Does my boyfriend need to know who i was with while we were separated for 4 …

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
513 posts
Busy bee

So there’s some fifty year old man ranting and raving and harassing people on Facebook without any provocation like a teenager? 

Glad to not have Facebook. 

You shouldn’t have lied but it’s really none of his business. You were BOTH with other people while you were broken up. I would honestly have a problem being with a grown person who behaved in this manner and would probably reassess my decision to return to a relationship with this person but that’s just me. 

Exes are exes for a reason; maybe you should reflect on why you made him one in the first place. 

Post # 17
10371 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Everyone is wrong but more importantly, why are you with this guy?

Post # 18
1693 posts
Bumble bee

Well you obviousy had good reason to lie so that’s beside the point. It’s none of his business what you did while you were broken up. Why did you break up anyways?

Post # 19
5155 posts
Bee Keeper

What???? You’re middle-aged and doing this?

News flash – your boyfriend is an immature douchebag. He lied to you, you lied to him, your relationship is a hot mess. Continue seeing this guy at your own peril.

Post # 20
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

HE’S 51??? I thought you were going to say you guys were 20.

That’s insane. I don’t think he has a right to know WHO you were with, just that you were with someone so you can make sure you have an STD test etc. 

I would get rid of this looney. That is no way for a grown man to act.

Post # 21
6935 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

What was the reason you two split up last August anyway? Did it have anything to do with him being a controlling, man-child?

Post # 22
4696 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
marley01 :  He’s old enough in years but young and immature in his behavior if he’s harrssing a guy for going out with you whilst you had broken up. The behaviour is ridiculous and the double standard is beyond awful. He put his pecker in someone else whilst you’d split up… Did you go getting upset and harassing the other lady on Facebook!!?? No you didn’t!

Honestly, his double standards, jealous streak would make me be done with him. TJ and yourself did nothing wrong and your SO contacting him on Facebook is a way of him laying claim to you like you’re a possession of his. Stupid teenagers behave like this. A mature person would not behave in such a way by posturing or seeing their partner as a possession. I date men not teenage boys. I suggest that you start doing the same… You broke up for a reason and he’s know added another even better one to break up again and stay that way….

Post # 23
1190 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
marley01 :  My fiance and I broke up 6 months into our relationship. It was for about 1-2 months. We didn’t care what each other did, you know why? BECAUSE WE WERE BROKEN UP AND SINGLE. What you do when you were single shouldn’t be bought up and use against you. My Fiance even hung out with his ex (they didn’t do anything) and went on a date with another girl, but I didn’t care because again, we were broken up. People deal with the heartache differently. I didn’t sleep with anyone or anything like that, but I have no reasons to be mad at him for hanging out with whomever when we were broken up. And we’re in our mid-20s.

At the age your boyfriend is at, he shouldn’t be acting like a lunatic. If you guys agreed to be honest with each other about what happened during those months, you should have been honest. But you lied. I think that probably made it much worse for him. It doesn’t matter the situation, he shouldn’t be harassing some guy over it. Especially, if it can bleed into your work place. That’s next level even worse because he’s putting your job at jeopardy. Super immature. 

Post # 24
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
marley01 :  You can’t ‘make him’ understand. He’s being a child. You guys chose to break up and you guys chose to get back together. Now because things aren’t going ‘his way’ he’s throwing a tantrum and acting like a baby. 

I don’t agree that it would have benefited the relationship by him ‘knowing’ who you were ‘with’ which sounds like honest dating. If you didnt sleep with him I dont see what the problem is. 

Obviously you all had enough issues that you broke up and it seems that the issues weren’t really resolved because he is who is which is jealous and controlling. 

Good luck, 

Post # 25
10084 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Seriously though, dump him.

Post # 26
13223 posts
Honey Beekeeper

First, you should not have lied. You did nothing wrong with going out with this man, but the fact that he will continue to see you, your coworkers and possibly overlap with your Boyfriend or Best Friend means that chances were he would find out anyway. Even if that was not the case IMO he deserved to know about someone who is an ongoing part of your life. 

But all that is completely moot because a 47 year old man harrassing someone you dated on FB to “stake his claim” sends up every alarm signal there is. I can’t believe someone his age would do that and I would take it seriously. You broke up before for a reason. Here’s another one. 

Post # 27
1469 posts
Bumble bee

This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Are you truly happy in this? I think if your partners actions cause you distress or embarrassment or worry you need to think about ending the relationship. 

Post # 28
614 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
DrAtkins :  I was waiting for this, thanks!

OP, like others have said, I would be looking at how to end this relationship rather than how to save it.

Post # 29
9406 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

So almost 10 months after the fact he is still so hung up on who you dated when you were single that he felt the need to trick you in to admitting it?  And now he is harassing this guy on FB? Which you worried he’d do so apparently it’s all in character?

Omg leave him. He sounds exhaustingly pathetic


Post # 30
7482 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Bee–you broke up for a reason. You are both too old for this high school drama. Because you lied it doesn’t sound as if he will ever trust you. And he’s way, way out of line to be going after TJ on social media or anywhere else. This could be career-damaging behavior. Find someone you can have an adult relationship with. He’s not that guy. 

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