(Closed) Does my FMIL not approve?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3067 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
ChrissyMary9515:  I would def be wondering too… Is Fiance the baby? Maybe it has something to do with that. I would ask your Fiance to ask her WTF the problem is , lol.

 

Post # 3
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

I would talk to your husband and maybe get the scoop from him. She doesn’t sound to be fair at all. I would be hurt to.

Post # 4
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee

That would hurt me too… What’s your Fiance insight?

Post # 6
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

Tell her everything you wrote in this post and ask her what her problem/issue is..i would just be upfront about it even if you dont like the answer then at least you know and you can work on resolving any issues you were not aware of!

You really do not want the rest of your  life to be awkward and resentful when it might just be a missunderstanding from the past thats never been resolved

 

Post # 7
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmmm……  Maybe there’s a misunderstanding Then. Why don’t you ask her to look at dresses or do some wedding planning with her involved?  

Post # 8
Member
2846 posts
Sugar bee

hmmm..you said you have broken up “a few times”.  I have to be honest as the mother of a son who is dating.  If he was dating a girl and broke up with her a few times and then announced they were engaged I would be less than thrilled, sorry.  I would question their maturity and commitment.

Post # 9
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
ChrissyMary9515:  it could be she’s totally burnt out on weddings, kind of like when a mother has a second child and doesn’t fuss as much. It could be she doesn’t like you. It could be she doesn’t want to let go of another child. It could be that she doesn’t think the marriage is a good thing. 
View original reply
arosebyanyothername:  has a good point. 

You could ask her if you were really bothered by it. Or you could just let it go and prove to her that your son chose wisely by acting discrete and not letting anything ruffle your feathers. Some relationships take time and it sounds like your relationship with her needs longer than perhaps the length of engagement. 

Post # 10
Member
1978 posts
Buzzing bee

It seems like maybe there could be some different feelings regarding your engagement vs the brother’s, possibly related to previous breakups. People don’t know how to take that, I guess, since they didn’t live through your reconciliation(s) like you did. I don’t think there’s a way to convince them, so I wouldn’t spend too much energy on it. I don’t think it’s something you should talk to her about, for example. I’d definitely talk to your Fiance about it, but let her handle things the way she wants unless something crazy happens and she starts sabotaging things or something.

But maybe she is just burnt out from spending so much energy on the other wedding? Sounds like it was a big undertaking.

Post # 11
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
ChrissyMary9515:  I would be hurt too.

There’s 3 reasons why.

1. she doesn’t like you

2. she’s burnt out from other wedding

3. like Fiance said dosn’t want to make you uncomfortable with attention.

I’m going with mix of 2 and 3. My FIs sister got married a couple months before we got engaged. When we told his parents the reaction was, ‘ohhhhh’. When we expressed it was not the expression we were expecting his mom said, ‘well… we’ve been through this before’. Uhhh, thanks?

Anyways, I think they were just burnt out from the other wedding because now things are great. They act excited and ask about details. She’s not running about buying things, but they did give us some money to put towards the wedding. His parents see Fiance and I as being very independant and responsible (unlike some of his other siblings) so they didn’t feel like they ‘had’ to do stuff for us.

Maybe a 4th reason why she’s not asking the same? Are you and Fiance more ‘grown up’?

Who knows. I would give it some time.

Post # 12
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee

Burnt out on weddings or not too pleased b/c of the break ups and history of the relationship… A part of me says, do you really want to know? Probably better to just go forward not worrying too much about what she thinks and be a great wife to her son.

Post # 13
Member
5362 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
arosebyanyothername:  She said they broke up when they were younger and teenagers. She also said that they have been great for the past 4 years. It’s not like they broke up on a Friday and then got engaged 3 days later on Monday…

OP, I would try to include her more and see if she comes around! I would also feel hurt.

Post # 14
Member
2846 posts
Sugar bee

 

View original reply
ksn1219:  I’m giving my gut, visceral reaction as a mother.

Post # 15
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If your fiance’s mother is very close to her son, it could be that she is sad about “losing” her son to another woman. This is very common and shows up as coldness and critical comments from MILs. Another possibility is she might be concerned about the past break ups and worried about her son getting hurt. Maybe she is also emotionally spent from her sons getting married; weddings of children force parents to acknowledge their age and new ways of relating with their married adult child. 

So her reactions could have everything or nothing to do with you. Ask your fiance to speak to his mother gently about her reactions. People are always more comfortable talking to their blood family about emotional topics. If you confront your Future Mother-In-Law, you may receive a response that you don’t like and that could be hurtful. 

The topic ‘Does my FMIL not approve?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors