Does my boyfriend need to know who i was with while we were separated for 4 …

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
11392 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Just as a basic rule, anyone who uses Facebook to “address” relationship issues is not a contender. 

I’d move on from this guy, OP. 

Post # 32
Member
2429 posts
Buzzing bee

Why do you want to “fix” this? It isn’t something that’s broken, it’s fundamentally flawed and the flaw isn’t coming from you.

If you want 40+ years of this, knock yourself out.

If you want plan B, explain to Prince Charming that you’re not willing to take him on as a life long project, and back slowly out of his life, all the while being grateful that you haven’t signed up for keeps.

Post # 33
Member
2558 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

He is being an ass. I would dump him. Yea, honesty would have been best on your part. However, it really wasn’t his business because you were broken up. 

His going after the guy on social media is really middle school behavior and ridiculous. If he has a concern, he needs to directly approach you like an adult. I don’t ever do nonsense like that on social media because I am an adult. I have personal conversations in private. 

I have had bad luck with breaking up and getting back with people. Why did you break up in the first place?? 

Post # 34
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

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jellybellynelly :  
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Sansa85 :  
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Sansa85 :  I just audibly shouted WHAT? When i read he’s a fifty year old man. FFS. Just no.

OP: You fix this by leaving the sack of 50 at the door and date someone new. This is gross behavior for a 25 yo, but 50? No.

Post # 35
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee

While honesty is generally the best policy, it sounds like there were valid reasons for you not to tell your SO irrelevant information that he had no right to know. The fact that your SO is irrational and can’t behave like a mature adult is why you need to end the relationship, though. 

Post # 36
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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DrAtkins :  Thank you, this was my exact first thought too!! And of course, I have to say it in Ross’s voice…. WE. WERE. ON. A. BREAAAAAAK!!!

OP, similar situation happened to me an an ex over 10 years ago. He dumped me, so I hooked up with a good friend of mine he was always suspicious of. Two weeks later he begged me back and since he was always concerned about my friendship with this guy, I didn’t tell him. Months later the guys NEW girlfriend pulled the same prank your man did… she snuck onto my friends Facebook and emailed me as him saying his girlfriend knew and was going to tell my boyfriend. So I confirmed it and it was her, and she freaked out on me!! I ended up telling my boyfriend and he was PISSED. We worked through it, for about a year and then we broke up.. because HE cheated.

Lesson learned – NEVER get back with someone after you already broke up once!! Your issues will always find you, and if you fix them, new issues will arise. You broke up for a reason, I say honor that. And if you do want to stay together, do not feel sorry for what you did (or who you did) when you were apart.

Post # 37
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee

Funnily I know 2 guys who have threatened other men in fb telling them to stay away form their gf. Bit he guys have been 45+. I’ve not heared firm friends younger guys doing this. 

Anyway, you shouldn’t have lied. Bit you lied clearly for a reason. He is an asshole.

Post # 38
Member
9085 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Honestly what he did was emotional abuse. Asking detailed information about who you dated while single is what abusers do. Tricking you into confirming what they see is a big betrayl (like dating someone else when you are single) is abuse. Going off on a stranger that has nothing to do with your relationship but who you have a past with is what an abuser does.

Please contact your local domestic violence shelter and talk to someone there. Don’t lock yourself into a marriage with this person because it is likely that the abuse will escalate.

The best thing someone ever said to me inregatds to relationships is “sometimes the person we love is not the    best person for us to be with”.

Post # 39
Member
3381 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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marley01 :  how do you fix this? Don’t. The two of you do not have a healthy, functional relationship. 

Post # 40
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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marley01 :  Whoa you guys are how old and you think his behavior was acceptable enough to stay!? He was like cyber bullying at 47 years old like he’s in high school. I CAN’T.EVEN! Leave this dude! You both have issues with lying which is not conducive to a healthy relationship. 

Post # 41
Member
6953 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Lord. Your boyfriend sounds so weak and insecure. That is NOT HOT. Going on Facebook to harass the guy who dated your ex is just sad and pathetic- and the worst part is that you saw it coming. Why are you with him? You probably should have just stuck with TJ! And now look at the thanks poor TJ gets- dragged into your silly boyfriend’s emotional shenanigans.

I’d just dump him and move on. His lack of self control (while attempting to control you) is unacceptable. Tale care of yourself and get some therapy to heal- it’s hard to break up with someone after years together.

Also, you are grown enough to have some brass tits about what you do during a break from a relationship. You don’t owe anyone any explanations.

Post # 42
Member
11373 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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marley01 :  

Perhaps a duel would resolve this for your bf?

He’s not a mentally healthy guy, Bee. If you want a happy future, you’ll have to do it without him.  I’m not even convinced this guy is entirely safe to be with.

Post # 43
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

He sounds like a jealous loser.  My question is: why did you go on a break for 4 months?  Obviously there was an issue there of some kind.  I think it’s time to release this fish back into the sea.

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