Post # 1
So a couple months ago I picked out SUCH a cute dress for my little flower girl-everybody loved it including her mother (FSIL). My wedding isn’t until July of 2013 so I’m not planning on actually ordering the dress until sometime next year (FG is only 3 so she’ll definitely be changing in size).
Out of the blue, FSIL has informed me (through FMIL) that she hates the dress I picked and wants to find a different one. Obviously I’m annoyed, as she originally said she loved the dress when we went looking. FSIL likes the floor length tulle ballerina skirts that FG was literally tripping in when we tried them on. Umm… no thanks, I don’t want to worry about little FG tripping over her dress.
What would you guys do in this situation? Am I wrong to be upset? Should I try to find something that FSIL will agree to, or stick to my guns?
Post # 3
Who is paying for the dress? If FSIL is paying for it then she has say. If not, as long as it doesn’t hurt the child or is picky fabric or is inappropriate then the flower girl should match the bride and the bride would have the say.
Post # 4
stick to your guns. FSIL has absolutely no say in what FG is wearing. that would seriously tick me off. talk to her directly. it isn’t fair of her to make FMIL her proxy. she probably thinks you won’t make a fuss because you have to go through her. sounds like a power play to me.
Post # 5
This is the dress I picked:
And this is the closest thing I could find to what FSIL liked:
I mean its cute but… not what I want her to wear in my wedding.
Post # 6
You get the final say absolutely! If she is paying, yes she gets some say, but you still get the final say as it’s your wedding
Post # 7
@janetsnakehole: yeah thats another thing!! i was even more annoyed that she went through her mother to tell me!
Honestly though, FSIL can be a huge bitch (not to me personally, except maybe in this instance, but to most people) and I’m really nervous to talk to her about it.
Post # 9
Maybe a little reminder of how the long dresses almost made her trip? Would she want to see her daughter trip, fall and hurt herself while walking down the aisle? What an embarrassment for her, and for you if that happens. She is only a child so she can’t be exspected to be walking carefully while wearing a long tulle dress.
Post # 10
It’s annoying that she went through FMIL, can you talk to her directly? Say you’re fine with choosing another dress together, but you’ll need to talk about it to do so.
Post # 11
@supervixen: don’t let her get her way! she’s obviously a bully and used to getting her way. i’ve had a lot of experience in this department. just know that this is your day and you get the final say. you should think about what you’re going to say to her and maybe even write some key points down. call her for a chat and talk about other things first, wedding related or not and just catch up. don’t blurt it out at first. just say “oh and FMIL mentioned you aren’t fond of the FG dress i chose, what is it about it that you don’t like? i spent a lot of time finding it and it’s exactly what i’ve envisioned for my big day. the one you chose is sweet but it’s just not what i’ve had in mind. maybe she can wear something like that one for another special occasion?.” don’t give her the chance to cut you off and take over the conversation. be firm but verrrry nice. kill her with kindness, so to speak. she won’t be able to make a huge deal about it without looking like a big jerk.
i think she’ll be so shocked that you’re standing up to her and making your feelings known that she won’t have the opportunity to flip out about it.
BE STRONG! IT’S YOUR DAY AND YOUR VISION.
Post # 12
The dress you picked out is so much cuter! And it’s also YOUR wedding. Yes, the mother gets a little say (maximum price point, nixing any fabrics the FG is allergic to, etc) but you get to pick THE dress.
Post # 13
Tough one. I personally want my flower girl and her mom to be comfortable with what she is wearing. I chose a few different styles I was thinking of and got them okay-ed by the flower girl and her mom. I haven’t picked one yet, but when I do I will absolutely ask the FG and her mom if they like it. I want them to both be happy and comfortable.
If you picked a tasteful fg dress though (e.g., modest, has sleeves, etc.) I don’t see why your FSIL would need to have a “say” in it just because it wasn’t her personal taste. Howver, I can see why your FSIL may put her foot down if you chose a strapless dress or something age inappropriate that she doesn’t want her daughter to wear.
I’d personally not want to have a fg dress cause drama, so I’d try and come to a compromise rather than demand she wears something that only you like.
Edit – just saw the pics. Maybe you could go ankle length (or even tea lenght) instead of floor length? That way she won’t trip!
Post # 14
@janetsnakehole: uhh you hit the nail on the head with “used to getting her way” lol everyone just lets her do what she wants because she can be such a bitch! the phrase used most often regarding her is “it’s not worth it… just let her do what she wants.”
The sad thing is, I know if it was somebody else I’d feel differently and I’d want to compromise. But because its her, I don’t want her to get what she wants for once!!
Post # 15
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Since your wedding is in July, dress #1 is better because your FG won’t be so hot! Full length dresses in the summer are no fun!
Plus, your choice is so much cuter.
Post # 16
@supervixen: To avoid further issues, I would just purchase the dress yourself. I think it is prettier than your FSIL’s dress.
I chose my FG’s dresses and had the mother’s pay for our wedding btw. I think your FSIL is trying to be a bully.