(Closed) Does my FI have a crush on this woman? Is he cheating?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 75
Member
358 posts
Helper bee

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anonb1984: Question and answer. Do not lay everything out. That will just help him if he chooses to lie about anything.

Post # 76
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think the message you sent to her was very nice, some women would not be as classy about it.  You don’t know if she will be completely honest with you, and you don’t know if your Fiance will be either.  I totally understand why you did reach out to her, and I probably would have done the same. 

Post # 77
Member
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park

Time to write him a Dear John letter, explain everything that you’ve found, explain how you knew he lied about the digital portrait, the nude photos, the messages. Realize that this is NOT someone you should be marrying and that this type of sneaky behavior WILL NOT CHANGE. If it isn’t Amanda, it will be someone else. And if he is saving nude pics and lying about checking this girls FB all the time, he isn’t that far away from taking it a step further and actually cheating on you (that is, IF he hasn’t already).

You’ve wasted enough time trying to “rationalize” this in your head, and confronting him will lead to only two outcomes: A) He’ll become super defensive and turn it around on you claiming you shouldn’t have snooped and will continue this behavior behind your back but this time having his guard up to hide it from you better, OR
B) He will put his tail between his legs, apologize and claim that he will never do it again, which will be a lie and he will eventually continue the behavior behind your back

This type of crap doesn’t change and isn’t like he can say “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to do this.” He KNOWS what he is doing is wrong and I honestly think you need to stop wasting your time and tell him to GTFO.

Post # 78
Member
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park

ETA: I’ve never been cheated on and I am not bitter for any personal reason. I’ve just seen this type of crap happen time and time again to so many women and the ones that stay with the guy end up regretting it big time.

Post # 79
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You have to talk to him directly. I know you know this but I also know that he will probably try to pull some bullshit on you. No matter how he tries to deflect and blame you for “snooping” or “breaking the trust” just remember: it is all bullshit. You are 110% in the right. Yes, you went through his phone and Facebook but there is supposed to be trust and open-ness in a marriage. It would be a HUGE red flag for me if my Fiance didn’t want me looking at his phone or computer. You live together and share everything, why not your computers and electronic devices? My Fiance and I have nothing to hide from each other and, while I would never put us forth as a “perfect couple” or anything like that, being open and honest is a staple in every successful union. Please, keep us updated. We are here for you if you need anything. 

Post # 81
Member
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Lay it all out on the table. I cant say much more than what the others have, except I’m so sorry youre in this situation and I hope the chat goes ok. x

Post # 82
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

Somewhere out there there is a better man for you. He obviously is in love/has a crush on that woman and this is emotional cheating on you. Maybe he doesn’t leave you/cheat on you because she isn’t available to him. But we all know for sure that if that woman accepts, he would have sex with her 100%. This is beyond creepy to me. Being obsessed about someone this much tells a lot about a person, I wouldn’t want to do anything with such guy.

 

Edit: I also agree with everyone on the snooping part. The only reason why I would feel a bit insecure with my boyfriend using my pc is that he would see how much e-rings I browse. I have nothing to hide in a healthy relationship!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by 1980amoraring.
Post # 83
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

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anonb1984:  I’d be asking a lot of questions too if I were in your shoes! All I was hoping was to shed a different light and suggest there might be a scenario where his actions aren’t as detestable, or somewhat understandable. Yet again, as others have said I might be giving too much benefit of the doubt. In other words, I think it’s best to clarify things with your fiancé and get to the root of this. Hope you get to talk with him soon and make your decision. 

Post # 84
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

You lost me when you KNEW it was Amanda that he drew, but you didn’t confront him right then and there. I really feel for you. Marrying his will be a mistake because there are obvious trust issues between both of you. 

 

If it were me he would’ve been out along time ago. Possibly with stiches.

Post # 85
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

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anonb1984:  

Any update?? Thinking about you this morning, wondering how the conversation went…

Post # 86
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

I agree, don’t lay everything out for him, or it will just make it easy for him to lie about it. 

Post # 87
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ewww. Your Fiance is weird!!  He is obsessed with this girl AND lying to you.

You want someone like that as your husband and the father of your future children?   Don’t come crying to weddingbee when you want a divorce 3 month later.

Your dude is gross.

(And I AM very sorry, honey, you are going through this torment.  You deserve better!)

Post # 88
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Why are we all ignoring the fact that he has nude photos of her, where does everyone think these came from? They have been sexting at some point, maybe it was before you were dating, who knows, but the fact is that she must have sent them to him. Can you see info on the photos as to when they were taken or sent?

Post # 89
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

we need an update. I have so much anxiety for you. But for real, kick his sorry ass to the curb. You DO NOT need to settle for that type of behavior. 

Post # 90
Member
4790 posts
Honey bee

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peegee:  unless he hacked her.

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