gave to our DOC. She was like a matre’ D though and actually stood by the door and told people where they were seated. We only had 13 tables of 10 each; there was no room for escort cards and it worked out well. So, in reality, if someone didn’t rsvp and just showed up, well, she’d HAVE to tell them there was no food! And obviously no clear seat for them as we only sat up 13 tables

Meh, i just got tired of putting up with people in general, so I totally feel your atittude on the whole thing. It’s not really Bridezilla, it’s more just apathy and “i’m tired of this, i have enough to do”. You can’t go running after everyone else being the responsible one; it’s their job to be polite. I’m sure once your mom realizes you’re NOT going to call up her friends (all 10 of them, i mean, really, she can do that), she’ll do it herself.

Post # 10
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Oh no, if your mom invited them and you’ve never met them, she’s the one to call!

Post # 11
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If your mom did the inviting she should do the hounding!  Otherwise tell her that you won’t call and you will turn them away at the door if they show up!  I bet she’ll call real quick!

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