(Closed) Does my father deserve to walk me down the aisle? And how would I tell him??

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Thisis tough, my father is not apart of mylife eithier. Althoug we have no contact with him what so ever.

He simply wasnt invited. This did cause some tenssion, from reletives. Two member of my family did not come simply because he wasn’t invited. This may not be a options as he still is in contact with your family. (My fateher does not have contact with any of his family)

To me you have to be a father it is not just a title it is a job. You can simply just say I do not feel right honoring in this way but you would be delighted to have you sit…

In the end it is your choice so do what feels right to you 

Post # 4
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Only you can decide whether he deserves to walk you down the aisle.  If it doesn’t feel right to you, don’t have him do it.

My dad was a lousy husband to my mother, and I really think that he wasn’t as attentive a father as he could have been when I was growing up.  I moved out of the family home nearly ten years ago.  I’m nobody’s to give away–I’m walking to the alter by myself.

Post # 5
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yikes this is a tough situation! Have you thought about discussing it with your mom to see what she thinks? What about his family, are you close with them? If you aren’t I don’t see why you should feel pressured to do so.

In the end it’s YOUR day and every element should reflect what matters most to you and your husband. Good luck darling, I’m learning that there are so many little details that end up meaning a whole lot more when it’s actually your turn. I’ve had plenty of my own dilemma’s along the way and it’s only been a month of planning! Thankfully my fiance has been really supportive and helped me decide the best avenue to take with each problematic thing regarding my family issues.

Post # 7
Member
46404 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The question is not “Does my father deserve to walk me down the aisle?”

 The question is “Do I want my father to walk me down the aisle?” Only you can decide that.

 If he walks you down the aisle;, he doesn’t have to “give you away”. You can skip that part of the ceremony, or both your parents can say “We do”.

You can walk with your Dad, your Mom, both of them, or neither of them.

You can also walk halfway down the aisle by yourself and  your Fiance can walk up to escort you the rest of the way.

Post # 8
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

I have similiar circumstances with my father. I feel that my father gave me away when I was 22months old.

Post # 10
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know exactly how you feel. Honestly, your wedding day is suppose to be one of the happiest days of your life, but thinking about who will walk you down the aisle puts a damper. Tradition says that your father should give you away because he’s your protector and provider. It seems like your mom is the person for the job. A simple invitation to your dad would be suffice.

Post # 11
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My father was never really in my life.  He is actually not even getting an invite. And I am walking down half of the isle by myself and my mother is giving me away.  She pretty much raised me alone.

In your situation, I would invite your dad, and tell him that he is NOT walking you down the isle. Stay firm and put your foot down. If he is upset, then say that he has upset you.  Have your mother walk you down the isle. It seems to be the right thing.  This day isnt about pleasing your father, and if he is mad enough to not come or be a jerk, then he isnt worth your time worrying!!

Good luck!!

Post # 12
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Andilou: If you dont feel comfortable with your dad walking u down the aisle then don’t let him. Your mum could instead. My dad hasnt been a part of my life for 15 years he sends a birthday card each year with a $5 lotto ticket and i might get a call on my birthday but not every year.. i cant remember how long ago it was that i last saw him but my mum went and called him telling him i was engaged so now i have to invite him. I have a great step dad who i want to give me away so its going to be hard with my dad there. I dont want my dad to insist that he does it because he hasnt been in my life since i was 12 yet at my sister’s 21st party he was invited and he ended up insisting that he get up and give a speech so i dont know what to do. I just feel like il send him an invite but thats it i dont want to talk to him and tell him hes not going to be involved in the wedding because he is like a stranger to me..i would feel weird talking to him and bad for being in that position.. i wish my mum hadnt said anything in the first place..

Post # 13
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

i am going through a similar thing at the minute and reading the posts from your guys has made me feel better knowing that i am not the only one in this situation!

im inviting my dad, but hes not walking me down the ailse. i think i will ask my brother to as he has been the only constant in my life apart from my grandfather, who i would love to walk me down the ailse but he died 7 years ago and im struggling with not wanting to replace him etc at the min.

i am also not sure on how to do the table plans, because i dont really want him sat on the top table with me, but my partner mentioned about how it may look strange to thw other guests at the wedding, which i hadnt really entered my mind. it doesnt bother me that anyone else would find it strange, but i dont know how i would react if i were to be asked on my wedding day why my dad wasnt included in the day?

have any of you girls thought about that?

thanks

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