Post # 1
Okay, so Fiance and I are headed to his cousin’s wedding pretty soon. I’m pretty sure that things with the cousin and his Fiance are fiscally tight. From conversations I’ve had with them, I’m inferring that they’re paying for a lot of the wedding themselves and they’ve recently purchased a home. They’ve registered at one place and registered for 4 items total. Should I infer here that they want cash? Fiance and I are both college students who are enrolled in dual BS/MS programs, so we have very little disposable income and live on a tight bugdet. I might be able to scrape together a little cash for them but it wouldnt be anything substantial.
What is the protocol in a case like this? I should mention that Fiance and his cousin arent super close, so I wouldnt even know where to begin with getting them something mushy and heartfelt. If we are both students and the couple are both working adults, do they expect us to give cash when we have very little?
Sorry this is so long! =]
Post # 3
Yeah I’d just cut them a check for whatever amount you would have spent on a gift off the registry. Registering for 4 things is bizarre. I feel like if you’re gonna do that, just don’t register at all. Then it’s pretty clear that you just want $$$. If that’s their angle, though, they are going to probably be pissed when they get random gifts from people who took the practically non-existent registry to mean that they should get creative with their gift. Ugh. No thank you.
Post # 4
What would you give if you didn’t give cash? How is scraping together cash different than a gift? Honestly, we got a lot of cash gifts that were like, $20,$40….every little bit matters. It doesn’t have to be a lot of money to be appreciated.
Post # 5
I’ve never heard that concept before from anyone, apart from various messageboards that say that is the only cut and dry message that you are sending if you do so. There are some people out there who don’t give cash gifts for any reason, so that is very presumptuous to to go that route, expecting you’ll automatically get something. Gifts period are not required, which many people fail to realize or care. Most people though are well aware that if you don’t register, you won’t cash, and you won’t get anything you’re interested in either. People in general prefer to give tangible gifts and if you don’t register, they won’t have any idea what you want or need, so will pick up the first thing they see that they think you’ll like. You probably won’t have a use for that item and you won’t like it at all but you’ll be stuck with it and it’ll be the lesson learned for not registering.
Post # 6
I’m one of those girls that didn’t register and it didn’t mean anything other than I don’t know what I want and don’t see any reason to say you have to buy from this store. It works out for some people but for us we just didn’t want to take the time to sit down and figure it out and didn’t really care if no one got us anything.
That being said if they are strapped they would probably appreciate something. If you don’t have a lot of money you could always look for black friday deals or try and get a good deal on something so you push what little money you can afford for a gift farther. Eitherway I’d include a gift receipt so if they don’t want it they can take it back. And if you don’t feel like finding a gift I’m sure they would appreciate a $$ gift even if it is small. Honestly I didn’t expect any college students (or anyone but especially not college students) to get us a gift so anything would probably be a nice surprise.
Post # 7
I dont know if this is odd or not but I just feel better wrapping up a 20 dollar tangable gift than writing a check for 20 bucks. Maybe its the southern belle in me. I was thinking about a check in the neighborhood of 25-50 dollars is what I can afford to do, but I think that feels cheap. TBH, as a student going to a working couple’s wedding, I just feel odd about giving working adults cash while I’m living on scholarships and loans. I do however, want to give a gift. Oh well, I guess I’m just a bit stuck here, huh? ;]
Post # 8
I agree with ejs: How much would you have spent on a gift had they registered for more things? Either get them a gift card to the store where they registered, or give them cash. 90 percent of our wedding guests got us cash anyway. I think that’s the most popular form of gifting the bride and groom.
Post # 9
I totally understand! I am sure they want cash but I think you can get them a nice wedding picture frame or something they will use and they will be happy.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
I think it means they don’t care what they get. You could do cash, or if you think you know them well enough, a personal gift that you think they would appreciate.
Post # 11
If you want to get something tangeable then just look for a holiday deal and include a gift receipt – they won’t know how much you spent unless they take it back.
But if they don’t like it it won’t go to waste.
Post # 12
I’d say you should give them cash. When I go to a wedding as a guest I strive to give a gift (cash, something off the registry, or something else) of equal value to the price they paid for me to be able to attend (like price per head, or at least enough to cover the meal) – and double that if I have a date. I think when you accept an invitation to a wedding, you should budget for a gift/money/whatever, especially since you know they are paying for it themselves and they’re tight on money. Maybe you could think of it as you and your finace going out to dinner and drinks one night – because that’s what it is – and give that money to the bride and groom as a gift.
Post # 13
@jacqi, unless the couple told you specifically how much they were spending per person, how would a guest even begin to acquire that knowledge? Why would a guest need that information anyway? They don’t. I’ve never understood how that works. A guest gives what they can afford from the registry, and they don’t spend more than they have so that it cuts into their everyday living expenses as well.
Post # 14
@Ember- I just guess the amount. I think most people at least know how much a dinner costs. It’s not like I go around asking or trying to calculate out that information. If you go with the theory of purchasing what you can afford so it doesn’t cut into your daily life, there are people who could purchase half the registry. I was just giving my take on things.
Post # 15
I’m thinking that we will register in the spring for things that we truely need. Like towels, new pots and pans, kitchen utensils, and whatnot. It probably won’t be a whole lot of stuff. I’m really hoping that if someone doesn’t buy us anything off our registry that they just give us cash or a gift card. Is that what is typically happening for most of you? I’m curious.
Post # 16
When the first of my friends started getting married, I felt like I had to get them a real gift (not cash) because I just didn’t know any better. Now that I’ve been around a lot of weddings and planning my own, I WANT CASH! LOL I mean we’ve lived together for 5 years and stuff we want isn’t stuff we can ask for…like a patio…but we could sure put money toward it!
I look back at that first wedding, and the ridiculous gift I got them…LOL.