(Closed) Does playing hard to get and "mission scarcity" work?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@biochic75:  Playing games in order to trick someone into proposing sounds like an awful idea….if you want to be with someone, be with them.  Being Marriage Focused leads to frustration, feelings of anger and resentment and can make you look like a psychopath…it’s perfectly fine to make your goals and needs known to your SO, but don’t jerk him around or obsess over it…just enjoy each other and life!

Post # 5
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Playing games does not a great engagement period – marriage make. 

Post # 6
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Don’t play games but focus on things that are important to you in your life.  Hobbies, more education, friendships, fitness, etc… are all great things in life! 

Post # 7
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think doing your own things to make you happy is a GREAT idea. But playing hard to get when you’ve been dating for so long – not so good. After a certain point in a relationship, you get to the point of not playing games. It’s one thing when you live together to go out without your SO more and join some hobbies – but it’s another to completly dismiss your SO at times to play “hard to get”.

Post # 8
Member
5543 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Playing games with someone you love is a great way to be alone. Leave the emotional games for immature middle school girls and have a real conversation about your feelings, then yes, sometimes just have to wait if you decide this is a person worth waiting on. But any manipulation to get them to propose would always make me wonder if they meant it or I’d they did it because I was playing with their emotions. So I sort of and sort of don’t agree, it is so important to not allow your SO to totally be the only thing important to you in the world, go out with friends, have a hobby all your own, but at the same time if this is a person you want to spend your life with, don’t push them away because they might just stay away if you do.

Post # 9
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think it is a good idea to turn your relationship into a game. I thought about doing that “playing hard to get” for a long time, but it feels like to me if I have to shut up about what I want to talk about and actively change my life to convince the person who is supposed to love me unconditionally to “want to” marry me, I am doing myself a disservice. I felt that by lowering myself to that, I would not be giving myself the respect I deserve. Just do exactly what makes you happy right now and make sure you have communicated to your SO what you want and need. If you play hard to get and do mission scarcity, you probably won’t be happy with yourself later on if you realize a proposal came because you played hard to get. Or at the very least, you won’t be able to know for certain if the proposal was because he loved you and wanted to marry you or if it was because he got manipulated or pressured into it. Anyways, good luck 🙂

Post # 10
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO – biochic75: I see you are fairly NEW here, so first off, let me say “Welcome to the Hive”

Game Playing and “BEING BUSY WITH YOUR OWN LIFE” are two very different things.

It is a game for example to wait hours to return a phone call… it isn’t a game to call back and say “Sorry I was out with my GFs at a movie when you called, and had my cell phone off” (if it is infact true)

Being married, ultimately means you still will have your own life… so WHY give it up now while you are WAITING… I think that too many women (young women in particular) do this… put everything ON HOLD but their Boyfriend or Best Friend and his needs… so that they lose track of their own lives and are living in a world that is focussed on his.

That isn’t healthy… and in the long run, won’t bode well for a future if and when the two people end up married to one another.

As you are fairly NEW to WBee, if you haven’t already you should check out Mr Bee’s Plan… a great post that was written about Waiting from a Guy’s (Married Guy’s) perspective.

Mr Bee’s Three Step Plan (and Back-Up Plan) for Getting Engaged = http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged

And another great resource on a similar vein is Dr Phil’s Book *Love Smart ~ Find the One You Want / Fix the One You Got* it a book chocked full of valuable info for someone looking for Mr Right and eventually getting married & being happy with a successful relationship / marriage.  It includes a good section on transitioning from Dating to Engagement thru the Waiting Stage.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 11
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think that you might be referring to Mr Bee’s Plan. Basicly, it’s reinvesting in youself. Waiting can take a lot out of a woman, make her feel she’s not worth enough or that someting is wrong with her.

There is nothing wrong with you!

Taking time for you helps you rememebr that! Start a new hobby that you’ve always wanted, save up and go on a trip of a lifetime with your mom/sister/girlfriends, get healthy and have a spa/shoping day to celebrate.

Does it help the waiting? Yes, becasue it helps your piece of mind. Some girls have said that it helps thier guys remember how much you mean to them.

Post # 12
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Everyone has it right!  Don’t play games.  If you have to play games with a man to get him to propose he is not the right man for you.

If a man wants to marry you, he will.  It’s that simple. 

There are so many factors men consider prior to marriage – the most important one to them is TIMING, even more than love.  It has to be the right time for them, regardless of who they happen to be in a relationship with. 

If the right time and the right person happen at the same time – bingo!  If not, move along and find a man who is ready for the same things at the same time you’re ready.  And make sure he really loves you – so the thought of playing games won’t even enter your mind.

Post # 13
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Do: Focus on your own needs, hobbies, and dreams 

Don’t: Ignore and avoid your SO.

Do: Stop obsessing with marriage

Don’t: Just stop talking about marriage while it occupies your every waking thought. 

Post # 15
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

My boyfriend notices when I’m out multiple nights a week after work with friends, and mainly is like ‘I’m so glad you have friends and make time for them, it’s great you aren’t super dependent on me’ and then sometimes though, he gets all mushy and complains that I’m never home for him. I just tell him he has to make a date with me if he wants to hang out more, and besides, I live with him so we see each other every day no matter what. I think it shows him that I’m independent to have my own plans, and also makes him miss me, but I agree that if pushed too far, it can backfire. He needs to have a life with me to know that he enjoys it and wants to make me his wife. If he is alone too much, it’s like I don’t exist anyways! It’s a hard balance, but mainly I do it for my OWN mental health, to stay busy and not go crazy moping around the house wishing he’d propose.

Post # 16
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

Age doesn’t mean maturity. I should remember this for myself. Sometimes even the 40-somethings aren’t quite mature when it comes to relationships, so you shouldn’t think that just because someone is xyz years old they should know what they want. At the same time, they should be able to recognize a good thing when they see it. I don’t think playing games is a good idea at all, but it might be good to focus on yourself more since you can control that and it might make you stress less about him taking that next step. We should make a pact of some sort, since our situations seem to be quite similar, though I’ve been dating mine for longer.

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